That,  excepting  in  rare  cases, 

YOU  MIGHT  AS  WELL  SEND  TO  THE 
FOUNDLING  HOSPITAL  AND  BORROW 
A BABY  AS  TO  BORROW  A BOOK 
WITH  THE  IDEA  OF  ITS  BEING  ANY 
GREAT  SATISFACTION.  We  LIKE 
A BABY  IN  OUR  CRADLE,  BUT  PRE- 
FER THAT  ONE  WHICH  BELONGS 
TO  THE  HOUSEHOLD.  We  LIKE  A 
BOOK,  BUT  WANT  TO  FEEL  IT  IS 

OURS.  We  never  yet  got  any 

ADVANTAGE  FROM  A BORROWED 
BOOK.  We  HOPE  THOSE  NEVER 
REAPED  ANY  PROFIT  FROM  THE  BOOKS 
THEY  BORROWED  FROM  US,  BUT  NEVER 
RETURNED. — Talmage. 

» * * 

Don’t  worry  your  friends  by 

BORROWING  THIS  BOOK.  BuY  ONE. 

* * * 


Copyrighted  1901,  by  The  Nut  Shell  Pub.  Co. 


“ S-' 


N5 


- *'•  ' 


■ ,■:  . 

: , 

i i 

il 

I ? 


'ififc 


AROUND  the  capital 

WITH  UNCLE  HANK 


RECORDED  TOGETHER 
EEITH  TM^NY  TICTURES 


BY 


THOMAS  FLEMING 


t/lutkor  of  “Ground  the  'Tan,’  ” etc.,  etc. 


1902 

PUBLISHED  BY 

The  Nutshell  Publishing  Co.,  New  York 


Entered  according  to  Act  of  Congress  in  the  year  1902,  by 
THE  NUTSHELL  PUBLISHING  CO., 

In  the  Office  of  the  Librarian  of  Congress  at  Washington. 


Registered  at  Stationers’  Hall,  London,  England. 


CONTENTS. 


CHAPTER  I. 

A Characterization 1 

CHAPTER  II. 

Uncle  Hank 11 

CHAPTER  III. 

The  House  of  Representatives 1!) 

CHAPTER  IV. 

The  House  Restaurant S7 

CHAPTER  V. 

The  Senate 45 

CHAPTER  VI. 

An  Interview 61 

CHAPTER  VII. 

A Bit  of  tlie  Capitol 71 

CHAPTER  VIII. 

The  Dome 91 

CHAPTER  IX. 

An  Adventure  in  the  Supreme  Court 101 

CHAPTER  X. 

The  Humorous  Side  of  the  Capitol Ill 

CHAPTER  XI. 

A Talk  with  Uncle  Sam 123 

CHAPTER  XII. 

The  Library  of  Congress 133 

CHAPTER  XIII. 

A Walk  Lip  Penn.sylvania  Avenue 163 

CHAPTER  XIV. 

Inauguration  Day 183 


VI 


CONTENTS. 


CHAPTER  XV. 

PAGE 

Uncle  Hank  Gets  Shaved  in  the  Senate  Barber  Shop 191 

CHAPTER  XVI. 

The  Pension  Building 201 

CHAPTER  XVII. 

Invention’s  Home 209 

CHAPTER  XVllI. 

Uncle  Sam’s  Money  Factory 225 

CHAPTER  XIX. 

The  Ti’easury  Building 235 

CHAPTER  XX. 

State,  War  and  Navy 247 

CHAPTER  XXI. 

The  White  House 257 

CHAPTER  XXII. 

A Strenuous  Walk  270 

CHAPTER  XXIII. 

A Climb  of  Nine  Hundred  Steps 279 

CHAPTER  XXIV. 

The  World  in  Glass  Cases 291 

CHAPTER  XXV. 

The  Curbstone  Market  Place 303 

CHAPTER  XXVI. 

A Peep  at  the  Hotels 309 

CHAPTER  XXVII. 

A Visit  to  the  Postal  Cemetery 322 

CHAPTER  XXVIII. 

Sculptures  and  Paintings 328 

CHAPTER  XXIX. 

The  Statues 335 

CHAPTER  XXX. 

The  Navy  Yard..  339 

CHAPTER  XXXI. 

Adieu 345 


FOREWORD 


“FRA^IE  YOUR  :\[IXD  TO  :\riRTII  AXD  :\IERRI- 
]\IEXT,  WHICH  BARS  A THOUSAXl)  HARMS  AXD 
LEXGTHEXS  IJFE.”  THUS  SPOKE  THE  BARI) 
OF  AVOX  WITH  THAT  RARE  IXSIOHT  IXTO  HU- 
]\IAX  XATURE  THAT  SEEMED  TO  BORDER  OX 
THE  :\IIRACULOUS.  IF  THIS  VOLUME— LARGE- 
LY PLAYIXG,  AS  IT  DOES,  UPOX  THE  FOIBLES 
AXD  VAGARIES  OF  PUBLIC  LIFE  IX  \VASHIXG- 
TOX— SHOULD  AWAKEX  LATEXT  HU:\IOR  IX 
THE  PUBLIC  MEX  OF  TO-DAY,  THEREBY  SHOW- 
IXG  A XE\V  AXD  BETTER  SIDE  TO  THEIR  XA- 
TURES,  THEX  IT  WILL  HAVE  REXDERED  AX 
ADDITIOXAL  SERVICE  TO  THAT  FOR  AYHICH  IT 
WAS  IXTEXDED— A PORTRAYAL  OF  THE  HU- 
IMOROUS  SIDE  OF  LIFE  AT  THE  CAPITAL. 


THE  AUTHOR. 


THE  INAUGURATION  OP  A PRESIDENT. 


AROUND  THE  CAPITAL 

WITH  UNCLE  HANK. 


CHAPTER  I. 


A CHARACTERIZATION. 


Wouldst  thou  be  cured,  thou  silly,  moping  elf, 
Laugh  at  her  follies — laugh  e’en  at  thyself; 

To  sum  up  all,  be  merry,  1 advise. 

And  as  we’re  merry,  may  zve  still  be  wise! — Burns. 


€VERY  true  American  should  have  a pride  in  the 
beautiful  city  of  Washington.  All  that  counts  for 
the  glory  of  the  only  true  republic  on  earth  is  cen- 
tered in  this  historic  capital. 

Replete  with  reminiscence,  it  affords  numberless  oppor- 
tunities for  exuberant  patriotism,  and  the  American  citizen 
who  is  not  thrilled  with  patriotic  fervor  on  first  viewing  its 
beautiful  avenues  and  magnificent  buildings  is  certainly  de- 
void of  that  sense  of  pride  of  country  supposed  to  exist  in 
the  heart  of  every  true  citizen  of  this  great  latter-day  re- 
public. 

She  is  most  feminine,  this  queen  of  cities — fickle,  capri- 
cious and  coquettish. 


1 


AROUND  THE  CAPITAL. 


Bejeweled  with  architectural  gems,  she  is  vain  of  her 
attractions. 

Courted  by  all  who  have  gifts  to  bestow,  favored  like  a 
spoiled  child,  she  has  become  proud,  haughty  and  arrogant. 
You’ll  like  her,  nevertheless. 

You  should  know  her — this  gay,  high-colored,  aristocratic 
city,  possessing  many  of  the  attributes  of  her  monarchical 
sisters  of  the  Old  World,  rivaling  the  Rome  of  the  Caesars  in 
her  magnificent  entertainments. 

Yet,  withal,  there  is  a certain  democratic  atmosphere 
about  her  that  dispels  this  imperialistic  tendency. 

She  is  thoroughly  feminine  in  her  contradictions ; while 
her  social  leaders  are  most  exclusive  in  their  entertainments, 
her  most  distinguished  citizen,  the  President,  can  be  ap- 
proached by  the  most  humble. 

In  the  matter  of  adornment,  she  shows  the  most  pro- 
nounced inconsistencies,  some  of  her  public  statues  being 
of  the  highest  artistic  excellence,  while  others  are  so  de- 
ficient in  merit  as  to  almost  border  on  the  ridiculous. 

She  has  the  feminine  characteristic  of  changing  her  mind 
with  each  incoming  Administration — smiling  coquettishly 
with  the  party  in  power  to-day;  to-morrow  ardently  flirting 
with  its  successors. 

“Thou  art  not  false,  but  thou  art  fickle.” — Byron. 

Washington  was  named  after  the  immortal  “George,” 
who  had  considerable  of  a reputation  for  probity,  and  the 

2 


MRS.  SENATOR  GILT-MILLION  occupies  a very  large  place  In  Washington  society.  Being 
a lady  of  considerable  avoirdupois,  it  was  predicted  that  when  she  started  to  climb  the 
social  ladder.  It  was  doubtful  If  It  would  withstand  the  strain;  but  the  Senator’s 
experience  with  large  corporations  enabled  him  to  succeed  In  pushing  h^r  up  to  the  high 
pos.tlon  she  now  occupies  in  society  at  the  Capital. 

3 


AROUND  THE  CAPITAL. 

new  Capital,  with  its  magnificent  buildings  and  spacious 
avenues,  is  surely  a worthy  and  enduring  monument  to  the 
immortal  George,  who  could  not  tell  a lie. 

There  are  those  who  assert  that  were  George  Washington 
living  to-day  he  would  be  considered  decidedly  a back  num- 
ber, for,  say  they,  the  twentieth-century  statesmen  are  surely 
consummate  masters  of  the  dissembling  art,  in  which  he  was 
so  conspicuously  deficient.  But  always  there  are  those  who 
howl  calamity  from  the  housetops  and  who  refuse  to  believe 
in  the  integrity  of  the  present. 

Modern  methods,  though  less  ostentatious  of  righteous- 
ness, are  doubtless  no  less  honest  than  was  the  old-fashioned 
probity  of  the  founders.  In  no  age  are  all  men  virtuous ; in 
no  generation  are  they  all  degenerate.  Humanity  preserves 
its  own  equilibrium.  This  is  the  law  of  the  progress  which 
is  its  purpose.  If  there  is  more  corruption  now  than  in  the 
early  days  of  the  republic,  there  is  also  more  honesty.  The 
proportion  is  the  same. 

To-day,  in  the  full  glare  of  the  publicity  of  the  modern 
newspaper,  few  things  can  be  hidden ; every  public  matter  is 
laid  bare  before  the  judgment  of  an  argus-eyed  investiga- 
tion. Wrong  is  and  must  be,  but,  in  the  words  of  Garfield, 
“God  reigns  and  the  Government  at  Washington  still  lives.” 
Still  it  is  well  for  the  visitor  to  keep  an  eye  on  his  Congress- 
man, so  as  to  be  sure  that  you  will  get  all  “that  is  a-comin’ 
to  you.” 

Often,  however,  the  demands  upon  the  time  and  money  of 
our  national  representatives  are  so  great  that  they  exclaim  in 

4 


AROUND  THE  CAPITAL. 

despair:  “But  where  do  I come  in?”  For  theirs  is  no  easy 
life,  and  the  pay  is  not  at  all  commensurate  with  the  worry. 

Being  a Mecca  for  office-seeking  politicians  and  log-roll- 
ing lobbyists,  Washington  attracts  hosts  of  eccentric  charac- 
ters whose  adventures  in  search  of  the  spoils  of  office  often 
result  in  very  ludicrous  situations. 

It  differs  from  all  other  cities  in  many  essentials,  having  a 
large  “floating”  population.  The  statistics  of  the  liquor 
trade  will  bear  out  the  truth  of  this  statement. 

If  one  wishes  to  see  how  much  fun  there  is  in  certain  lines 
of  Washington  life,  the  newly  elected  Congressman,  when 
he  first  arrives  at  the  capital,  will  fill  the  bill.  He  is  usually 
attired  after  the  manner  of  statesmen,  with  closely  buttoned 
frock  coat,  highly  polished  boots,  and,  if  from  the  West,  a 
wide-brim,  slouch  hat. 

If  he  hails  from  an  Eastern  constituency  his  head  is  likely 
surmounted  with  a bright,  tall,  silk  hat. 

He  struts  along  Pennsylvania  Avenue  with  head  and 
shoulders  thrown  well  back,  clearly  conscious  of  bis  new- 
found importance,  and  woe  betide  the  old-time  friends  who, 
would  dare  to  address  him  familiarly.  All  are  held  at  arm’s 
lengti..  This  state  usually  lasts  about  a month.  Then,  as  he 
becomes  familiarized  with  his  'nigh  station,  he  gradually 
unbends  until  at  the  end  of  the  second  month  of  his  term  he 
is  most  likely  to  be  seen  accepting  an  invitation  to  the  “bar” 
of  the  House  at  the  expense  of  some  visiting  constituent. 

The  atmosphere  of  the  Capital  has  a peculiar  effect  on 
local  reputations  when  they  are  first  brought  within  its  in- 

5 


OA. 


MjC. 


AROUND  THE  CAPITAL. 


fluence.  Many  a budding  statesman,  who  at  home  could 
blow  a mighty  trumpet  blast,  has  found  that  he  made  no 
more  noise  than  a jew’s-harp  in  a brass  band  when  he 
reached  the  Capitol. 

A man  must,  indeed,  be  great  to  show  above  the  crowd 
where  many  eminent  men  abound.  One  cannot  go  about  the 
streets  without  running  into  a Supreme  Court  Justice,  an 
admiral,  a general,  a Pullman-car  porter  or  some  one  equally 
great ; and  it  is  not  at  all  safe  to  address  a stranger  on  the 
street  as  colonel  lest  he  should  prove  to  be  a general. 

It  is  certainly  disconcerting,  when,  after  having  been 
seated  next  to  a gentleman  in  a theatre,  and  having  gone 
out  with  him  a couple  of  times  between  the  acts  for  refresh- 
ments, or  fresh  air,  and  after  having  become  quite  familiar 
with  him,  to  have  some  one  come  up  and  address  him  as 
“General.”  This  is  apt  to  take  some  of  the  conceit  out  of 
one,  especially  if  one  should  happen  to  be — merely  a colonel. 

A glance  at  the  occupants  of  a Washington  trolley  car  will 
usually  show  them  to  be  statesmen  with  massive  brows  and 
all  the  appearances  of  overpowering  intellect. 

But  these  are  merely  surface  indications.  If  one  should 
take  the  trouble  to  follow  them  to  their  destinations  it 
might  be  discovered  that  they  were  merely  department 
clerks. 

Everything  in  the  city  of  Washington  savors  of  states- 
manship. The  people  walk  the  streets  like  Roman  Senators, 
with  stately  tread  and  with  an  air  of  tremendous  importance. 

The  letter-carrier,  who  in  other  cities  goes  his  rounds  with 

6 


REAR  ADMIRAL  ROBLEY  D.  EVANS,  F.  B.  (Fighting  Bob)  has  a great 
reputation  as  a fighter,  liaving  no  fear  whatever  of  danger  in  any  form, 
be  it  in  the  shape  of  Cannon  balls.  Fish  balls  or  Inauguration  balls. 
Wears  Cannon  balls  for  buttons  on  his  uniform  and  is  never  seen  with- 
out a chip  on  his  shoulder. 


7 


AROUND  THE  CAPITAL. 


the  heavy  step  of  a hard-working  man,  in  Washington  hands 
you  your  mail  with  all  the  aplomb  of  an  ambassador  deliver- 
ing a message  of  State;  and  your  newsboy  salutes  you  like 
an  aide-de-camp  when  you  hand  him  a nickel. 

It’s  in  the  air,  and  you  can  no  more  escape  it  than  you  can 
the  grippe  when  influenza  abounds. 

Washington  is  often  referred  to  as  the  city  of  magnificent 
distances.  Whether  this  is  a compliment  or  a stigma  has 
never  been  fully  determined.  One  thing  is  certain — there  is 
a magnificent  distance  between  the  United  States  Senator 
and  the  common  citizen — in  the  estimation  of  the  former. 

This  magnificent  distance,  however,  does  not  exist  between 
the  President  and  the  sovereign  people.  It  is  erroneously 
believed  by  many  that  he  is  elected  to  occupy  a position 
somewhat  resembling  that  of  the  ruler  of  a great  nation. 
This  is  palpably  a misconception.  His  ostensible  position  is 
that  of  Chief  Executive,  but  his  real  vocation  is  that  of  chief 
handshaker  at  the  White  House. 

To  see  the  President  standing  in  the  East  Room  at  the 
Executive  Mansion  shaking  hands  with  a long  line  of  vis- 
itors from  every  section  of  our  great  and  glorious  republic, 
comprising  specimens  of  all  grades  of  humanity,  is  a sight 
never  to  be  forgotten,  and  the  way  they  beam  on  him  with 
a certain  proprietary  sort  of  air  (as  if  to  say,  “My  vote 
helped  to  put  you  where  you  are”)  is  replete  with  humor. 

It  was  related  of  a great  poet  of  the  last  century  that  “he 
dearly  loved  a lord.”  It  can  truthfully  be  said  of  the  great 
American  public  that  it  dearly  loves  a President  whose  hand 

8 


AROUND  THE  CAPITAL. 


V kY.  '^• 


it  can  shake.  Shaking  and  squeezing  his  hand  is  one  of  the 
ways  it  has  of  showing  its  patriotism,  and  Washingtonians 
are  particularly  patriotic.  Flags  are  flown  from  the  win- 
dows on  the  slightest  provocation. 

Periods  of  time  are  here  reckoned  by  Administrations. 
Washingtonians  wishing  to  recall  the  date  of  some  past 
event  always  refer  to  it  as  having  occurred  during  some 
Administration,  Anno  Domini  being  completely  ignored. 

Washington  is  an  American  city — no  city  in  the  country 
is  more  American — without  the  one  characteristic  that  is 
supposed  to  be  most  American.  It  has  no  business.  There 
is  no  commerce  nor  trade  in  the  city  at  all  commensurate 
with  its  importance  and  population,  and  although  the  Capi- 
tal of  a nation  of  people  who  love  the  theatre,  is,  in  the 
slang  of  the  profession,  only  a “one-week  stand.” 

These  little  incongruities  show  what  an  incongruous  city 
it  is.  However,  with  all  its  inconsistencies,  the  National 
Capital  is  a gem  of  the  first  water — a jewel  in  Columbia’s 
crown  of  cities,  of  which  every  American  should  feel  proud. 


10 


AROUND  THE  CAPITAL. 


CHAPTER  II. 

UNCLE  HANK. 


ENRY  SLOCUM  was  as  fine  a specimen  of  Yankee 
manhood  as  it  was  possible  to  find.  His  kindly 
H W intelligent  face  beamed  with  good  nature  and 

' seemed  incapable  of  a frown.  Although  his  gait 

was  somewhat  ungainly  and  his  make-up  savored  of  the 
cornfield  and  potato  patch,  no  one,  who  really  knew  him, 
would  think  of  underestimating  his  abilities.  But  occasion- 
ally some  one  would  size  up  the  old  gentleman  as  an  ordi- 
nary countryman  and  endeavor  to  measure  wits  with  him, 
and  would  find  to  his  astonishment  that  he  was  no  match 
for  the  astute  New  Englander. 

Uncle  Hank,  as  he  was  familiarly  known,  possessed  all 
the  traits  of  character  peculiar  to  his  race.  Keenly  alive  to 
the  humorous  aspects  of  every  situation,  he  was  nevertheless 
a philosopher  as  well,  and  many  a witticism  was  accom- 
panied by  some  sage  allusion  that  rendered  the  humorous 
observation  more  than  ordinarily  effective. 

He  had  long  wished  for  an  opportunity  to  visit  the  Na- 
tional Capital,  of  which  he  had  heard  and  read  so  much  in 
his  span  of  threescore  and  ten  of  existence. 

His  life  had  been  spent  largely  on  a typical  New  England 

11 


AROUND  THE  CAPITAL. 


A/,r. 


farm  about  a dozen  miles  from  Medford,  Mass.  Save  for 
a couple  of  trips  to  Boston  he  had  never  left  home  for  an 
extended  visit  until  he  had  made  a journey  to  the  Pan-Amer- 
ican Exposition,  and  that  experience  just  put  his  sight- 
seeing proclivities  on  edge  and,  as  he  expressed  it  to  Salem 
Sodgett,  his  neighbor,  “He’d  read  so  tarnal  much  abaout  thet 
Washington  thet  he  guessed  he’d  hev  tew  go  thar  an’  see 
th’  place  thet  th’  noospapers  hed  so  much  tew  say  abaout.” 

As  he  stood  one  bright  morning  in  midwinter  with  his 
“grip”  in  one  hand  and  a bulky  umbrella  under  his  arm 
while  he  carefully  adjusted  his  spectacles  to  more  accurately 
survey  the  imposing  structure  known  as  the  Capitol  Build- 
ing, he  suddenly  burst  out  with  an  ejaculation  of  surprise 
and  merriment. 

“Frum  th’  sublime  tew  th’  ridickulus — ’tis  but  a step! — 
Jest  look  at  th’  monkeyfied  ackshuns  of  thet  feller?  I’ll  bet 
he’s  a new  Congressman  hevin’  his  pictur  took  tew  send 
hum  tew  his  constitooents  tew  show  ’em  he’s  th’  only 
statesman  tew  be  seen  on  th’  Capitol  steps,  an’  he’s  got  up 
early  tew  do  et.” 

Uncle  Hank’s  sarcastic  remarks  were  evoked  by  the 
ridiculous  spectacle  afforded  by  the  theatrical  postures  of 
a presumably  new  member  who  had  taken  advantage  of  the 
early  hour  of  the  day  to  get  a photographer  to  take  his 
majestic  figure  standing  on  the  steps  of  the  Capitol.  In 
posing  to  get  the  best  effect  he  had  assumed  every  position 
known  to  posturing  statesmen,  besides  many  which  are  not 
known  off  the  Comic  Opera  stage.  It  was  the  ridiculous 

1‘^ 


■'A  WISE  DOG  NEVER  KILLS  SHEEP  NEAR  TEW  HUM— SUM  OV  TH’  CONGRISSMEN 
EN  WASHINGTON  EZ  A THOUSAND  MILES  FRUM  HUM.”— UNCLE  HANK. 


AROUND  THE  CAPITAL. 


appearance  created  by  some  of  these  postures  that  called 
forth  the  amused  ejaculation  from  the  plain  matter-of-fact 
farmer  who  also  had  gotten  up  early  to  see  the  sights. 
He  had,  in  fact,  just  completed  a jaunt  around  the  stately 
structure  and  was  waxing  enthusiastic  in  its  praise  when  the 
humorous  spectacle  of  the  “new  member”  posing  for  a 
photograph  caught  his  eye.  It  was  too  much  for  the  risi- 
bilities of  the  witty  Yankee — 

“Shades  ov  Dan’l  Webster!  Ef  thet’s  a sample  ov  a 
Congressman  I don’t  think  much  ov  Congress — but  I won- 
der ef  et's  like  ez  Salem  Sodgett  (who’s  a good  bit  ov  a 
politicianer  up  aour  way)  sez  ‘they  ain’t  sendin’  no  good 
men  tew  Congress  naow’days — all  th’  brainy  men  ez 
hired  by  th’  Trusts.’  An’  ef  th’  one  I see  this  mornin’  be 
a true  sample  ov  th’  lot  I calkilate  he’s  abaout  right,  by 
ginger !” 

• As  he  ascended  the  Capitol  steps  he  resolved  to  hunt 
' up  his  nephew,  Harry  Slocum,  who  was  a newspaper  corre- 
spondent at  Washington  and  who,  he  rightly  judged,  could 
aid  him  materially  in  seeing  the  sights  at  the  Capital. 

As  he  walked  along  the  corridor  towards  the  south  wing 
he  stopped  a page  who  was  hurrying  to  his  station  in  the 
“House.” 

“Sonny,”  exclaimed  he,  “kin  ye  tell  me  whar  I kin  find 
Harry  Slocum?” 

“Has  he  got  anything  to  do  with  the  pages?”  inquired 
the  boy. 


14 


ADJ. -GENERAL  HENRY  CLARK  CORBIN  lias  a fine  record  In  the  war  office;  having  se- 
cured it  by  walking  rough  shod  over  Miles  (ot  red  tape).  In  military  circles  Is  known 
as  the  autocrat  o£  Washington  D.  C.  (District  ot  Corbin). 

15 


AROUND  THE  CAPITAL. 


NY. 


“Pages ! Why,  sonny,  he  knocks  aont  page  after  page 
fer  them  EFoo-England  papers.’’ 

“He  must  be  a scrapper,’’  exclaimed  the  youth  m amaze- 
ment. 

“I  reckon  he  is,  ef  thet’s  what  ye  call  them  fellers  thet 
ketches  every  scrap  ov  noos  thet’s  tew  be  ketched,”  replied 
the  old  man. 

“Oh,  you  mean  he’s  a correspondent,”  exclaimed  the 
youth,  with  a smile.  “I  guess  you’ll  find  your  friend  in 
the  press  gallery,”  and  the  young  man  pointed  the  way  to 
the  stairs,  up  which  Uncle  Hank  lost  no  time  in  making  his 
way. 

Just  as  be  was  about  to  enter  the  exclusive  gallery 
reserved  for  the  newspaper  fraternity,  he  was  accosted  by 
a dapper  young  man  who  grasped  him  familiarly  by  the 
hand. 

“Why,  Uncle,  I’ve  been  looking  for  you  all  the  morning,” 
he  exclaimed.  “Mother  wrote  me  you  were  coming  and 
told  me  to  be  on  the  lookout  for  you,  and  to  show  you  all 
there  was  to  be  shown.” 

“Wall,  ye  see,  Harry,  I bed  beam  so  much  abaout  Wash- 
ington an’  th’  big  men  tew'  be  seen  hereabaouts  thet  I jest 
thot  I’d  look  an’  see  fer  myself  ef  they  waz  ez  big  an’  ez 
great  ez  they  sed  they  waz.” 

“Well,  Uncle,  I trust  your  expectations  will  be  realized,” 
remarked  Harry  with  a smile. 

“Ez  th’  poet  sez — ‘Distance  lends  incl.antment  tew  th’ 
view’ — an’  I reckon  some  ov  them  great  men  shrink  con- 

10 


M.  JULES  TAMBON,  Ambassador  from  France  has  all  the  characteristic  politeness  of  man- 
ner peculiar  to  his  race.  Kis  motto  is  "In  'NVashington  do  as  they  do  in  Paris— Be  Polite.” 


17 


AROUND  THE  CAPITAL. 


siderbal  when  ye  git  ’em  et  short  range,”  and  the  old  gen- 
tleman’s face  hroadened  into  a smile  as  he  recalled  the 
amusing  spectacle  he  had  witnessed  as  he  ascended  the 
Capitol  steps  that  morning. 

“Now,  Uncle,”  exclaimed  Harry,  “I’ll  have  to  introduce 
you  as  a journalist,  as  the  press  gallery  is  supposed  to  he 
for  newspaper  men  exclusively,  and  I’ll  trust  to  your 
ready  wit  to  answer  all  requirements.”  And  with  this  the 
pair  entered  the  enclosure  allotted  to  the  press. 


18 


AROUND  THE  CAPITAL. 


CHAPTER  HI. 


THE  HOUSE  OF  REPRESENTATIVES. 


• j mS  Uncle  Hank  took  his  seat  in  the  press  gallery  with 
his  nephew  at  his  elbow  to  point  out  the  celebrities 
^ ■ on  the  floor  and  to  explain  the  various  methods 
of  parliamentary  procedure,  he  noticed  that  the 
Speaker’s  desk  was  directly  beneath  him  and  his  first  whis- 
pered question  to  his  mentor  was  in  reference  to  this 
personage. 

“Ye  call  him  th’  Speaker?’’  he  inquired.  “Why,  he 
hain’t  doin’  no  speakin’  ez  I kin  see ; et’s  them  fellers  on  th’ 
floor  thet’s  doin’  all  th’  speakin’,’’  and  the  old  gentleman’s 
face  bore  a peculiar  expression  which  his  nephew  was  un- 
able to  define  as  indicative  of  inquiry  or  mirth. 

“They  don’t  seem  tew  be  payin’  much  attenshun  tew  thet 
chap  thet’s  speakin’  over  thar?’’  continued  he. 

“He’s  a new  member.  Uncle;  they  don’t  pay  much  atten- 
tion to  new  members.” 

A new  member  had  secured  the  floor  to  divest  himself  of 
his  maiden  speech,  and  he  had  fondly  imagined  that  he  was 
the  cynosure  of  all  eyes.  Had  he  not  been  so  fully  en- 
grossed in  his  subject  he  would  have  noticed  that  after  a 
few  minutes’  attention  from  his  fellow  members  (due  in  a 

19 


AROUND  THE  CAPITAL. 


■'^'^^A1£RA.C,PA- 


great  measure  to  curiosity  and  a desire  to  “size  up”  a new 
aspirant  for  Congressional  honors)  he  was  speaking  to 
empty  chairs  as  far  as  the  House  was  concerned.  As 
soon  as  he  began  to  warm  up  to  his  subject  the  older  mem- 
bers proceeded  to  settle  back  in  their  seats  immersed  in 
newspapers,  or  began  to  chat  with  one  another  m so  free  a 
manner  that  soon  the  Hall  was  filled  with  the  hum  of  con- 
versation which  was  only  partly  subdued  by  the  sharp 
rapping  of  the  Speaker’s  gavel. 

Finally  he  began  to  realize  that  he  was  not  being  listened 
to  and  he  proceeded  to  raise  his  voice  to  a higher  key. 
This  only  served  to  raise  the  pitch  of  the  conversation  about 
him  until,  in  sheer  desperation,  he  appealed  to  the  “Chair” 
for  attention  on  the  part  of  the  “House.” 

Then  the  Speaker  rapped  loudly  and  persistently  for 
order,  and  the  new  member  proceeded  with  his  address  with 
a little  better  attention  from  a few  members  in  his  immedi- 
ate vicinity,  while  the  rest  of  the  members,  being  perfectly 
indifferent  as  to  what  an  unknown  might  have  to  say, 
quietly,  one  by  one,  stepped  out  to  the  cloak  rooms  to 
resume  their  story  telling  or  taking  advantage  of  a lull  in 
the  proceedings  (as  they  considered  the  new  member’s 
allotment  of  time),  adjourned  to  the  House  Restaurant  to 
allay  a newly  discovered  hunger — or  thirst. 

Just  as  he  was  becoming  used  to  the  situation  and  was 
beginning  to  believe  that  he  was  delivering  an  oratorical 
masterpiece  he  was  rudely  brought  to  a sudden  stop  by  the 
pounding  of  the  Speaker’s  gavel  and,  pausing  to  learn  the 

20 


THE  NEW  MEMBER. 

21 


AROUND  THE  CAPITAL. 


cause,  was  coldly  informed  that  his  allotment  of  time  was 
exhausted.  Then  mopping  the  perspiration  from  his 
fevered  brow  he  resumed  his  seat,  a sorely  disappointed 
and  disillusioned  man. 

Uncle  Hank’s  attention  was  now  called  to  several  mem- 
bers jumping  to  their  feet  and  frantically  waving  their 
arms,  trying  to  get  recognition  from  the  Speaker,  who 
finally  designated  the  “Gentleman  from  New  York”  as 
being  entitled  to  the  floor. 

“That  is  Sereno  Payne,  the  leader  of  the  majority,”  ex- 
plained Harry.  “You  see  the  Democrats  are  on  the  right 
and  the  Republicans  left.” 

“Republicans  left — an’  in  th’  majority?  I reckon  yer 
wrong  abaout  thet,  Harry,”  retorted  the  old  gentleman, 
poking  him  in  the  ribs  to  emphasize  his  little  joke. 

“Et’s  wonderful  haow  th’  Speaker  kin  recollect  th’  State 
each  member  comes  frum  th’  moment  he  hops  up,”  con- 
tinued Uncle  Hank. 

“Yes,  it  is  wonderful,”  replied  Harry.  “Speaker  Hen- 
derson is  an  adept  in  that  line.  That  white-haired  member 
sitting  about  the  center  of  the  left  is  Galusha  Grow,  of 
Pennsylvania,  the  Patriarch  of  the  House.  He  was 
Speaker  before  the  Civil  War.  The  tall,  thin  looking  man 
who  is  speaking  to  him  is  Joseph  G.  Cannon  of  Illinois, 
the  Chairman  of  the  Committee  on  Appropriations — a 
most  important  committee,  as  it  practically  has  charge  of 
Uncle  Sam’s  purse  strings.” 

“Who’s  thet  chap  with  th’  round  shoulders,  talkin’  tew 

22 


AROUND  THE  CAPITAL. 


Mass. 


th’  little  fat  feller?”  inquired  Uncle  Hank,  indicating  a 
couple  of  members  directly  beneath  them. 

"That  is  Spencer  Blackburn  of  North  Carolina  talking  to 
George  B.  McClellan  of  New  York,  the  son  of  ‘Little  Mac,’ 
the  famous  Union  General  of  the  Civil  War,”  replied 
Harry,  “and  the  two  members  coming  down  the  aisle  are 
General  Grosvenor  of  Ohio  and  General  Harry  Bingham  of 
Pennsylvania,  and  that  distinguished  looking  man  they’ve 
stopped  to  talk  to  is  Champ  Clark  of  Missouri,  one  of  the 
best  speakers  on  the  Democratic  side.” 

“Champ,  did  ye  say,  Harry?”  inquired  the  old  gentleman, 
in  a quizzical  tone.  “Ez  thet  short  fer  Champeen?” 

“No,  Uncle,  but  the  name  fits  him — he’s  the  champion 
debater  on  the  minority’s  side.  Some  of  the  member’s 
names  are  quite  suggestive  of  their  dispositions ; for  in- 
stance, there  is  William  Sulzer,  whom  the  members  have 
nicknamed  ‘Seltzer,’  on  account  of  his  tendency  to  pop 
up  at  unexpected  times ; and  then  there  is  R.  R.  Hitt,  who 
hit  the  railroads  pretty  hard  on  several  occasions.  Some 
of  the  names,  however,  are  not  quite  so  appropriate — 
Moody  of  North  Carolina  is  not  at  all  moody  or  morose, 
and  no  one  would  think  of  intimating  that  H.  C.  Loudens- 
lager  was  addicted  to  ‘lager.’  ” 

“I  see  ye’ve  got  them  names  down  purty  fine,  Harry,”  re- 
marked the  old  man  when  he  had  concluded  his  description. 
“Naow,  what  might  be  th’  name  ov  thet  tall  bean-pole 
over  yonder?” 

“That  is  the  tallest  member  of  the  House — Cyrus  A. 

U 


GALUSHA  GROW,  M.  C..  fro*n 
Pa.  Original  d.scoverer  of 
Congress,  the  date  of  h'.s  dis- 
covery is  not  definitely 
known,  being  'far  beyond  the 
memory  of  the  present  gen- 
eration. Was  elected  speaker 
in  1861,  but  managed  to  grow 
out  of  it- 


25 


AROUND  THE  CAPITAL. 


MINN.~5  M.c 


Sulloway,  and  the  little  fellow  he  is  shaking  hands  with 
is  the  new  member  who  beat  Perry  Belmont  after  a red 
hot  fight  in  New  York — Montague  Lessler,  who  has 
already  made  himself  very  popular  with  his  fellow  mem- 
bers.” 

“Wall,  they  look  like  a free  an’  easy  lot,  half  th’  time  they 
pay  no  attenshun  tew  th’  speeches.” 

“Well,  you  see.  Uncle,  they  do  most  of  their  work  in 
the  committee  rooms,  and  it  is  rarely  that  a bill  is  passed 
on  the  strength  of  the  speeches  made  in  its  favor  on  the 
floor.” 

“Whar's  th’  logs,  Harry?”  inquired  Uncle  Hank,  after 
a searching  glance  over  the  “House.” 

“The  logs — what  logs?  I don’t  c|uite  understand.” 
“Why,  them  logs  th’  logrollers  use.” 

“Oh,  I see!”  ejaculated  Harry,  with  a smile.  “I  think 
you’ll  be  apt  to  And  them  in  the  lobby — among  the  lobby- 
ists.” 

“Ez  thet  cloak  room,  whar  they  go  tew  cloak  ther 
crooked  work — er  ez  et  th’  room  ther  female  friends  hang 
up  ther  cloaks  when  they  call  on  ther  members?” 

“Well,  Uncle,”  responded  Harry,  “the  cloak  room  is 
rather  out  of  date — you  see  the  name  was  adopted  at  the 
time  when  it  was  the  fashion  for  members  to  wear  long 
cloaks.  Now,  Uncle,  I propose  we  go  down  to  the  ‘floor,’ 
as  there  is  little  likelihood  of  anything  of  an  interesting 
character  happening  as  long  as  that  member  has  the  floor,” 
pointing  to  a member  in  the  rear  of  the  chamber,  who  was 

2G 


MONTAGUE  LESSLER,  M.  C..  from  New  York:  notable  as  the  man  who  beat  Perry  Belmont 
in  a race  for  Congress.  Mr.  Belmont  thinks  more  of  Less-ler  now. 

27 


AROUND  THE  CAPITAL. 


ly  w.vA.  / M.C..J 


4 0 t- 


droning  out  what  seemed  like  an  interminable  discourse 
on  the  legal  phase  of  a certain  bill  before  the  House. 

As  they  passed  along  the  corridors,  Harry  chanced  to 
meet  one  of  the  members  who  had  just  been  elected  to 
represent  the  most  aristocratic  district  in  New  York  City, 
and  in  introducing  him  to  his  uncle  had  mentioned  the 
fact  that  he  was  a “tenderfoot.”  This  seemed  to  grate 
rather  harshly  on  the  sensibilities  of  the  new  member,  who 
retorted  with  some  asperity : 

“I  say,”  said  he,  addressing  his  remarks  to  Harry,  “there 
is  something  about  the  w^ay  you  newspaper-men  have  of 
referring  to  men  like  myself  as  ‘new’  and  ‘tender’  when 
they  first  appear  in  Congress  that  goes  against  the  grain. 
My  father  was  in  Congress,  and  I have  been  imbibing 
principles  of  statecraft  ever  since  I wore  knickerbockers. 
When  I first  entered  politics  they  called  me  a ‘silk  stock- 
ing,’ and  sneered  openly  because  I changed  my  shirt  once 
or  twice  a day,  although  I can’t  see  what  the  texture  of  a 
man’s  hosiery  or  the  frequency  with  which  he  changes  his 
linen  has  to  do  with  his  political  convictions.  As  a matter 
of  fact,  I prefer  lisle  thread  to  silk  for  hosiery. 

“One  thing  I found  out  rather  quickly  in  Congressional 
life,”  he  continued,  “is  that  gentility  is  not  a geographical 
question.  It  is  as  apt  to  come  from  one  section  of  the 
country  as  from  another,  and  there  are  many  ways  of 
defining  a gentleman.  There  is  a friend  of  mine  in  the 
House  who  is  so  Southern  in  fibre  that  when  he  talks  I 
am  strongly  reminded  of  the  famous  hero  of  F.  Hopkinson 

28 


JOSEPH  0.  CANNON.  M.  C.,  from  Illinois,  is  chairman  of  tile  Committee  on  Appropria- 
tions. In  this  capae.ty  his  a m is  to  succcssfuily  pierce  the  stcci  armor  of  the  Ciiited 
States  Treasury.  The  Democrats  (economically  inclined  when  out  of  offlcci  threaten  tO 
ore  CdQQon  Wh^n  they  get  control  of  Congress  again. 

29 


AROUND  THE  CAPITAL. 


iJX'; 


Smith’s  novel,  ‘Colonel  Carter,  of  Cartersville.’  He  is  a 
gentleman  to  the  core ; in  fact,  a thoroughgoing  aristocrat. 
Yet,  he  thinks  I’m  ‘the  limit’  of  Northern  aristocracy,  but 
concedes  that  I ‘mean  well.’  ” 

“Well,  you  must  admit  that  is  a saving  clause  in  his 
estimate  of  you,’’  retorted  Harry,  with  a smile,  “and  in 
regard  to  this  stigma  of  newness,  as  you  seem  to  view  it,  it 
doesn’t  last  long — next  session  you’ll  be  a veteran.’’ 

“Thet  reminds  me  ov  a story,”  interposed  Uncle  Hank, 
who  had  been  listening  intently  to  the  remarks  of  the 
New  Yorker.  “Daown  en  Bostin  a tipsy  Irishman  got 
onto  a street  car,  an  ez  be  sot  daown  he  happened  tew 
run  up  again  a dood  who  muttered  somethin’  abaout 
‘drunken  fool.’  Th’  Irishman  fastened  his  onsteady  gaze 
on  th’  dood,  ez  he  retorted,  ‘Oi  may  be  d’hrunk  an’  all  thet 
— Oi’ll  git  over  thet — but  you’re  a dood ! an’  you’ll  never 
get  over  thot !’  ” 

“It  isn’t  the  aspersion  of  ‘newness’  that  I object  to,”  ex- 
claimed the  New  Yorker,  laughingly,  when  Uncle  Hank 
had  concluded  his  story,  “it’s  this  confounded  patronizing 
air  assumed  by  the  old  members  that  I can’t  stand.” 

“Wall,  jest  rub  et  in  on  th’  next  batch  ov  new  Con- 
gressmen thet’s  elected,”  rejoined  Uncle  Hank,  with  a good 
natured  grin. 

The  party  had  now  reached  the  main  entrance  to  the 
House,  around  which  was  congregated  a number  of  people 
patiently  waiting  to  see  the  members  lo  whom  they  had 
sent  in  their  names.  Presently  a member  would  appear 

30 


C.  H.  GROSVENOR.  M.  C,,  from  Ohio,  is  all  wool  and  a yard  wide.  His  touching  appeal  in 
behalf  of  the  Anti-Shoddy  Bill  brought  tears  from  all  of  the  wool  growers  and  many 
of  the  clothing  manufacturers  of  the  country.  Tlie  tears  of  the  latter  were  caused  by 
the  apprehension  that  they  might  be  compelled  to  manufacture  clothing  from  real  wool 
hereafter. 


31 


AROUND  THE  CAPITAL. 


<iW.\FTEELE  .M.C. 
IMD. 


at  the  door  holding  a card  in  his  hand,  then  spying  some 
one  in  the  crowd  he  would  move  over  to  an  obscure  corner 
with  his  visitor  to  engage  in  an  earnest  conversation.  If 
the  member  spoke  in  loud,  strident  tones,  rest  assured  his 
caller’s  mission  was  merely  in  relation  to  some  trivial  claim 
for  damages  to  a haystack,  or  the  loss  of  a mule  during 
the  war.  But  if  the  consultation  was  carried  on  in  whispers, 
accompanied  by  furtive  glances  around,  the  chances  were 
that  a lobbyist  was  pursuing  some  deep  laid  scheme  that 
would  not  stand  too  close  a scrutiny. 

The  crowd  that  surrounded  the  door  well  repaid  study. 
There  was  the  man  of  business,  clearly  a bank  president  or 
manager  of  some  large  corporation — if  that  rotund  figure 
and  florid  complexion  counted  for  anything.  Then  there 
was  the  inevitable  politician,  with  his  shiny  silk  hat  and 
loud  clothes,  and  a deep  bass  voice  that  can  only  be  acquired 
by  years  of  experience  at  Congressional  conventions,  or 
boisterous  primary  meetings.  Here  and  there  in  the  throng 
could  be  discerned  anxious  faces,  eager  with  expectancy. 
Their  frayed,  well  worn  garments  telling  eloquently  of 
days  of  patient  waiting  for  positions  in  the  departments,  that 
were  so  hard  to  obtain. 

Some  of  the  people  about  the  door,  however,  were  un- 
mistakably curiosity  seekers,  waiting  to  get  a glimpse  of 
some  well  known  member.  Harry  told  Uncle  Hank  that 
they  were  known  as  “Congressional  rubbernecks.” 

“Et’s  a free  show,  Harry,  an’  ye  can’t  blame  ’em,  fer  et’s 


I 


32 


JOHN  J.  FEELY.  M.  C.,  from 
i;linois,  being  the  youngest 
member  is  called  the  baby  of 
the  house,  but  he  is  consoled 
by  the  o.der  members  w.th 
the  assurance  that  he  will 
soon  grow  out  of  it.  His 
speeches  are  printed  in  the 
Congressional  Record  as 
“Baby  Talk.’* 


33 


AROUND  THE  CAPITAL. 

ez  good  ez  a circus  tew  watch  some  ov  them  Congress- 
men strut  abaout  like  turkey  gobblers  in  a barnyard.” 

After  strolling  about  the  corridors  for  some  time,  the 
old  gentleman  proposed  that  they  had  better  get  some- 
thing to  eat,  “ez  thet  gnawin’  sensashun  in  his  stummick 
waz  gittin’  altogether  too  annoyin’.” 

“The  restaurant  is  right  below,”  replied  Harry,  making 
his  way  to  the  stone  stairway  leading  to  the  famous 
refectory,  followed  closely  by  the  hungry  farmer,  who  was 
used  to  getting  his  noonday  repast  promptly  on  the  stroke 
of  the  noon  hour. 


34 


WILLIAM  Sl'LZER  and  H.  M.  GOLDFOOLE,  members  of  Congress  from  New  York,  are 
close  friends.  When  Congressman  Sulzer  bursts  forth  in  eloquence  on  the  floor  ex- 
Judge  Goldfogle  is  usually  an  appreciative  listener.  Mr.  Sulzer  fondly  imagines  that  Henry 
Clay  looked  Lke  William  Sulzer.  Some  of  his  friends  have  sought  to  conso:e  him  by 
assuring  him  that  he  would  eventually  grow  out  of  It. 

35 


HON.  JAMES  M.  MOODY  and  HON.  THEODORE  F.  KLUTZ.  Tar-H^el  Congressmen  from  the 
famous  State  noted  for  once  possessing  a Governor  who  propounded  a query  of  a bibu- 
lous nature  to  the  Governor  of  h^s  adjoining  State.  Mr.  Moody  is  said  to  be  the  best 
natured  man  in  Congress  and  his  co'league  is  not  far  behind  h.m  in  point  of  popu- 
larity. In  fact  they  are  said  to  be  both  “tarred  with  the  same  stick.” 

36 


AROUND  THE  CAPITAL. 


CHAPTER  IV. 

THE  HOUSE  RESTAURANT. 

“Upon  zvhat  meat  doth  this  our  Ccesar  feed,  that  he  is 
grozoi  so  great  f” 

CHUS  spoke  the  great  Shakespeare  many  years  ago, 
before  the  advent  of  the  i\Ieat  Trust.  In  these 
latter  days  of  variegated  foods  it  is  not  wholly  a 
matter  of  meat  that  concerns  the  modern  man. 
When  Marie  Antoinette  was  told  that  the  people  of  Paris 
were  clamoring  for  bread,  she  innocently  iurpiired  why 
could  they  not  be  supplied  with  cake?  When  the  stranger 
takes  his  first  meal  in  the  House  Restaurant,  he  scans  the 
menu  card  carefully,  and  then — orders  pie. 

Large  quantities  of  pie  are  consumed  hourly  while  the 
session  lasts — indeed,  pie  comes  very  near  being  the  national 
dish  if  one  were  to  judge  by  the  enormous  quantities  de- 
voured in  the  “National"  restaurant. 

The  House  of  Representatives  is  usually  referred  to  as 
the  popular  branch  of  Congress.  Certainly  the  most  popular 
part  of  this  popular  branch  is  the  House  Restaurant. 

This  can  be  readily  determined  by  a cursory'  examination 
of  the  different  stairways  leading  from  the  floor  of  the 

37 


AROUND  THE  CAPITAL. 


House.  It  will  be  seen  that  the  steps  leading  -down  to  the 
restaurant  are  worn  down  to  a much  greater  extent  than 
those  of  any  of  the  other  stairways. 

“This  is  called  the  ‘Lower  House,’  ” explained  Harry,  with 
a wink,  as  he  led  Uncle  Hank  down  the  stars  to  the  restau- 
rant. Entering  through  the  swinging  doors,  the  old  gentle- 
man, after  surveying  the  scene  carefully,  remarked: 

“Thar’s  a member  before  th’  House,  an’  I reckon  he'll 
soon  hev  th’  floor,  ef  he  don’t  look  sharp,  an’  then  I s’pose 
he’ll  Ce  laid  ontew  th’  table  accordin’  tew  th’  rules  of  th’ 
haouse?"  And  he  jerked  his  thumb  over  his  shoulder 
towards  a member  who  was  drinking  a glass  of  what  looked 
suspiciously  like  whiskey,  and  this  evidently  not  his  first 
glass. 

Harry  slapped  his  uncle  on  the  back,  and  declared  he 
was  quite  an  expert  parliamentarian. 

“However,”  he  rejoined,  "he  might  rise  to  a point  of 
order — from  the  manager.” 

“Thar’s  a feller  makin'  a p’int  ov  order  naow !’’  exclaimed 
Uncle  Hank,  as  he  indicated  a patron  at  one  of  the  tables 
who  was  pointing  his  finger  at  a waiter  to  attract  his 
attention. 

“Well,  now  you  are  before  the  bar  of  the  house.  1 
move  the  previous  question,”  remarked  Harry,  as  they 
lined  up  before  the  sable  bartender.  “What’ll  it  be?” 

“En  answer  tew  that  question,  I nominate  Hard  Cider.” 

“I’d  like  to  make  an  amendment  to  that — as  the  Hous^ 

3H 


AROUND  THE  CAPITAL. 


does  not  deal  in  cider.  Strike  out  cider  and  insert  Congres- 
sional Highball.” 

“I  object  tew  th’  amendment.  The  last  time  I tried  them  . 
tarnal  ‘high  balls’  I went  rollin’  hum  in  th’  mornin’ — if  th’ 
Haouse  don’t  keep  cider  in  stock,  I’ll  nominate  a bottle  ov 
Sody.” 

‘‘Dat  amendment  passed,  sah !”  remarked  the  ebony-hued 
bartender,  with  an  expansive  grin,  as  he  passed  the  bottle 
across  the  bar. 

As  they  proceeded  to  test  the  quality  of  the  refreshment 
ordered,  Harry  remarked : “You  will  observe  they  do  busi- 
ness on  this  floor  very  much  the  same  as  on  the  floor  above — 
all  bills  are  sent  up  to  the  chairman,  and  are  placed  by  him 
on  file.”  So  saying,  he  picked  up  his  bill  and  proceeded 
to  the  cashier’s  desk  and  liquidated  his  liquor  bill. 

“Thet’s  a sort  ov  payin’  th’  price  thet  staggers  humanity,” 
remarked  the  old  man,  as  he  observed  the  operation. 

The  pair  now  proceeded  to  one  of  the  tables  to  order 
something  more  substantial  in  the  way  of  refreshment. 
Soon  they  were  waited  on  by  a polite  colored  waiter,  who 
deferentially  inclined  his  head  to  take  their  order. 

“What  does  your  appetite  call  for.  Uncle?”  impiired 
Harry. 

“Wall,  my  appetite  calls  for  Boston  baked  beans  an’ 
brown  bread,  but  I reckon  thet  when  yer  in  Rome,  ye’fl 
better  do  ez  Romans  dew,  an’  I’ll  jest  order  sum  ov  thet 
‘bullyun’  soup,  an’  follow  et  up  with  th’  rest  ov  them 
dishes  named  on  thet  bill  ov  fare.” 

39 


M.C. 

tNa 


AROUND  THE  CAPITAL. 


OHIO. 


As  the  polite  waiter  departed  to  fill  their  order,  Harry 
called  Uncle  Hank’s  attention  to  the  obsequiousness  of  the 
colored  man. 

“You  see,  Uncle,  that  waiter  is  very  polite ; you’d  better 
tip  him.” 

“Wall,  Harry,  I like  a joke  ez  good  ez  anyone,  but 
when  a coon  ez  perlite  tew  me,  I hain’t  got  th’  heart  tew 
tip  him  up,  especially  when  he’s  got  a big  lot  ov  dishes 
on  his  tray.” 

Harry  laughed  outright  at  the  old  man’s  misconception 
of  a “tip,”  but  soon  explained  the  matter  to  his  satisfaction. 

It  was  not  long  before  they  were  busily  engaged  in 
satisfying  the  inner  man,  so  busy,  indeed,  that  they  did  not 
notice  the  occupants  of  the  adjoining  table. 

A quartette  of  sombre,  dignified  looking  men  were, 
seated  at  this  table,  in  the  center  of  which  stood  a small 
bowl  of  crackers,  and  in  front  of  each  gentleman  stood  a 
tea  cup  and  saucer.  Several  times  the  waiter  brought  his 
tray  to  their  table,  but  always  with  the  same  order — four 
cups  of  cold  tea.  It  was  not  long  before  this  caught  Uncle 
Hank’s  eye. 

“Et  seems  tew  me  aour  neighbors  thar  ez  great  tea 
drinkers,”  he  whispered  to  Harry. 

“Yes,  Uncle,  that’s  Congressional  tea — it  looks  like  tea — 
but ” 

“Et  tastes  like  whiskey,  eh  ?”  interposed  Uncle  Hank,  with 
a significant  wink. 

The  restaurant  had  now  filled  up  quite  perceptibly,  and 

40 


CYRUS  A.  SULLOWAY.  M.  C.,  from  New  Hampshire,  has  been  longer  in  Congress  than  any 
other  member — about  a foot  longer.  While  not  considered  proud  or  haughty,  it  has 
been  noticed  that  he  has  a habit  of  looking  down  on  h.s  fellow  members,  holding  hl3 
head  very  high  on  all  occasions. 


41 


AROUND  THE  CAPITAL. 


I NO. 


it  presented  a very  animated  scene ; Congressmen,  in 
affluent  circumstances,  were  entertaining  friends  in  the  most 
lavish  manner,  while  the  economically  inclined  contented 
themselves  with  more  meagre  lunches.  Chicle  Hank  was 
not  slow  to  perceive  the  marked  difference  between  the 
member  in  moderate  circumstances  and  the  man  of  wealth. 

“I  tell  ye,  Harry,  them  wealthy  members  spend  so  much 
time  en  dinin’  on  quail  on  toast  that  they  hev  no  time  tew 
think  ov  th’  American  Eagle.” 

The  restaurant  was  in  full  blast  now^ ; all  was  life  and 
activity.  Groups  of  diners  were  formed  in  corners.  Every- 
body knew  everybody  else.  Everybody  was  laughing, 
talking,  joking  and  having  a good  time;  a more  animated 
scene  it  would  be  difficult  to  conceive.-  Handsomely 
gowned,  beautiful  women  were  chatting  pleasantly  with 
stately,  sombre-browed  statesmen.  Congressmen  from  all 
sections  were  hobnobbing  with  their  constituents  in  unob- 
trusive corners — the  long  drawl  of  the  Southerner  mingling 
with  the  nasal  intonations  of  the  New  Englander.  As  the 
crowd  increased,  the  chatter  of  conversation  grew  louder 
and  vied  with  the  clatter  of  dishes  for  supremacy. 

The  new  Congressman  was  present  with  all  his  new- 
found importance,  but  failed  to  impress  here,  as  on  the  floor 
above.  Evidently  nobody  knew  the  new  member — even  that 
impressionable  personage,  the  waiter,  failed  to  be  impressed ; 
it  was  sad.  The  new  Congressman  walked  the  length  of  the 
room  and  out  again  at  the  other  door ; he  was  no  more  than 
a button  on  the  waiter’s  coat.  In  fact,  all  distinction  of 

42 


SERENO  PAYNE  LIXTVRING  THE  DEMOCRAT' 

43 


Jlo. 


AROUND  THE  CAPITAL. 

rank  and  station  was  blotted  out  in  the  Congressional 
restaurant.  There  was  no  haughty  doortender  to  demand 
your  card  on  admittance,  and  you  didn’t  have  to  draw 
lots  for  seats.  The  only  qualification  required  was  the 
ability  to  pay  your  bid,  and  the  only  “pull”  requisite — the 
pull  you  gave  the  coat  tail  of  the  waiter  as  he  passed  you 
by  without  taking  your  order. 


44 


AROUND  THE  CAPITAL. 


CHAPTER  V. 

THE  SENATE. 

“Some  of  you  nicely  ken  the  laws. 

To  round  the  period  and  pause, 

And  zvi’  rhetoric  clause  on  clause 

To  make  harangues.” — Burns. 

CHE  chaplain  had  just  concluded  his  invocation  to 
the  Almighty  to  graciously  guide  the  “grave  and 
reverend”  Senators  in  their  weighty  deliberations 
when  Uncle  Hank  and  his  nephew  arrived  at  the 
door  of  the  gallery  reserved  for  “gentlemen.”  Here  they 
found  nearly  all  the  seats  occupied,  and  they  were  about 
to  beat  a hasty  retreat  when  Harry  discovered  a couple 
vacant  in  an  obscure  corner.  When  they  were  seated  they 
discovered  that  theT  neighljors  were  two  burly  citizens  of 
African  descent,  who  had  arrived  earlier  and  had  secujed 
points  of  vantage.  Uncle  Hank  was  soon  on  familiar  terms 
with  his  neighbor,  and  before  long  had  him  grinning  from 
ear  to  ear  at  some  of  his  comments  on  the  scenes  below. 
Placing  his  mouth  close  to  the  darky’s  ear  he  would  whisper 
for  a few  seconds,  and  the  African  would  guffaw  with  a 
burst  of  merriment  that  soon  attracted  the  attention  of 
the  officer  in  charge,  who  lost  no  time  in  warning  him 

45 


AROUND  THE  CAPITAL. 


that  if  he  laughed  like  that  again  he  would  put  him  out 
of  the  gallery,  as  it  was  not  a circus  he  was  attending. 
The  old  gentleman  waited  until  the  officer’s  back  was 
turned  and  then,  leaning  over,  whispered  what  must  have 
been  a particularly  good  joke,  for  the  darky  just  laid 
back  and  roared.  This  brought  the  officer  to  his  side  at 
once,  and,  seizing  hold  of  his  arm,  led  him  from  the  gallery, 
at  the  same  time  darting  a suspicious  glance  at  Uncle  Hank, 
whose  face  betrayed  not  the  slightest  trace  of  merriment, 
but  who  at  once  took  possession  of  the  vacated  seat  with  a 
grunt  of  supreme  satisfaction,  as  it  afforded  him  an  excel- 
lent opportunity  to  view  the  proceedings  in  the  chamber 
below. 

Harry  was  both  amazed  and  amused  at  his  uncle's  shrewd 
scheme  to  get  a better  seat.  “That  was  a slick  trick.  Uncle,” 
he  whispered. 

“ ’Twan’t  no  trick,  Harry,’’  he  answered,  “et’s  only  a new 
application  ov  th’  doctrin’  ov  th’  survival  ov  th’  fittest,” 
and  the  old  man  winked  a very  emphatic  wink. 

The  chamber  was  now  filling  up  very  fast,  and  the 
Senators  were  nearly  ah  in  their  respective  seats. 

Harry  had  procured  descriptive  cards  with  diagrams 
showing  the  location  of  each  member’s  seat,  which  Uncle 
Hank  was  busily  studying  in  an  endeavor  to  locate  the 
more  prominent  members.  Senator  Matthew  Stanley  Quay, 
who  had  been  one  of  the  first  to  reach  his  seat,  sat  stoop- 
shouldered, with  his  hands  in  his  lap,  looking  disconsolately 
toward  the  “chair,”  apparently  taking  not  the  slightest 

46 


CONGRESSMAN  JACOB  RUPPERT  of  New  York,  would  resent  the  Imputation  of  being  “fast”— yet 
he  Is  frequently  seen  in  the  streets  of  Washington  In  an  automobile  that  Is  anything  but  slow. 

47 


AROUND  THE  CAPITAL. 


t M .C 


interest  in  the  proceedings.  A few  seats  to  the  riglit  sat 
Senator  Chauncey  M.  Depew  opening  his  mail,  stopping 
frequently  to  nod  and  speak  to  members  who  chanced  to 
pass  liis  desk,  and  always  with  a smile — Senator  Depew  is 
urbanity  personified. 

A stout  gentleman  enters  limping,  and  leaning  on  a 
stout  cane,  and  making  his  way  to  his  seat  a little  in  the 
rear,  is  at  once  surrounded  by  a bevy  of  Senators.  This 
is  Senator  Mark  Hanna,  who  has  never  been  known  to  sit 
five  minutes  alone.  He  is  apparently  the  busiest  man  in 
the  Senate. 

Senator  Frye,  the  President  pro  tern,  of  the  Senate,  has 
taken  advantage  of  an  opportunity  afforded  by  the  delivery 
of  a long,  dry  speech  by  one  of  the  Senators,  to  vacate  his 
chair,  and  placing  his  gavel  in  charge  of  Senator  John 
Kean,  is  hobnobbing  with  the  different  members  over  their 
desks.  He  is  evidently  on  very  familiar  terms  with  Senator 
Allison,  as  they  laugh  and  chat  like  a couple  of  schoolboy 
chums.  Senator  Spooner  is  nearby  with  his  face  deeply 
lined  with  a severe  frown — which  seems  habitual  with  him 
— conversing  in  the  most  earnest  manner  with  Senator 
Beveridge,  the  youthful  looking  Senator  from  Indiana. 

“Mr.  President,”  calls  out  Senator  Tillman  in  a high- 
keyed  voice. 

Senator  Frye  instantly  rushes  for  his  chair,  knowing 
well  that  when  Senators  of  the  “pitchfork”  variety  want 
the  floor  it  is  not  safe  to  trust  the  gavel  to  any  but  experi- 
enced hands. 


48 


r 


BENJAMIN  R.  TILLMAN,  of  South  Carolina.  Senator.  Farmer  and  Kn’gbt  of  the  Pitchfork.  ITav'ne: 
but  one  eye.  finds  great  difficuUy  in  seeing  bot'.i  sides  of  a question.  The  above  j-k  th  shows  liini 
in  the  art  of  dcl.vering  one  of  Iii.s  masterpiece.^  of  vituperation,  with  Senators  Stewart  ami  Teller 
as  amused  and  interested  iisteners. 


49 


AROUND  THE  CAPITAL. 


Senator  Tillman  wishes  to  ask  a few  questions  of  the 
gentleman  who  has  the  floor;  will  the  gentleman  yield? 
Certainly;  senatorial  courtesy  could  not  permit  less.  The 
debate  is  on  the  vexatious  Philippine  question,  and  the 
South  Carolina  Senator  has  challenged  a statement  made 
by  the  honorable  gentleman  from  Dakota.  This  brings  a 
retort  from  Senator  Beveridge,  who  has  been  to  the  Phil- 
ippine Islands,  and  considers  himself  an  authority  on  all 
matters  affecting  the  Filipinos.  Soon  the  Senate  is  in  an 
uproar  and  the  sharp,  shrill  voice  of  the  South  Carolinian  is 
heard  declaring  that  “if  the  gentleman  from  Indiana  would 
only  not  jump  around  like  a grasshopper  we  could  tell 
where  to  find  him  !” 

This  brings  a laugh  from  the  people  in  the  galleries,  who, 
having  come  to  be  amused,  are  very  grateful  to  Senator  Till- 
man for  having  afforded  them  such  an  excellent  opportunity 
for  merriment. 

At  this  juncture  in  stalks  Senator  Thomas  C.  Platt, 
grown  very  sedate  and  quite  stoopshouldered,  with  never  a 
smile  on  his  deeply  lined  face.  He  proceeds  at  once  to  his 
desk,  where  he  is  soon  busied  with  his  mail.  Presently  a 
page  approaches  and  hands  him  a card,  which  the  Senator 
glances  at  and,  quietly  laying  down,  continues  the  exami- 
nation of  his  letters. 

A tall,  dignified  looking  old  gentleman  with  bald  head 
and  long,  flowing  white  beard — (a  typical  “Father  Time” 
or  Santa  Claus) — enters  from  one  of  the  cloak  rooms  and, 
standing  stock  still  in  the  aisle,  looks  over  the  chamber — as  a 

60 


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o,a.>n''ournm,!^'>''<''‘''''''''''''^^^^ 


•u/fl‘>» 


Mf?$.M.A.rta.nn  8-.  mm<>.  < a.  n,L<,n  . f?ep.  O.K  .RBelmcnt.  Mn^.  5 1>|,„  op  h 


Wi 

m 

Pm 

mm 

'’•  ^ 'll ' 

iw 

A FAMILIAR  SCENE  IN  THE  SENATE  OALLERY. 

51 


AROUND  THE  CAPITAL. 


country  schoolmaster  would  look  over  his  country  school- 
room when  he  first  came  in  in  the  morning,  to  see  whedier 
his  scholars  had  all  arrived  and  were  properly  in  their  seats. 
This  is  the  venerable  Senator  Stewart,  the  silver  Senator 
from  Nevada. 

‘T  can’t  understand  et,  Harry !”  whispered  Uncle  Hank  to 
his  nephew. 

“Can’t  undersand  what?” 

“Why,  they  say  thet  seat  daown  thar  cost  th’  Senitcr 
twenty-five  thousand  dollars,  an’  I'll  vow  ye  kin  git  a better 
one  in  Bostin  fer  ten  dollars,”  and  the  old  man  nudged 
Harry  with  his  elbow  to  emphasize  his  little  joke. 

“You  must  remember  that  this  is  called  the  ‘Millionaires 
Club.’  They’ve  made  the  seats  expensive,  and  it  is  said 
that  it  is  easier  for  the  proverbial  camel  to  go  through  the 
eye  of  a needle  than  it  is  for  a poor  man  to  enter  the  Sen- 
ate nowadays.” 

“Wall,  them  Southern  Senitors  don’t  look  like  millyun- 
airs !”  exclaimed  the  old  man.  ^ 

“No,  the  Southern  members  are,  as  a rule,  men  in  very 
moderate  circumstances.  Morgan,  Pettus,  Blackburn, 
Pritchard,  Tillman,  Barry,  Simmons  and  Carmack  would 
hardly  be  termed  wealthy  men,  but  what  they  lack  in  wealth 
they  make  up  in  aggressiveness ” 

“Tillman,  fer  instance!”  ejaculated  Uncle  Hank,  remem- 
bering the  passage  at  arms  on  the  Senate  floor  a short  time 
previous,  in  which  the  South  Carolinian  had  figured  quite 
prominently. 

52 


SENATOR  W’M.  A.  CLARK,  of  Butte,  Montana,  a town  noted  chiefly  for  having  produced 
the  greatest  genius  of  the  day — Mary  MarLano,  the  author  of  “I  am  it.”  The  Sena- 
tor is  also  a great  author:  his  works  consisting  principally  of  small  rectangular  slips 
printed  on  one  side  and  signed  in  autograrh  by  the  author.  These  writings  are  con- 
sidered by  their  possessors,  the  most  valuable  ever  issued  from  the  Senate  Chamber. 

53 


AROUND  THE  CAPITAL. 


“Who’s  thet  smart  lookin’  chap  thet’s  jest  takin’  his  seat 
thar?”  he  inquired  of  Harry,  at  the  sam.e  time  pointing  his 
finger  towards  a neat,  dapper  little  man  in  a closely  buttoned 
frock  coat. 

“That  is  Senator  Clark,  the  multi-millionaire  copper 
king  of  Montana.  He  is  said  to  have  the  largest  income 
of  any  man  in  the  Senate.” 

“All  them  copper  kings  make  money,  Harry.  Ther’s 
Devery  in  Noo  York;  when  he  waz  king  ov  th’  ‘coppers’  he 
waz  reported  tew  hev  made  lots  ov  money.  Naow  thar’s  a 
fine-lookin’  Senitor !”  he  continued,  designating  an  exceed- 
ingly well-built'  man,  broad  shouldered  and  straight  as  an 
Indian,  with  clear-cut  features. 

“That’s  Senator  Bailey,  the  young  Texan,  who,  if  he 
could  control  his  temper,  would  make  his  mark  in  the 
Senate  some  of  these  days,”  replied  Harry,  in  the  easy  going 
vernacular  of  the  newspaper  man. 

The  young  Texan  Senator  is  one  of  the  few  men  in  the 
Senate  who  are  personally  popular  with  the  correspondents. 
He  is  frequently  seen  in  the  corridors  of  the  Capitol  telling 
some  funny  story  or  imparting  some  choice  bit  of  news  to 
the  eager  correspondent  of  some  out-of-town  paper.  In 
debate  he  is  the  match  of  any  man  in  Congress.  On  one 
occasion,  in  championing  the  rights  of  the  State  of  South 
Carolina,  he  was  interrupted  by  Senator  Hoar  with  a few 
legal  questions.  Suavely  he  replied : 

“Of  course  when  the  venerable  Senator  from  Massa- 
chusetts asks  about  the  law,  the  question  answers  itself. 

54 


AROUND  THE  CAPITAL. 


The  venerable  Senator  from  Massachusetts  is  so  dis- 
tinguished a lawyer  that  even  if  I thought  him  wrong  I 
should  hesitate  to  say  so.” 

The  Senator  from  Massachusetts  flushed  until  his  white 
hair  looked  much  whiter  by  contrast. 

Then  Senator  Foraker  tried  to  measure  wits  with  the 
youthful  Texan. 

“That  may  be  the  law  in  Texas,”  he  said,  “but  it  is  not 
in  any  other  State  I ever  heard  of.” 

“There  is  a great  deal  of  law  the  Senator  from  Ohio  has 
not  heard  of,”  retorted  Senator  Bailey  in  the  blandest  tone 
imaginable. 

But  the  Ohioan  was  rash.  He  came  back  again : 

“Undoubtedly,  and  especially  in  Texas,  from  what  the 
Senator  has  said.” 

The  Texan  played  with  him. 

“I  had  the  misfortune  once  to  try  a case  in  Ohio,  and  I 
learned  some  remarkable  law  there,”  said  he. 

“I  have  no  doubt  you  learned  something  before  you  got 
through  with  it,”  retorted  Foraker,  with  some  heat. 

The  Republicans  laughed. 

“Yes,”  replied  Bailey,  in  his  pecifliar  drawl,  “if  there  is 
so  much  to  be  learned  there  T commend  the  Senator  from 
Ohio  to  stay  there  as  much  as  his  Senator’al  duties  will 
allow.” 

And  the  Senator  from  Ohio  took  his  seat  amid  the 
laughter  that  followed. 

As  Uncle  Hank  became  better  acquainted  with  the  Sen- 

55 


MX.OLmrtD.M.C 

Pins. 


AROUND  THE  CAPITAL. 


ators  he  became  more  interested  in  their  speeches  and,  as 
was  usual  with  him,  his  comments  often  took  a humorous 
turn.  A Senator  from  the  West  in  the  course  of  his  speech 
orated:  “No  man  can  say  this  hand  ever  took  any  money,” 
and  holding  his  right  hand  aloft,  looked  proudly  over  the 
Chamber. 

“Haow  abaout  th’  left  hand?”  inquiringly  asked  the  old 
man  of  his  nephew,  with  a wink. 

“Uncle,  it  is  a wise  provision  of  nature  that  provides  pol- 
iticians with  two  hands,”  responded  Harry. 

Rap!  rap!  rap!  went  the  presiding  officer’s  gavel.  The 
Senator  who  had  been  addressing  the  Senate  stopped  in 
the  midst  of  his  peroration. 

“A  message  from  the  President  of  the  United  States !”  ex- 
claimed a tall,  dignified  official  in  dramatic  tones,  holding 
aloft  a monster  envelope  bearing  a huge  red  seal  which  was 
promptly  passed  up  to  the  clerk  of  the  Senate. 

There  is  no  question  about  the  Senate  being  a very  digni- 
fied body.  Every  Senator  looks  as  though  he  was  sus- 
taining a very  great  lead,  and  as  a result  the  majority  of 
them  are  exceedinglv  round-shouldered.  Whether  this  is 
due  to  the  strain  of  bearing  weighty  legislative  problems 
or  the  effect  of  carrving  obstreperous  legislatures  is  hard 
to  surmise.  Harrv  told  his  uncle  that  he  thought  it  was  due 
to  the  constant  “Alphonse  and  Gaston”  genuflections  of 
courtesv  that  prevailed  in  this  august  body.  Once  in  a 
while,  however,  “senatorial  courtesy”  gets  a rude  shock, 

50 


SENATOR  WILLIAM  PIERCE  FRYE  of  Maine,  President  Pro-Tern,  of  the  Senate,  is  no  small- 
fry  statesman.  He  is  busily  engaged  in  studying  new  rules  for  the  Senate,  which  wero 
invented  by  one,  Marquis  of  Queensberry. 

57 


AROUND  THE  CAPITAL. 


M.C. 


as  it  did  a short  time  ago  when  Senator  Tillman  handed 
Senator  McLaurin  a neat  right  hand  swing  on  the  jaw, 
which  that  gentleman  countered  with  a short  arm  jolt  on 
the  proboscis  of  his  adversary  according  to  the  most  ap- 
proved rules  of  the  Marc[uis  of  Queensberry — a very  foolish 
proceeding  in  itself,  as  there  had  been  no- provision  made 
for  “gate  money.”  Such  a contest,  had  it  been  properly 
advertised,  would  have  filled  the  galleries  at  twenty  dollars 
a head,  and  the  moving  picture  privilege  could  have  been 
sold  for  thousands  of  dollars. 

The  word  DIGNITY  is  a very  portentous  word  in  the 
Senate  wing  of  the  Capitol.  It  permeates  every  action  and 
every  sentiment  of  every  Senator.  Woe  unto  him  who 
would  cause  any  infraction  of  the  Senate’s  dignity — his 
punishment  is  sure  to  be  swift  and  severe. 

No  writing  or  sketching  can  be  done  in  the  galleries — not 
even  an  entry  in  a diary,  without  calling  down  the  wrath  of 
the  officers  in  charge ; and  to  be  caugbt  taking  a snap  shot 
with  a camera  is  a little  short  of  a capital  crime.  Amateur 
photographers  with  cameras  concealed  about  their  persons 
are  looked  upon  in  the  same  light  as  anarchists  with  bombs 
and  similar  malefactors. 

In  the  House  it  is  not  unusual  to  hear  a burst  of  ap- 
plause at  some  telling  point  in  debate,  but  in  the  Senate — 
never.  Senators  are  far  too  dignified  to  allow  such  ebulli- 
tions of  feeling  to  disturb  their  deliberations.  “Laugh  and 
grow  fat”  is  an  aphorism  that  has  no  place  in  Senatorial 

58 


SENATOR  JOSEPH  W.  BAILEY  of  Texas,  the  strong  man  of  the  Sonth.  A fine  oratnT  Of  the 
Roman  school— also  wrestler  of  the  Greco-Rcman  school.  In  his  flights  ol  oratory  is 
most  expert  in  the  use  of  the  hands  as  an  aid  to  oratorical  effect.  Has  a strong  aversion 
to  “Beverages”  of  all  sorts. 


59 


AROUND  THE  CAPITAL. 


economy.  There  are  very  few  fat  Senators  in  consequence. 
Julius  Caesar  knew  his  business  when  he  exclaimed ; 

“Let  me  have  men  about  me  who  are  fat!” 

Uncle  Hank  now  concluded  that  he  had  spent  as  much 
time  as  he  cared  to  in  the  gallery,  and,  as  his  nephew  had 
promised  to  introduce  him  to  some  of  the  more  important 
Senators,  he  intimated  that  they  had  better  take  their  de- 
parture. To  this  Harry  at  once  assented.  In  passing  along 
the  corridor  the  old  gentleman  noticed  the  different  en- 
trances to  the  galleries. 

' “Harry!”  exclaimed  he,  “I  notice  thar’s  th’  Executive, 
Diplarmatic  Members’,  an’  Gentlemen’s  Galleries,  but  I 
don’t  see  no  People’s  Gallery.” 

“You’re  mistaken.  Uncle,”  replied  his  nephew,  “the  Peo- 
ple have  the  finest  and  most  exclusive  gallery.  It  is 
called  the  Press  Gallery — where  the  Argus-eyed  repre- 
sentatives of  the  people’s  watchdogs — the  newspapers — 
are  installed  and  zealously  note  and  report  every  proceed- 
ing to  their  masters — the  People.” 

“An’  ef  th’  Senitors  don’t  behave  themselves?” 

“It  costs  them  twice  as  much  to  get  re-elected,”  replied 
Harry  with  a laugh. 


60 


AROUND  THE  CAPITAL. 


CHAPTER  VI. 

AN  INTERVIEW. 

CHE  corridors  surrounding  the  Senate  Chamber  are 
always  thronged  with  visitors  who  are  ever  on  the 
alert  to  discover  some  celebrity — some  prominent 
man  whom  they  have  frequently  seen  pictured  in 
the  magazines  and  newspapers. 

The  vestibules  are  well  worth  the  attention  they  attract, 
being  very  elaborately  decorated.  Entering  from  the  east- 
ern portico  through  the  Senate  bronze  doors,  designed  by 
Thomas  Crawford,  the  famous  sculptor,  you  find  yourself 
at  the  Senate  reception  room,  an  apartment  about  sixty 
feet  long,  but  divided  by  an  arch,  where  Senators  receive 
visitors  upon  business.  It  is  gaudily  decorated.  The  floor 
: is  of  Minton  tiles,  and  the  walls  are  covered  with  rococo 
designs  in  stucco,  in  high  relief  and  heavily  gilded.  The 
panels  are  embellished  with  allegorical  paintings  by  the 
“wonderful’'  Brumidi — although  the  less  said  about  them 
the  better. 

In  the  Senate  lobby,  entering  from  the  reception-room, 

I the  first  door  at  the  right  opens  into  the  Vice-President’s 
room,  where  Henry  Wilson  died  in  1875 

The  next  door  admits  to  the  Marble  Room,  so  called  be- 


AROUND  THE  CAPITAL. 


'd/ypit^ 


Jlo.  no. 


cause  every  part  of  its  interior  is  formed  of  variegated  and 
sculptured  marbles.  Here  the  noble  Senators  hold  con- 
sultations at  ease,  or  receive  their  more  privileged  guests. 
Luxurious  sofas,  soft  chairs,  warm  rugs  and  lace  curtains 
abound,  and  at  night  the  room  is  fairly  aglow  with  blazing 
lights. 

It  was  in  this  room  that  Lhicle  Hank  and  his  nephew 
found  themselves  after  their  cards  had  been  taken  to  Sen- 
ator Mark  Hanna,  and  word  was  returned  by  the  page  that 
the  Senator  would  see  them  in  the  reception-room.  They 
had  hardly  been  seated  when  the  familiar,  rotund  form  of 
the  Senator  from  Ohio  appeared.  Harry  was  on  particu- 
larly intimate  terms  with  Mr.  Hanna,  having,  in  his  capac- 
ity of  newspaper  correspondent,  rendered  signal  service 
to  the  Campaign  Committee  in  the  last  campaign.  In  in- 
troducing his  uncle  to  the  Senator  the  old  man  also  made 
use  of  a letter  of  introduction  from  an  intimate  friend. 
This  served  to  put  him  on  familiar  terms  with  the  good- 
natured  magnate  from  Ohio. 

As  he  settled  back  in  the  large  cushioned  chair  the  urbane 
Senator  looked  the  personification  of  Senatorial  ease  and 
contentment,  and  it  could  readily  be  perceived  that  he 
fitted  his  surroundings,  or,  rather,  that  his  surroundings 
fitted  him,  for  his  ample  body  completely  filled  the  com- 
modious chair. 

‘T  see  by  your  letter  of  introduction,  IMr.  Slocum,  that 
you  are  known  to  your  friends  as  ‘Uncle  Hank’ — any  rela- 
tion to  Uncle  Sam?”  incjuired  the  Senator  with  a twinkle 

63 


r 


AROUND  THE  CAPITAL. 


PA, 


of  the  eye  that  betokened  a nature  keenly  alive  to  the 
humorous  side  of  life. 

“Yas,  I’m  a great-grandson  ov  a god-father  ov  his’n,” 
replied  Uncle  Hank  without  a sign  of  merriment. 

“Why,  I never  heard  that  he  had  such  a relation  before,” 
remarked  the  Senator  in  a somewhat  mystified  manner. 

“Wall,  ye  see,”  related  the  old  man  in  a dry,  matter-of- 
fact  tone,  “my  great-grandfather  waz  one  ov  th’  signers 
ov  th’  Declarashun  ov  Inderpendence,  an’  ez  Uncle  Sam 
waz  only  a baby  then,  we  "daown-easters  alius  considered 
them  signers  th’  true  god-fathers  et  th’  christenin’  thet  took 
place  shortly  after.” 

“Quite  good,”  laughingly  rejoined  the  Senator,  “and 
very  wed  entitled,  I should  say  they  were,  to  the  honor. 
Your  Uncle  Samuel  has  growr  to  be  ciuite  a good-sized  chap 
since  those  days.” 

“He’s  grower!  a heap  sence  them  days,  in  fact  he’s  kicked 
aout  th’  footboard  ov  his  cradle  ov  liberty  an’  landed  one 
foot  clean  acrost  th’  Pacific  Ocean  tew  them  Phillypene 
Islands,”  retorted  the  old  man  with  a chuckle. 

“Well,  do  you  approve  of  the  operation?”  slyly  inquired 
the  Senator  with  the  view  of  ascertaining  his  visitor’s  sen- 
timents. 

“Wall,  et’s  all  right  ef  he  don’t  git  a cramp  in  his  leg 
frum  stretchin’  so  fer.” 

“Which  your  Massachusetts  Senator  thinks  quite  likely.” 

“Yas,  some  folks  thinks  thet  ef  ye  dump  yaller  mud  intew 


C4 


SENATOR  GEORGE  FRISBIE  HOAR  of  Massachusetts,  a kindly  and 
venerable  statesman  who  is  so  deeply  immersed  in  the  ethics 
of  ideal  statecraft  tint  he  is  totally  unconscious  of  the  chicaneries 
of  his  fellow  Senators.  A profound  studcuit  of  early  American 
history— deems  George  Washington  to  hav«  been  in  some  respects 
as  great  a man  as  Agulnaldo. 

Go 


AROUND  THE  CAPITAL. 


Mo. 


til’  spring  th’  water’s  apt  tew  git  riley,”  retorted  Uncle 
Hank  with  a grin. 

The  Senator  soon  perceived  that  he  could  make  no  im- 
pression on  the  old  man  on  this  line,  so  he  turned  the  con- 
versation in  another  direction. 

"Have  you  been  to  see  the  President  yet?”  he  inquired 
in  his  blandest  tone. 

“Not  yit.  Ye  see  th’  Preserdint  hez  bin  receivin’  th’ 
new  ambassydor  frum  England,  an’  gittin’  on  sech  friendly 
terms  with  them  British,  thet  I waz  afeard  thet  p’raps  old- 
line  citizens  whose  ancestors  fit  en  ther  Revolooshun 
mightn't  be  welcome.” 

“Oh,  don’t  let  a little  thing  like  that  bother  you.  Why,  if 
George  Washington  were  living  to-day  he  would  most 
probably  cross  the  Atlantic  with  Benjamin  Fran'klin,  Robert 
Morris  and  a few  others  and,  after  attending  a court  func- 
tion at  Windsor  Castle,  would  organize  a Trust  or  two  in  the 
bight  little  isle'  before  returning  home,”  and  the  Senator 
laughed  quite  heartily  at  the  picture  he  evolved. 

“Ef  thet’s  th’  view  ye  take  ov  George  Washin’ton,  then 
I disagree  with  ye,  Senitor.  I ’rote  a song  abaout  what  I 
thot  th'  father  ov  h's  country  would  do  ef  he  waz  livin’ 
tew-day.  Ef  ye  don’t  mind  Ell  read  et  tew  ye,”  slowly 
drawled  the  old  man  with  a twinkle  in  his  eye. 

“Go  ahead.  Uncle,”  quickly  replied  the  Senator.  “I  am 
very  fond  of  verse — of  the  homely  sort.” 

With  this  encouragement  the  old  man  produced  his 
manuscript  and  commenced  to  read : 

66 


SEXATOR  PHELRT  M.  rTTL»'/)M.  of  Illinois.  Reforo  liis  hair  anrl  h<'ard  turned  cray  he  hore  a striklnp:  reseniMance 
to  Abraham  Lincoln.  Seems  lo  have  a mortKa^c  on  hi:'  'oat  in  flic  Senate,  bein};  very  popular  ai  lioiue. 

07 


JhL. 


AROUND 

EF  GEORGE  WASHIN’TON  WAZ  LIVIN’. 

Ef  George  IVashin  ton  zc'ar  livin’  teiu-day 
An’  he  sazu  them  politicians 
Ov  all  parties  an  conditions  . 

Makin’  barter  ov  positions — 

Naow  zvhat  dczv  yczv  s’ pose  he’d  say? 

Ef  George  Washin’ton  zvas  livin’  tezv-day 
An’  he  sazv  them  millynn-aires 
Struttin’  a-ronnd  zvith  lofty  airs 
Buyin’  up  them  Senate  chairs — 

Naozv  zvhat  dczv  yczv  s’  pose  he’d  say? 

Ef  George  Washin’ton  zva:;  livin’  tezv-day 
An  shud  see  a monster  Trust 
All  th’  little  merchants  bust 
To  poor  Uncle  Sam’s  disgust — 

Naozv  zvhat  dczv  yczv  s’ pose  he’d  say? 

Ef  George  Washin’ton  zi’av  livin’  tezv-day 
He’d  read  th’  Dcc-lara-shun 
Oz'  In-dcr-pcn-dcncc  tezv  th’  nation 
Without  any  hes-i-ta-shun — 

An’  I reckon  he’d  hcv  som’thin’  tezv  say. 

“That’s  a very  clever  poem,  but  it's  only  fancy.  You 
must  remember  that  Washington  was  an  aristocrat  in  his 
day — a very  wealthy  man ; and  if  living  to-day  would  most 

68 


I 

A 


AROUND  THE  CAPITAL. 

probably  be  identified  with  many  of  the  big  corporations 
known  as  Trusts.” 

“Senitor,”  replied  Uncle  Hank,  holding  up  his  finger  to 
emphasize  his  remarks,  “th’  man  who  jeopardized  his  large 
estates  ez  well  ez  his  neck  fer  a cause  thet  looked  ez  forlorn 
ez  a sinkin’  ship  et  sea  en  a storm,  waz  not  th’  sort  o’  man 
thet  greedy,  monopolizin’  Trust  magnates  ez  made  ov.” 
“The  spirit  of  ’76  is  still  alive,”  replied  the  Senator,  smil- 
ing at  the  old  man’s  earnestness. 

“I  see  ye’ve  won  yer  fight  on  th’  Pannyma  Canal,”  ob- 
served the  old  man. 

“Yes,  and  now  we’ll  dig  that  vexatious  ‘ditch.’  ” 

“Wall,  ef  ye  don’t,”  retorted  the  old  man  quietly,  “Uncle 
Sam’s  likely  tew  land  ye  en  th’  ditch.” 

But  the  Senator  was  not  easily  ruffled,  in  fact,  he  was 
keenly  studying  the  shrewd  old  Yankee  and  put  questions 
to  him  mainly  for  the  purpose  of  drawing  him  out. 

“When  you  get  back  to  Massachusetts,  Uncle,  you  might 
tell  some  of  those  ardent  Filipino  sympathizers  that  Ad- 
miral Dewey  doesn’t  think  much  of  their  hero,  Aguinaldo,” 
said  he  in  a tone  that  savored  slightly  of  sarcasm. 

“Wall,  Dewey  hez  made  mistakes  before,”  retorted  Uncle 
Hank  doggedly. 

“But  he  made  no  mistakes  at  Manila,”  snapped  the  Sen- 
ator. 

I After  a slight  pause  occasioned  by  the  receipt  of  a card 
I by  the  Senator  from  another  visitor,  Uncle  Hank  resumed : 
“I  see  th’  Demycrats  air  tryin’  tew  git  together  fer  next 

09 


tifts  JOHN  ItAl 


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Wife  Of  MIN isTtR 

of- 

AHOEntinE  R.EP. 


AROUND  THE  CAPITAL. 

’lection,  but  Bryan  refooses  tew  shake  Cleveland’s  hand  an’ 
make  up,”  observed  Uncle  Hank. 

“Bryan  is  like  the  Irishman’s  snake,”  replied  the  Senator 
“It  is  said  that  a snake’s  tail  will  wiggle  hours  after  it  is 
killed.  Well,  an  Irishman  walking  along  a country  road 
found  a dead  snake  by  the  roadside,  and  on  touching  it  with 
his  stick  the  tail  wiggled  as  if  alive.  Says  the  Irishman, 
'.Sure  it's  dead,  h’lt  doesn’t  know  it !’  ” The  Senator  was  so 
pleased  wi'h  the  point  he  had  made  that  when  he  arose  to  say 
good-bye  to  the  old  man  his  face  was  wreathed  in  smiles. 


1 


70 


AROUND  THE  CAPITAL. 


CHAPTER  VTI. 

A BIT  OF  THE  CAPITOL. 

CHE  majestic  Capitol  Building  is  a never  ending 
source  of  delight  to  thousands  of  tourists  who 
annually  visit  Washington.  Superbly  placed  on 
a commanding  eminence  it  is  easily  the  gem  of 
the  Capital’s  many  architectural  jewels. 

The  corner-stone  was  laid  on  September  i8,  1793,  by 
General  George  Washington,  who  was  the  Past  Grand 
Master  of  Alexandria  Lodge  of  Free  Masons. 

The  building  was  completed  in  1827.  It  was  partly 
burned  by  tbe  British  when  they  invaded  the  city  in  1814. 
On  July  4,  1851,  President  Millard  Fillmore  laid  the  corner- 
stone of  the  new  wings  of  the  Capitol.  Daniel  Webster 
delivered  the  oration  on  this  occasion.  The  first  building 
was  constructed  of  Virginia  brownstone  which  was  painted 
white.  The  later  additions  to  the  Capitol  were  built  of 
Massachusetts  granite.  The  difference  is  quite  perceptible. 

The  Capitol  Building  measures  seven  hundred  and  fifty- 
one  feet  in  length  and  three  hundred  and  fifty  feet  in 
width  and  covers  nearly  four  acres  of  ground. 

The  massive  dome  is  three  hundred  and  seven  and  a half 
feet  in  height  and  was  completed  in  1865.  It  is  made  of 

71 


AROUND  THE  CAPITAL. 


iron  plates  so  arranged  that  they  slide  smoothly  one  upon 
the  other  with  the  contraction  and  expansion  due  to  the 
varying  temperatures,  folding  and  unfolding  like  a gigantic 
coat  of  mail.  The  weight  of  this  enormous  mass  of  iron  is 
eight  millioil  nine  hundred  and  nine  thousand  and  two 
hundred  pounds,  exclusive  of  the  statue  of  armed  Liberty, 
designed  by  Thomas  Crawford,  by  which  it  is  surmounted. 
This  statue  is  nineteen  feet  six  inches  in  height  and  weighs 
fourteen  thousand  nine  hundred  and  eighty-five  pounds, 
and  was  set  in  place  in  1863. 

From  the  central  portico  of  the  east  front  of  the  Capitol 
the  President  of  the  United  States  delivers  his  inaugural 
address,  after  having  taken  the  oath  of  office  administered 
by  the  Chief  Justice  of  the  Supreme  Court. 

It  was  on  one  of  those  bright  mornings  for  which  Wash- 
ington is  justly  famous,  that  Uncle  Hank  stood  on  this 
portico,  silently  contemplating  the  beautiful  scene  beyond, 
his  thoughtful  features  radiant  with  good  nature.  Sud- 
denly he  broke  out  with  a low  chuckle  of  merriment. 

“Thar’s  whar  Gineral  Coxey’s  army  marched  up  tew  th’ 
Capitol,  an’  waz  told  tew  ‘keep  off  th’  grass’  by  th’  perlice, 
so  Harry  sez.  An’  over  thar  ez  thet  statoo  ov  George 
Washin’ton  in  summer  dress  holdin’  up  his  han’  tew  ketch 
th’  ball  Columbus  ez  goin’  tew  throw  tew  him.  I don’t 
know  ez  thet  ez  what  th’  sculpter  intended,  but  thet’s  th’ 
way  et  looks  tew  me.” 

At  this  moment  a Capitol  guide  approached  leading  a 
crowd  of  tourists  and  in  a loud  and  sonorous  voice  de- 

n 


“THAR’S  WUAR  GINERAL  COXEY’S  ARMY  STOOD  WHEN  TH‘  PERLICE  TOLD  ’EM  TEW 
‘KEEP  OFF  TIP  GRASS!’  ’* 


7a 


rrdtiF~’' 


AROUND  THE  CAPITAL, 


scribed  the  Washington  statue,  with  hand  uplifted,  as 
having  been  executed  by  Greenough,  and  Columbus,  with 
the  globe  in  his  hand,  by  Persico.  And  Uncle  Hank,  after 
listening  intently  to  the  florid  description  by  the  guide, 
turned  around  to  the  crowd  and  gave  his  version,  describing 
with  great  minuteness  the  evident  intention  of  the  statues 
to  play  into  each  other's  hands.  This  created  a loud 
laugh  from  the  tourists  to  the  great  disgust  of  their  guide. 

'‘Wouldn’t  you  like  to  join  the  party?”  sarcastically  in- 
c|uired  the  guide  in  an  unguarded  moment,  not  dreaming 
that  such  a know-it-all  countryman  would  give  up  a fee  for 
being  shown  about.  But  he  miscalculated.  Uncle  Hank 
saw  a good  chance  to  have  considerable  fun  at  his  ex- 
pense, and  to  the  astonishment  of  the  guide  produced  the 
fee  and  followed  the  sight-seeing  retinue. 

The  party  now  entered  the  rotunda,  where  the  guide  pro- 
ceeded to  deliver  his  set  description  in  a low  monotone 
devoid  of  any  emphasis  or  inflection.  Said  he,  “Note  the 
magnificent  marble  corridors  and  stairways  of  the  extension 
to  this  beautiful  rotunda,  which  is  ninety-seven  feet  in 
diameter  and  rising  clear  from  floor  to  inner  shell  of  dome, 
one  hundred  and  eighty  feet  above.  These  eight  oil  paint- 
ings” (waving  his  hand  towards  the  panels  surrounding  the 
rotunda)  “have  for  their  subjects  memorable  scenes  in  tbe 
history  of  the  Continent  and  of  the  United  States.  First, 
we  come  to  ‘The  Landing  of  Columbus  on  San  Salvador, 
October  12,  1492,’  by  John  Vanderlyn.  Then  here  is  ‘The 


74 


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M.C. 


C9NNi 


Discovery  of  the  Mississippi  by  De  Soto  in  1541/  by  W. 
H.  Powell.” 

A would-be  wag  in  the  party  wanted  to  know  if  this  was 
the  man  who  invented  soda  crackers.  He  was  promptly 
squelched  by  the  guide,  who  was  of  a very  serious  turn  of 
mind,  and  then  proceeded  with  his  party  to  the  next  pic- 
ture to  which  he  directed  their  attention. 

“This  is  ‘The  Baptism  of  Pocahontas  at  Jamestown,  Vir- 
ginia, 1613,’  by  Chapman.”  Uncle  Hank  wanted  to  know 
if  Chapman  was  the  Baptist  minister  shown  in  the  painting, 
and  intimated  that  a water-color  painting  would  have  better 
suited  a baptismal  scene.  The  non-humorous  guide  took 
no  notice  of  these  remarks,  but  proceeded  to  the  next  scene. 

“This  fine  painting  depicts  ‘The  Embarkation  of  the  Pil- 
grims from  Delft-Haven  in  1620,’  painted  by  R.  W.  Weir. 
We  now  come  to  the  finest  painting  of  the  lot,  Trumbull’s 
‘Declaration  of  Independence  at  Philadelphia,  July  4, 
1776.’  ” 

Uncle  Hank’s  comments  on  the  pictures  attracted  more 
attention  from  the  party  than  did  the  guide’s  prosaic  de- 
scription. 

“Thet  looks  like  a crowd  ov  Washington’s — all  plain- 
faced an’  be-wigged ; them  days  must  hev  bin  fine  fer  bar- 
ber shops,”  remarked  the  old  gentleman  in  a low  tone, 
inaudible  to  the  guide,  but  which  caused  a titter  from  those 
in  his  immediate  vicinity. 

“This  is  ‘The  Surrender  of  Burgoyne,’  ” continued  the 
guide,  “and  this  the  fourth  of  the  Trumbull  series,  ‘The 

76 


SENATOR  WILLIAM  B.  ALLISON  of  Iowa,  a Senator  since  1873.  So  familiar  w.th  the  rules 
that  he  frequently  exhibits  that  contempt  of  them  which  is  usually  the  result  of  familiar- 
ity. Is  very  comfortable  in  his  seat  in  the  Senate  Chamber  and  has  conclude  o 
the  remainder  of  his  life  there,  having  just  been  re-elected  with  the  underslan  mg  a 

he  can  have  the  Job  indefinitely. 


77 


AROUND  THE  CAITTAL. 


Resignation  of  General  Washington.’  These  pictures  are 
very  valuable  from  an  historical  standpoint,  being  the 
result  of  thirty  years  of  preparation  by  the  soldier-artist, 
Colonel  John  Trumbull,  who  was  an  aide-de-camp  of  Gen- 
eral Washington,  and  who  was  familiar  with  all  the  men 
depicted  in  these  priceless  portrayals  of  the  Fathers  of  the 
Republic.” 

The  attention  of  the  party  was  now  directed  to  the  statues 
surrounding  the  rotunda. 

“This  statue  of  Thomas  Jefferson  was  made  by  a French 
sculptor,  David  D’Angers,  and  presented  to  Congress,  who 
first  rejected  and  then  finally  accepted  it.  The  statue  of 
Alexander  Hamilton  is  by  Stone.”  “A  good  name  fer  a 
sculptor,”  interjected  Uncle  Flank,  but  the  guide  ignored 
him,  as  he  continued : “The  next  pedestal  supports  the 

statue  of  Colonel  Baker,  the  Oregon  Senator  and  soldier, 
and  adjoining  is  the  artistic  statue  of  General  U.  S.  Grant, 
presented  by  the  G.  A.  R.  We  now  come  to  the  much  dis- 
cussed statue  by  Vinnie  Ream  Hoxie,  of  Abraham  Lincoln, 
for  which  Congress  paid  fifteen  thousand  dollars  in  1870, 
after  a long  debate,  in  which  Senator  Sumner  made  an 
able  speech  on  ‘Art  as  Applied  to  the  Capitol.’  ” 

The  party  showed  signs  of  tiring  with  the  prosaic 
speeches  of  the  guide,  and  every  wittv  allusion  made  by 
Uncle  Hank  was  greeted  with 'hearty  laughter.  Standing 
before  the  Lincoln  statue,  looking  into  its  thoughtful  face, 
he  produced  a folded  paper  from  an  inside  pocket,  and  as 
the  party  gathered  around  he  proceeded  to  read  a poem 

78 


A CONTRAST  OF  CONGRESSMEN. 

OLIVER  HAZARD  PERRY  BELMONT,  M.  C.,  from  New  York,  is  a wealthy  man  who  re- 
quires four  words  to  express  his  full  name;  but,  it  is  said,  it  requires  double  as  many 
figures  to  indicate  his  fortune.  CHAMP  CLARK,  the  Missouri  Congressman,  is  also  a 
wealthy  man — in  his  mind — inasmuch  as  his  mind  is  a perfect  mine  of  oratorical  wealth. 
His  fir.st  name  is  not  an  abbreviation  for  Champion,  although  iie  is  an  acknowledged 
champion  of  debate  on  the  Democratic  side  of  the  House. 

79 


AROUND  THE  CAPITAL. 


which,  he  explained  to  his  hearers,  was  suggested  by  his 
contemplation  of  the  statue  the  day  before. 

Striking  a dramatic  attitude,  he  read  as  follows : 

Wisdom  kin  never  he  taught — 

Ability  ec  seldom  inherited — 

Knozvledge  ea  rarely  bought, 

’Cepin’  zvhar  experience  merited. 

Th’  times  air  nnjinted,  Oh,  Lord, 

Til  millyunair’s  son’s  a rake ; 

Extravagance  eats  up  th'  hoard 
Thet  took  a hull  life  time  teiv  make. 

Th’  ballot  ex  losin’  et’s  pozver, 

An’  money  ex  rulin’  th’  land; — 

Th’  Trusts  make  Uncle  Sam  coiver — 

He’s  beginnin’  tezv  understand. 

Soon  he’ll  azvake  an’  open  his  eyes 
Some  fine  day  onexpected ; 

Greed  an’  corrupshun’ll  git  a surprise 
When  another  Abe  Linkin’ s elected. 

When  Uncle  Hank  finished  reading  his  poem  he  was 
warmly  congratulated  by  the  party,  foremost  among  whom 
was  the  guide,  who  exclaimed  as  he  grasped  the  old  man’s 
hand,  “There’s  a deal  of  truth  in  your  lines.  I wish  I had 
you  with  me  every  day  to  arouse  the  enthusiasm  of  my 
parties  when  I .show  ’em  statues  of  patriots.” 

80 


STEPHEN  BENTON  ELKINS,  Senator 
from  West  Virginia,  is  an  astute  lawyer 
who  has  studied  Coke  and  Blackstone  so 
assiduously  that  he  has  naturally  drifted 
into  coal  mining.  A broad-gauged 
statesman  who  is  noted  for  his  broad 
smile,  which  extends  from  one  end  of 
the  Senate  Chamber  to  the  other.  Ex- 
Territorial  Attorney  General,  Ex-U.  S. 
District  Attorney,  Ex-Congressman  and 
Ex-Secretary  of  War.— Now  wants 
ann-?x  Cuba. 


81 


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M.C. 


S.DA. 


'‘Wall,  ye  see,  et  jest  comes  natchrel  tew  me  tew  drop 
intew  poetry  when  I run  agin  a statoo  ov  old  Abe,  thet 
great,  long-legged,  awkward,  homely  old  rail-splitter. 

Thet  simple,  sincere  patriot  thet  riz  out  ov  th’  ground  an’ 
towered  above  his  contemperaries  until  his  head  reached  ! 
above  th’  clouds  ov  darkness  thet  enveloped  th’  counery  * 

durin’  aour  civil  strife — I tell  ye  they  can’t  put  old  Abe  on  j 

tew  high  a pedestal  tew  suit  yer  Uncle  Hank.” 

The  party  now  proceeded  to  view  the  attractions  of  Stat- 
uary Hall. 

Passing  through  the  southern  door  and  a circular  vest!-  i 

hide,  they  emerged  into  a semi-circular  hall,  the  group  stood 
in  the  center  of  this  chamber  and  the  guide  resumed  his 
technical  description : 

“This  was  formerly  the  Hall  of  Representatives  of  the 
original  Capitol,”  he  explained.  “The  House  of  Repre- 
sentatives used  this  hall  from  1808  until  1814  and  then 
from  1817  to  1857.  Here  Clay,  Webster,  Adams,  Calhoun, 
Randolph,  Cass,  Corwin,  Wise  and  Wright  won  reputa- 
tion for  statesmanship  and  made  the  walls  echo  with 
eloquence.” 

Then  pointing  to  a star  set  in  the  tiled  floor  he  continued ; 
“There  Ex-President  John  Quincy  Adams,  then  a Repre- 
sentative for  Massachusetts,  was  prostrated  at  his  desk  on 
February  21,  1848,  by  paralysis,  resulting  in  his  death  two 
days  later.” 

“He  died  in  plain  harness — th’  harness  ov  a representa- 
tive,” commented  Uncle  Hank.  “Th’  Commander-in-Chief 

82 


j 


SENATOR  JOHN  PERCIVAL  JONES  and  SENATOR  WILLIAM  MORRIS  SI  EWART,  of 
Nevada,  are  bound  with  a common  bond — a silver  bond.  Senator  Jones  has  lately  found 
a new  solace  in  life — his  declining  years  being  sweetened  by  the  sugar  beet.  Senator 
Stewart,  believing  in  the  old  axiom  that  “Speech  is  Silver/*  and  being  an  ardent 
silverite,  is  a frequent  speaker. 


83 


L 


1 

1 


AROUND  THE  CAPITAL. 

took  his  place  in  th’  ranks  tew  keep  up  th’  fight  fer  his  coun- 
try. Not  a bad  idee  fer  some  ov  aour  ex-Presidents  tew  fol- 
low naowdays.” 

The  guides  about  the  Capitol  have  a sing-song  way  of 
describing  the  interesting  features  to  be  seen,  suggesting 
very  strongly  the  idea  that  they  have  committed  to  memory 
the  long  rigmarole  they  recite  to  their  parties  of  sight- 
seers ; and  this  guide  was  no  exception  to  his  class. 

“In  1864  Congress  invited  each  State,”  he  continued,  “to 
send  marble  or  bronze  statues  of  two  of  her  most  illustrious 
sons  for  permanent  preservation.” 

Then  followed  a detailed  description  of  the  statues  that 
surrounded  the  chamber.  This  afforded  Uncle  Hank  an 
excellent  opportunity  to  ventilate  his  unique  views  of  the 
various  “works  of  art”  as  they  appealed  to  his  matter-of- 
fact  mind. 

“Dan’el  Webster,”  he  exclaimed,  “looks  ez  ef  he’d  slept 
in  his  clothes  a week  afore  he  waz  sculpted.  I hain’t  much 
ov  a jedge  ov  art,  but  et  seems  tew  me  thet  when  a sculpter 
undertakes  tew  sculpt  a figger  he  hed  ought  tew  make  th’ 
clothes  fit.  Naow  them  pants  thet  Dan’el  Webster’s  got 
on,  looks  ez  ef  they  waz  made  fer  a heap  sight  bigger  man. 
An’  thet  figger  ov  Senitor  Kenna  hez  a head  thet  looks  ez 
ef  th’  Senitor  hed  bin  on  a lark  th’  night  afore  he  waz 
sculpted — th’  head  looks  so  swelled  up.” 

“You  don’t  seem  to  be  much  impressed  by  some  of  these 
great  men  who  look  down  upon  you  from  their  pedestals,” 
remarked  the  guide. 

84 


SENATOR  JOHN  C.  SPOONER,  of  Wisconsin,  (he  "Badger  State,*’  Is  never  so  happy  as  when 
badgering  Senator  Tillman  and  his  associates  on  the  Democratic  side  of  the  SenaTe  Cham- 
ber. The  habitual  frown  he  wears  upon  his  classic  features  is  only  "make  believe,"  as 
he  Is  personally  considered  very  good-natured. 


85 


AROUND  THE  CAPITAL. 


“Wall,  et  hain't  th’  great  men  I find  fault  with — et’s  th’ 
counterfeit  represcntashuns  thet  I object  tew — an’  they  air 
counterfeits,  tew.  Naow  thet  statoo  ov  Tom  Benton  looks 
ez  ef  he  waz  jest  abaout  tew  walk  ofif  his  base.  An’  thar’s 
pore  George  Washin’ton  jest  back  ov  him — he  looks  like 
a high  private  in  th’  rear  rank,”  and  Uncle  Hank  pointed 
his  finger  at  the  beautiful  Houdon  statue  of  Washington, 
which,  by  being  badly  placed  among  larger  figures,  lost 
much  of  its  impressive  beauty. 

“Well,  Uncle,  what  do  you  think  of  that  figure  of  Ethan 
Allen?”  inquired  one  of  the  party  from  Vermont,  who  en- 
joyed the  old  man’s  comments  more  than  he  did  the  guide’s 
rendition  of  dry  description. 

“Ethan  Allen’s  all  right,  but — don’t  ye  see  Roger  Sher- 
man an’  old  Jonathan  Trumbull  ez  p’intin’  th’  finger  ov  scorn 
et  him.”  As  he  made  this  observation  his  features  relaxed 
into  a broad  grin  at  the  sight  of  the  two  statues  apparently 
lecturing  one  of  their  fellows. 

“Naow,  right  here.  I’d  like  tew  make  a suggestion  tew 
Uncle  Sam  tew  remove  them  statoos  tew  some  graveyard 
whar  they  belong  an’  turn  this  place  intew  a real  Chamber 
ov  Horrors.” 

“Well,  what  do  you  suggest,  LTncle?”  inquired  the  guide, 
with  some  curiosity  to  know  what  the  old  man  had  to 
propose. 

“Ye  see,  this  moniment  idee  ez  a good  one.  When  a 
man  spends  his  hull  life  doin’  good  fer  his  feller-man,  et’z 
right  an’  proper  tew  put  up  a moniment  tew  him  tew 

86 


THK  IIONORABI^E  MI(  IIAELi  HENRY  HERBERT,  British  Anibassailor  to  Ainoricu,  is  par- 
ticularly well  equipped  tor  his  mission,  having  a bright  American  wife  and  a level  head. 
This  latter  quality  is  said  to  be  largely  due  to  the  fact  that  he  parts  his  hair  in  the  middle. 

87 


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inspire  th’  young  an’  ambishus  tew  do  likewise  an’  git  ther 
reward  fer  virtue,  an’  so  forth.  Wall,  we  hain’t  got  no 
place  whar  we  kin  put  up  statoos  tew  remember  th’ 
national  villains  thet  ought  tew  be  held  up  ez  horrible  ex- 
amples tew  all.  We  should  hev  a great  Chamber  ov  Hor- 
rors containin’  statoos  ov  all  th’  national  scamps  from  Bene- 
dict Arnold  daown  tew  th’  fellers  thet  steal  railroads  an’ 
organize  combines  in  food,  ez  well  ez  th’  corrupt  politicians 
thet  rob  th’  people !”  and  the  old  man  looked  around  into  the 
faces  of  the  surrounding  party  to  see  how  they  liked  his 
suggestion. 

“Your  idea  is  a good  one,”  observed  the  man  from 
Vermont.  “Perhaps  some  of  these  big  scoundrels  that  the 
country  is  infested  with  would  give  up  their  nefarious 
practices  if  they  realized  that  examination  of  their  deeds 
after  death  by  an  unbribable  jury  would  condemn  them 
to  a resting  place  in  a National  Chamber  of  Horrors!” 

“Thar’s  ghosts  in  this  chamber ! Don’t  ye  hear  them 

statoos  speakin’?”  exclaimed  Uncle  Hank,  turning  around 
with  an  inquiring  look  at  the  party. 

“That’s  the  echo,”  explained  the  guide.  “Now,  if  you 
will  step  over  to  the  base  of  that  statue  of  Benton  and 
turn  your  back  to  the  party,  every  word  spoken  can  be 
heard  distinctly,  although  only  uttered  in  a low  voice.” 
And  placing  his  hand  on  Uncle  Hank’s  arm  designated  the 
spot  on  which  he  was  to  stand  to  try  the  experiment. 

“Naow  keep  yer  ears  open  fer  th’  ekko,”  dryly  remarked 


88 


TRYING  THE  ECHO  IN  STATUARY  HALL.  UNCLE  HANK— “WILL  YE  HEV  A HIGH  BALL?” 


«9 


AROUND  THE  CAPITAL. 


the  old  man,  winking  his  eye  as  he  strode  over  to  the 
designated  spot  to  try  the  effect  of  his  voice. 

“Kin  ye  hear  me  over  thar?”  he  exclaimed  as  he  turned 
around  to  note  the  effect.  Affirmative  nods  encouraged 
him  to  proceed.  Then,  dropping  his  voice  to  a stage  whis- 
per, he  inquired,  “Will  ye  hev  a high  ball?’’  A shout  of 
laughter  assured  him  that  the  experiment  was  a decided 
success.  When  he  returned  to  the  party  the  Vermonter 
remarked  that,  but  for  the  fact  that  they  were  all  total 
abstainers,  that  last  c[uestion  would  have  cost  him  dearly. 

“Wall,  temperance  er  no  temperance,  et’s  astonishin’ 
haow  fer  a’  invitashun  tew  hev  a drink  kin  be  heard,’’  dryly 
retorted  the  old  man. 

Some  of  the  party  now  wished  to  ascend  the  dome  and 
Uncle  Hank  concluded  to  accompany  them,  as  he  found  their 
company  congenial  and  they  in  turn  were  highly  appreciative 
of  the  old  man’s  wit. 


90 

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CHAPTER  VIII. 


THE  DOME. 


€LIMBING  to  the  top  of  the  Capitol  dome  is  a most 
elevating  pastime — in  fact,  it  is  three  hundred  and 
seventy-six  times  as  elevating  as  is  standing  on  the 
ground-floor  and  undertak'ing  to  view  its  beauties 
with  the  aid  of  an  opera-glass  and  a rubber  neck. 

It  is  no  small  achievement  to  climb  those  three  hundred 
and  seventy-six  steps  and  many  are  the  incjuiries  for  the 
elevator  from  the  numerous  visitors  who  daily  throng  the 
Capitol.  As  yet  the  only  elevator  available  is  the  one  fa- 
miliarly known  as  “Shank’s  Mare.’’ 

But  the  sight  within  the  great  dome,  with  its  wonderful 
skeleton  of  iron  rising  tier  upon  tier ; its  great  encircling  ribs 
supporting  upwards  of  four  thousand  tons  of  metal,  resem- 
bling a huge  inverted  basket  of  iron,  is  well  worth  the 
exertion. 

“I  never  see  sech  a mass  ov  iron  en  all  my  born  days !’’ 
exclaimed  L’ncle  Hank,  as  he  stopped  about  half  way  up 
to  the  top  to  get  his  breath.  “Thar  must  hev  bin  a Steel 
Trust  en  them  days,  tew.”  And  he  stroked  his  whiskers 
meditatively  as  he  contemplated  the  huge  structure. 

After  resting  awhile  the  party  of  sight-seers,  led  by  Unsle 

91 


k.l'or  Coc  k r<?l  I 

ot-  Mo* 


AROUND  THE  CAPITAL. 


MC. 

PA 


Hank,  continued  to  climb  until  they  reached  the  gallery  at  the 
top  where  their  eyes  were  greeted  with  the  most  exquisite 
panorama  conceivable.  The  beautiful  public  buildings  of  the 
city  were  readily  recognized  notwithstanding  the  great  height 
at  which  the  onlookers  were  placed.  Stretching  away  to  the 
north  could  be  discerned  in  the  distance  Arlington  Heights, 
with  its  multitude  of  monuments  glittering  white  in  the  sun- 
light, while  the  winding  Potomac  river  made  an  effective 
background  for  the  tall,  majestic  Washington  monument,  to 
the  right  of  which  stood  an  imposing  group  of  buildings — 
the  White  House,  the  Treasury  building,  the  Army  and 
Navy  building  and  the  Corcoran  Art  Gallery. 

“Thar’s  Pennsylvanny  Avenoo  leadin’  tew  th’  White 
Haouse !’’  exclaimed  Uncle  Hank,  pointing  his  finger  at  the 
well-known  thoroughfare.  “I’ll  tell  Kernel  Bryan  abaout 
et  th’  next  time  I see  him.” 

“He’s  not  the  only  one  looking  for  an  avenue  to  the  White 
House,”  replied  a member  of  the  party. 

“An’  thet’s  not  th’  only  road  tew  et — Roosevelt  got  thar  by 
way  ov  San  Joo-an  Hill,”  retorted  the  Yankee  farmer. 

After  making  a tour  of  the  gallery,  from  which  they  got 
an  excellent  view  of  the  city,  the  party  turned  its  attention  to 
the  beautiful  Congressional  Library  building,  which  ap- 
peared to  lie  at  their  feet. 

This  naturally  led  to  the  query  as  to  the  reason  for  building 
the  Capitol  with  its  face  to  the  east.  Uncle  Hank  volun- 
teered the  desired  information.  Said  he : 

“Et  waz  a case  ov  ‘Biter  got  bitten,’  Th’  speculators; 

92„ 


"THAR’S  PENNSYLVANNY  AVENOO  LEADIN’  TEW  TH’  WHITE  HOUSE!  I’LL  TELL  KERNEL 
BRYAN  ABAOUT  ET  TH’  NEX’  TIME  I SEE  HIM.” 

93 


AROUND  THE  CAPITAL. 


bought  up  all  th’  land  tew  th'  east  when  they  thought  th’ 
city  waz  goin’  tew  grow  an’  when  th’  builders  ov  tb’  Cap- 
itol faced  th’  buildin’  thet  way  they  jest  rigged  up  a com- 
bine an’  put  th’  prices  ov  real  estate  so  tarnal  high  thet  people 
jest  hed  tew  buy  en  th’  rear  when  they  wanted  tew  build. 
So  it  soon  got  tew  be  th’  fashion  tew  build  in  th’  west,  an’ 
th’  speculators  got  left,  ez  they  usually  dew  when  they  git  so 
all-fired  greedy  an’  overreach  themselves.” 

“Is  it  true.  Uncle,  that  George  Washington  was  interested 
in  one  of  those  land  syndicates?”  inquired  the  Vermonter. 

“Thet’s  what  th’  report  sez,  an’  I reckon  et’s  true,  fer 
George  hed  a repootation  ov  bein'  somewhat  ov  an’  'ristocrat, 
an’  waz  let  in  on  th’  ground  floor  ov  all  th’  good  things 
goin’  them  days,”  replied  Uncle  Hank,  elevating  his  eye- 
brows in  a manner  that  implied  more  than  his  words  ex- 
pressed. 

“Why,  you  don’t  mean  to  say  that  the  Father  of  His  Coun- 
try was  ever  engaged  in  any  dishonest  scheme?”  demanded 
the  man  from  Vermont,  indignant  at  the  idea  of  any  dis- 
honest imputation  being  directed  at  the  Immortal  George. 

“I  didn’t  say  so,”  promptly  responded  Uncle  Hank.  “I 
hain’t  castin’  no  reflections  on  G.  W.,  who  hed  sense  enuf 
tew  see  thar  waz  nothin’  incompatibel  with  bein’  a patriot 
an’ a,  bizness  man  et  th’  same  time.  George  Washin’ton  waz 
no  demagogue.” 

It  was  now  proposed  by  a young  lady  in  the  party  that 
they  visit  the  inside  gallery  to  view  the  Brumidi  frescoes. 
Uncle  Hank  saw  at  a glance  that  she  was  a young  bride,  for 

94 


SENATOR  MARCUS  ALONZO  HANNA,  known  aB  the  American  Warwick,  who  Is  seeking  to 
turn  his  talents  to  his  own  benefit.  A stanch  friend  of  labor — so  It  is  said.  Upon  being 
shown  a list  of  possible  Republican  candidates  for  the  next  Presidency,  and  asked  to 
designate  the  most  likely  choice  of  the  party,  without  hesitation  proceeded  to  mark 
Hanna. 


95 


AROUND  THE  CAPITAL. 


never  once  did  she  release  the  arm  of  the  shy  young  man  who 
was  constantly  at  her  side,  and  true  to  his  jovial  nature  he 
mentally  resolved  to  have  some  fun  at  her  expense.  He  had 
been  told  of  the  wonderful  acoustic  properties  of  this  gallery 
by  his  nephew.  Although  sixty-five  feet  across,  two  per- 
sons standing  on  opposite  sides  may  distinctly  hear  one  an- 
other speaking  in  whispers.  The  old  man  so  arranged  mat- 
ters that  the  young  couple  was  left  on  one  side  of  the  gallery 
while  he  deftly  led  the  rest  of  the  party  to  view  a section  of 
the  fresco  on  the  other.  Enjoining  silence  by  letting  them 
into  the  secret,  they  were  soon  amused  by  distinctly  hearing 
the  endearing  terms  addressed  to  one  another  by  the  unsus- 
pecting pair  opposite. 

“Do  you  still  love  me?”  came  over  in  a tremulous  female 
voice. 

“Can  you  doubt  me?”  in  a deep  baritone. 

“If  I should  fall  over  here  to  the  pavement  below,  what 
would  you  do?” 

“If  you  fell  over  a dozen  times  I’d  follow  you,  dearie,” 
replied  the  man’s  voice  in  the  reckless  manner  usual  to 
those  deep  in  love. 

This  was  too  much  for  LTncle  Hank,  who  exclaimed  in  a 
loud  voice : 

“Thar’s  only  one  way  tew  fall  thet  distance  mor’n  once — 
thet’s  with  th’  aid  ov  a par-a-shoot.” 

This  let  loose  the  suppressed  merriment  under  which  the 
party  was  laboring,  and  the  burst  of  laughter  that  followed 


( — 


90 


J 


SENATOR  W M.  B.  BATE  of  Tennessee.  A warrior  bold  of  long  standing:  having  served 
as  a private  soldier  all  through  the  Mexican  War.  This,  however,  did  not  a-bate  his 
martial  spirit,  for  he  entered  the  Confederate  Army  as  private  and  emerged  as  Major 
General.  Owing  to  throe  dangerous  wounds  he  Is  never  seen  without  hla  cane;  of  which 
the  pages  are  in  no  dread,  as  he  is  very  popular  with  them. 

97 


M-t. 


PA 


0.  ^ ”‘^- 


AROUND  THE  CAPITAL. 

*> 

caused  the  youthful  couple  to  blush  in  the  most  violent 
fashion. 

Uncle  Hank  now  directed  his  attention  to  the  frescoes  on 
the  canopy  above.  Pointing  his  finger  at  the  central  group 
in  the  painting  which  depicts  George  Washington  seated  on 
a rainbow  with  Liberty  on  one  side  and  Peace  on  the  other, 
.surrounded  by  thirteen  more  or  less  beautiful  maidens,  rep- 
resenting the  thirteen  original  States,  he  said : 

“Jest  look  et  th’  angelic  caountenances  ov  them  figgers 
representin’  th’  States — ye  wouldn’t  think  thet  they  could 
hev  hed  sech  a hair  pullin’  match  in  i86i,’’  and  the  old  man 
nudged  the  Vermonter  to  emphasize  his  remark. 

A member  of  the  Capitol  police  force  is  stationed  in  this 
gallery,  presumably  to  prevent  visitors  from  walking  off 
with  the  dome,  piecemeal.  Tourists  in  Washington,  being 
no  different  from  those  in  other  places,  have  a strong  pen- 
chant for  carrying  off  anything  that  is  not  fastened  down. 

This  policeman’s  business  being  to  watch  visitors,  pursued 
his  avocation  with  assiduity,  keeping  his  eye  on  the  Yankee 
farmer  as  if  apprehensive  of  damage  to  the  frescoes  from  the 
bulky  umbrella  which  he  continually  poked  at  the  painting 
while  elucidating  some  vague  meaning  hidden  therein.  But 
the  Yankee  ignored  the  scrutiny,  if  he  noticed  it.  Ap- 
proaching the  officer  he  inquired  in  the  blandest  tone : 

“Ez  thet  Columby  with  th’  sword  in  her  hand  chasin’ 
Filipinos  ?” 

The  policeman  at  first  did  not  see  the  humor  of  the  ques- 
tion and  was  inclined  to  resent  the  fancied  affront  to  his 

98 


J 


SENATOR  MATTHEW  STANLEY  QUAY, 
the  Czar  ot  Pennsylvania,  who  rules  by 
a divine  right  which  has  never  been 
questioned  by  anyone  but  John  Wana- 
maker  ot  Philadelphia.  Is  the  only  man 
in  the  Keystone  State  who  does  not  trade 
at  "War.amakers.”  It  is  rumored,  and 
generally  believed,  that  the  Senator  car- 
ries the  destinies  of  the  State  of  Pennsyl- 
vania concealed  in  his  coat-tail  pocket. 


99 


nifi  RUTH^nASON 
.II6HTE0  Of  <.EN,nA40N 


AROUND  THE  CAPITAL. 

dignity,  but  the  laughter  of  the  crowd  reassured  him  and  he 
joined  in  the  merriment,  and  furthermore,  being  a good- 
natured  sort  of  policeman,  he  volunteered  a lot  of  infor- 
mation respecting  the  allegorical  representations. 

“This  canopy,”  said  he,  “is  sixty-five  feet  in  diameter  and 
was  painted  by  Constantino  Brumidi,  an  Italian  artist,  who 
spent  several  years  in  painting  the  fresco.  It  cost  Uncle 
Sam  fifty  thousand  dollars.  It  is  entitled  ‘The  Apotheosis 
of  Washington.’  ” 

“Ye  say  et  cost  fifty  thousand  dollars?”  inquired  Uncle 
Hank.  “Purty  high !”  ^ 

“Yes — it  is — one  hundred  and  eighty  feet  above  the  ro- 
tunda floor,”  replied  the  officer,  with  a knowing  wink.  He 
had  evened  up  with  the  witt>  Yankee. 

After  inspecting  the  painting  a little  more  in  detail,  the 
party  concluded  to  descend  to  the  rotunda  floor  again  in 
search  of  further  adventure. 


100 


CHAPTER  IX. 

AN  ADVENTURE  IN  THE  SUPREME  COURT. 

CHE  Supreme  Court  of  the  United  States  is  probably 
the  most  dignified  body  in  the  world — at  least  that 
is  the  impression  made  upon  nine  out  of  ten  who 
visit  its  august  abiding  place  in  the  Capitol. 

If  there  is  any  one  place  in  this  Republic  where  a sem- 
blance of  royalty  is  maintained,  it  is  within  the  chamber  de- 
voted to  the  deliberations  of  that  very  eminent  body  of 
jurists. 

To  look  upon  that  row  of  dignified  legal  luminaries  for 
the  first  time  and  not  become  awe-stricken  is  simply  incon- 
ceivable. 

Gowned  in  sombre  robes,  each  and  every  face  wearing  an 
habitual  frown,  never  for  a moment  relaxing  to  a smile ; 
taking  a most  serious  view  of  every  phase  of  life  ; guarding 
with  the  utmost  vigilance  every  prerogative  tending  to  up- 
hold their  dignity;  the  very  air  of  this  Chamber  seems  sur- 
charged with  oppressiveness,  making  one  feel  as  though 
convicted  of  some  very  serious  crime  and  awaiting  .some 
awful  sentence  in  expiation  thereof. 

This  was  the  feeling  that  possessed  Uncle  Hank  the  first 
time  he  stumbled  into  the  Chamber.  Probably  his  experi- 

101 


Wilson. 


AROUND  THE  CAPITAL. 


ence  can  best  be  told  in  his  own  words,  as  he  afterward 
related  it  to  his  nephew. 

“Wall,  ye  see,”  said  he,  “ez  I waz  cornin’  ’long  th’  cor- 
ridor I happened  tew  look  up  an’  then  I see  a sign  over  a 
door  thet  made  me  stand  stock  still.  Crackee ! sez  I,  after 
readin’  th’  enscription — Th’  Soup-reme  Court — so  I jest 
slowly  pushed  open  th’  swingin’  doors  an’  cautiously  peeked 
in,  an’  Great  Hickory ! thar  sot  th’  hull  Soup-reme  Court  ov 
th’  U-nited  Staits  en  ther  gowns,  lookin’  ez  solemn  ez  owls, 
an’  th’  Chamber  waz  empty  with  th’  excepshun  ov  a long, 
lean,  hungry  lookin’  lawyer  who  was  ’leckturin’  ’em  on  some 
p’int  ov  law.  An’  they  looked  ez  ef  they  waz  bein’  ’leck- 
tured,  tew,  fur  they  never  said  a word  back. 

“So  I pushed  my  way  in  ez  quiet  ez  I could,  but  my  tarnal 
boots  creaked  so  thet  th’  lawyer  turned  'raound  tew  see  who 
waz  creatin’  all  th’  disturbance,  an’  this  made  me  more  keer- 
ful  than  ever,  an’  in  my  anxiety  tew  git  tew  a seat  without 
bein’  discovered,  I stumbled  over  a low  step  I didn’t  see,  an’ 
went  ker-sprawlin’  over  th’  floor,  my  umbrelly  flew  out  ov 
my  hand,  my  bag  rolled  under  th’  seat  an’  my  hat  landed  on 
tother  side  ov  th’  rale.  Wall,  I jest  lay  thar  a mmnit,  I waz 
thet  ’fraid  tew  git  up.  Vishuns  ov  sentences  ov  death  an’ 
th’  like  cum  before  me — I waz  clearly  en  contempt  ov  court 
— an’  th’  Soup-reme  Court  et  thet.  Bimeby  I got  up  an’ 
then — th’  look  thet  Soup-reme  Court  giv’  me  I’ll  never  fergit 
till  my  dyin’  day. 

“The  Court  jest  looked  et  me  ez  one  man,  with  one  eye.  en 
thet  one  eye  expressin’  th’  utmost  contempt.  I tell  ye,  et 

102 


JUSTICE  PECKHAM  OVERWHELMS  UNCLE  HANK. 

103 


AROUND  THE  CAPITAL. 


1 


ILL. 


made  me  feel  thet  small  an’  contemptibel  thet  I jest  sot  thar 
an’  meditated  an’  meditated,  thinkin’  haow  thankful  I had 
ought  tew  feel  thet  I wazn’t  hauled  up  before  them  j edges 
an’  git  sentenced  fer  life  fer  contempt  ov  court. 

“After  a bit  my  ixcitement  died  out  an’  I begin  tew  size 
up  th’  jedges.  En  th’  fust  place  I noticed  they  looked  well 
fed — th’  self-satisfied  look  on  th’  faces  ov  several  ov  th’  fat 
ones  waz  good  tew  see;  but  it  looked  like  a sleepy  job,  settin’ 
thar  listenin’  tew  sleepy  lawyers — probably  thet’s  why  they 
alius  wear  them  black  night-gownds. 

“But  thar’s  one  thing,  Harry,  I like  abaout  thet  Soup- 
reme  Court.” 

“What’s  that.  Uncle?”  cried  his  nephew,  who  had  just 
got  over  an  immoderate  fit  of  laughter  at  the  ludicrous  ad- 
venture of  his  uncle. 

“When  they  go  intew  ’Xecutive  Session  they  retire  tew  a 
little  room  an’  don’t  order  everybody  aout  ov  ther  Chamber 
ez  th’  Senit  does,”  replied  the  old  man  as  he  thoughtfully 
stroked  his  white  whiskers. 

“Uncle,  you’ll  find  the  Supreme  Court  a remarkable  body, 
if  you  take  the  trouble  to  investigate,”  remarked  Harry, 
whose  newspaper  training  had  made  him  remarkably  well 
informed  about  the  Capitol. 

“Thar  waz  one  thing  I couldn’t  find,  Harry,”  exclaimed 
the  old  man,  “an’  I looked  high  an’  low  fer  et.” 

“What  was  that.  Uncle?” 

“Thet  bench  I’ve  hearn  tell  so  tarnal  much  abaout ; I 


104 


J 


SENATOR  ALBERT  JEREMIAH  BEVERIDGE,  of  Indiana,  wears  the  toga  wlih  all  the  grace 
of  a Roman  eenator.  Having  personally  visited  the  Philippine  Islands,  he  is  recog- 
nized authority  on  matters  affecting  the  Filipinos.  Has  a fine  war  record,  having  defeated 
the  Texan  Fire  Eater,  Joe  Bailey,  in  a desperate  encounter  without  removing  his  cigar 
from  his  mouth. 


105 


AROUXD  THE  CAPITAL. 


TENN. 


couldn’t  see  et  nowhar,  though  1 looked  all  over  th'  Chamber 
fer  et.” 

“Oh,  you  mean  th  ‘Supreme  Bench!’”  laughed  Harry. 
“That  is  merely  a colloquialism — the  bench  now  in  use  is  a 
row  of  large,  well  cushioned  chairs.  As  I said  before,  the 
Supreme  Court  of  the  United  States  is  invested  with  remark- 
able power.  In  no  other  country  is  there  a Court  that  can 
set  aside  a law  of  the  land.  Congress  may  pass  a law  and 
the  President  may  sign  it,  but  it  is  null  and  void  if  the 
Supreme  Court  holds  that  the  law  is  not  in  accordance  with 
the  Constitution.” 

“Wall,  I never  thought  ov  thet,  Harry ; th'ar  some  pump- 
kins arter  all,  be’ant  they?” 

“Every  litigant,”  continued  Harry,  “no  matter  what  his 
station  in  life  may  be,  has  the  opinion  of  every  one  of  the 
judges  upon  his  case.  After  hearing  the  arguments  each 
judge  studies  it  individually  and  all  discuss  it  together  on 
conference  day.  The  Chief  Justice  assigns  to  his  associates 
the  cases  in  which  they  are  to  write  opinions  and  every  Sat- 
urday night  his  special  messenger  visits  the  residences  of  his 
associate  justices,  delivering  sealed  envelopes  containing  the 
list  of  cases  allotted  to  each.  I merely  relate  this  to  you, 
Lmcle,  to  show  you  that  their  positions  are  far  from 
being  sinecures.” 

“Who’s  th’  small  man  thet  sot  in  th’  middle,  Harry?” 

“That  is  Chief  Justice  Melville  W.  Fuller,  who  was  ap- 
pointed by  President  Cleveland.  He  was  a prominent  mem- 
ber of  the  Chicago  bar,  and,  it  is  said,  gave  up  an  income  of 

106 


» 

j 

a 

t 

t 


SENATOR  JOHN  H.  MITCHELL  of  Oregon 
noted  for  his  luxuriant  whiskers  which 
"Old  Boreas"  never  tires  of  agitating. 
A little  child  in  the  Senate  gallery  one 
day  asked  its  mother  why  the  senator 
d‘d  not  wear  his  whiskers  on  top  of  his 
h*ad.  This  led  to  the  discovery  that  he 
was  quite  bald. 


107 


AROUND  THE  CAPITAL. 


forty  thousand  dollars  a year  to  take  a position  with  a salary 
of  about  one-fourth  that  amount.” 

“But  four  times  th’  honor,  Harry.” 

“The  seat  on  the  right  of  the  Chief  Justice  is  always  occu- 
pied by  the  Associate  Justice  longest  in  service,  that  on  the 
left  by  the  next  in  the  order  of  seniority,  and  so  on  from  right 
to  left;  thus  you  will  always  find  the  last  appointed  judges 
at  the  extreme  ends  of  the  bench — so  called.” 

“IMebbe  thet’s  th’  reason  they  adopted  large  arm-chairs  en 
place  ov  a bench — so  thet  th’  newcomers  couldn’t  git  pushed 
off.  By  the  way,  Harry,  who’s  got  th’  right  hand  seat 
naow  ?” 

“Justice  John  Marshall  Harlan  of  Kentucky  occupies  that 
post  of  honor  now.  He  is  as  fine  a type  of  manhood  as  ever 
the  blue  grass  State  produced.  During  the  Civil  War  he 
took  a fearless  stand  for  the  Union  cause  at  a time  when 
patriotism  counted  for  something  in  a State  that  wavered  in 
its  allegiance.” 

“He  is  wonderfully  eloquent.  His  vehement  protest 
against  the  decision  of  the  Court  in  the  income  tax  cases 
several  years  ago  are  still  fresh  in  the  minds  of  those  who 
were  so  fortunate  as  to  hear  it  delivered.” 

“I’m  beginnin’  tew  git  mighty  interested  en  them  jedges. 
Who  was  that  jedge  on  th’  left  end?” 

“The  judge  you  refer  to  is  Justice  Oliver  Wendell 
Holmes,  who  has  just  been  appointed  to  the  bench  by 
President  Roosevelt  to  succeed  Justice  Gray.  He  is 
noted  as  a perfect  walking  legal  encyclopedia,  a perfect 

108 


.A 


;i.oa 


AROUND  THE  CAPITAL. 


N£6.  M.C 


storehouse  of  legal  information.  But  I am  afraid  I would 
tire  }-ou  if  I undertook  to  relate  all  the  remarkable  features 
of  this  mine  of  legal  intellectuality.” 

“Harry,  ye  can’t  tire  aout  a Yankee  by  givin’  him  informa- 
shun — ye  know  we  Yanks  ez  noted  fer  aour  inquisitiveness. 
Ef  ye’ve  got  any  more  facts  abaout  thet  Soup-reme  Court, 
let’s  hev  ’em.”  And  the  old  man  slapped  Harry  on  the 
back  in  a way  to  express  his  satisfaction. 

“There  is  something  of  a distinguishing  character  to  be 
said  of  every  member  of  the  Court,”  continued  Harry. 
“Justice  Shiras  is  also  a ‘six  footer.’  In  repose  his  face  is 
grave  and  sedate,  but  it  masks  a wit  keen  and  original.  His 
father  was  a cousin  of  James  G.  Blaine.  Justice  Edward  D. 
White  is  a Roman  Catholic,  as  is  also  Justice  Joseph  Mc- 
Kenna. If  you  should  meet  Justice  Brown  at  a dinner  you 
would  wonder  what  his  profession  might  be ; you  would 
certainly  never  discover  it  from  his  conversation,  so  thor- 
oughly does  he  abjure  ‘talk  of  the  shop.’  He  has  the  happy 
faculty  of  throwing  aside  business  when  business  is  done. 
Justice  Brewer,  one  of  the  ablest  men  on  the  bench,  is  a 
nephew  to  those  four  famous  brothers — David  Dudley  Field, 
Cyrus  Field,  Rev.  Henry  M.  Field  and  Justice  Stephen  J. 
Field,  and  at  one  time  a spectacle  was  witnessed  that  had 
never  happened  before — an  uncle  and  nephew  sat  on  the 
bench  of  the  highest  court  in  the  land.” 

“Blood  will  tell,”  thoughtfully  soliloquized  the  old  man. 


110 


k 


AROUND  THE  CAPITAL. 


CHAPTER  X. 


THE  HUMOROUS  SIDE  OF  THE  CAPITOL. 


CHEY  had  just  been  married.  You  could  see  it  in 
their  every  action.  Her  fond,  limpid  eyes  never 
left  his  as  she  affectionately  clung  to  his  arm,  and 
his  tender  gaze  into  her  beautiful  orbs  told  of  an 
unutterable  love  that  could  never  die.  They  had  just  been 
wedded — there  was  no  mistaking  it.  The  merest  tyro  in 
affairs  of  the  heart  could  have  seen  it  at  a glance. 

Wandering  aimlessly  through  the  beautiful  park  surround- 
ing the  Capitol,  they  were  so  engrossed  in  each  other  that 
they  were  perfectly  oblivious  of  the  attention  they  attracted 
from  passers-by. 

If  there  had  been  no  other  indication,  the  bride  s beautiful 
lavender  costume  would  have  told  the  story.  (Why  do 
brides  always  affect  lavender  tints  in  bridal  tour  costumes?) 

The  Government  clerks  were  just  returning  to  their 
homes  in  droves,  and  as  they  passed  this  couple,  they  would 
squeeze  each  other’s  arms,  and  giggle — that  isi  if  they  hap- 
pened to  be  of  the  fair  sex.  There  is  a wondrous  fellow 
feeling  among  womankind  for  a bride — all  the  world  loves 
a lover — and  all  the  daughters  of  Eve  love  a bride. 

Washington  surpasses  Niagara  Ealls  in  its  power  to  attract 

111 


AROUND  THE  CAPITAL. 


I 


the  newly-wedded,  for  at  least  half  of  the  bridal  parties 
of  the  land  make  the  beautiful  National  Capital  the  objective 
point  of  their  long  cherished  and  eagerly  looked  forward 
to  tours. 

And  this  couple  was  no  different  from  the  average  bride 
and  groom.  They  always  imagine  that  being  miles  from 
home  they  are  free  from  observation,  and  that  their  lan- 
guishing looks,  encircling  arms  and  other  manifestations 
of  undying  love  are  free  from  the  gaze  of  that  part  of  the 
world  which  is  cold  and  unappreciative. 

The  Park  was  radiant  in  its  spring-like  beauty.  The 
birds  were  singing  tunefully,  and  the  air  was  fragrant  with 
the  delicate  perfume  of  the  blossoms  that  come  only  with  the 
awakening  of  spring — in  fact,  it  was  perfect  “bridal  tour 
weather.” 

And  the  bride  was  happy — probably  happier  than  she  will 
ever  be  again — for  she  did  not  know  (poor,  confiding  girl) 
that  over  in  that  low,  brick  building — just  discernible 
through  the  trees,  called  the  Census  Building — there  are 
cruel  statistics  that  show  that  Dakota  and  Oklahoma  di- 
vorce courts  play  havoc  with  love’s  young  dream  now-a- 
days. 

“Does  00  lub  oo  wifey?”  cooed  the  innocent  young  wife 
for  the  eleven  hundred  and  sixty-seventh  time. 

“Ess  me  do,  sweety,”  replied  her  mate  for  the  eight 
hundred  and  forty-third  time. 

This  apparent  discrepancy  in  regard  to  the  small  number 
of  answers  received,  is  due  to  the  fact  that  the  other  three 

112 


\ 


) 


CHAUNCEY  MITCHELL  DEPEW,  New  York’s  junior  Senator,  is  an  acknowledged  wit. 
His  most  famous  witticism  was  the  joke  he  played  on  Cupid  in  getting  married  when 
It  was  supposed  he  had  passed  the  marriageable  age.  When  he  tackles  Senator  Nelson 
W.  Aldrich  of  Rhode  Island,  however,  his  witticisms  fall  on  unsympathetic  ears,  for  the 
New  England  Senator  la  usually  too  deeply  immersed  in  statecraft  to  Indulge  in  humor. 

113 


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AROUND  THE  CAPITAL. 

hundred  and  twenty-four  times  tlie  answer  was  an  im- 
passioned kiss. 

This  had  been  going  on  for  some  time,  when  an  old 
gentleman  with  a particularly  kindly-looking  countenance 
came  down  the  walk  towards  them  with  an  easy  stride  that 
seemed  to  indicate  that  the  individual  was  on  good  terms 
with  himself  and  all  the  world  as  well. 

The  reader  will  hardly  fail  to  recognize-  in  this  descrip- 
tion the  ubiquitous  Chicle  Hank  Slocum,  who  was  on  his 
way  to  the  Capitol  to  spend  another  day  among  the  law- 
makers and  legislators. 

As  he  approached  the  couple  the  bride  whispered  timidly 
to  her  newly  acquired  husband : 

“Dearie — ask  him ?” 

The  old  gentleman  observing  the  trepidation  of  the  pair, 
politely  asked  if  he  could  be  of  service  to  them? 

“Well,  you  see,”  explained  the  bride  (the  bridegroom 
was  far  too  shy  to  ask  questions  so  far  away  from  home) 
“we’re  total  strangers  here  in  Washington ” 

“An’  ye  want  tew  be  directed  ?”  replied  Uncle  Hank, 
taking  in  the  situation  at  a glance. 

“Yes,  that’s  it •”  answered  the  young  wife,  looking 

up  into  his  face  with  her  fawn-like  eyes. 

“Any  perticular  place  ye  want  tew  go  tew?”  further  in- 
quired he. 

“We  thought,  judging  by  your  looks,  you  might  be  a 
member  of  the  Government,  and  as  such  might  direct 
us  to  the  sights  to  be  seen.” 


i 


114 


SENATOR  CLARENCE  DON  CLARK,  of  Wyoming,  is  a strenuous  advocate  of  the  “Water 
Cure”  for  the  arid  regions  of  the  great  west,  having  spent  the  best  years  of  his  term  in 
the  Senate  in  making  the  opponents  of  his  Irrigation  Bill  take  water. 


115 


AROUND  THE  CAPITAL. 


y, 


OHIO 


JIWTICE  RUFUSWl>ECMHAM. 


When  this  little  speech  was  delivered,  the  bride  shrank 
close  to  her  husband’s  side  and  blushed  like  an  American 
Beauty  rose  after  a June  shower. 

“Wall,  I hain’t  bin  hyar  long,  myself,  but  I reckon  I 
kin  show  ye  whar  tew  go,’’  explained  Uncle  Hank,  smiling 
at  the  thought  of  being  taken  for  a member  of  the  Govern- 
ment. 

“Ye  go  right  along  this  walk,”  continued  he,  “till  ya 
cum’  tew  th’  bridal  path — them  ye  follow  et  up  till  ye  git 
tew  th’  Capitol ; go  up  th’  steps  till  ye  meet  th’  Dominie, 
an’  he’ll  show  you  th’  Dome — then  when  ye  cum’  ciaown, 
jest  ask  any  ov  th’  guards  tew  show  ye  th’  Soup-reme 
Courtin’  Chamber — an  ef  ye  want  tew  spoon,  jest  ask  Sen- 
itor  Spooner  tew ' show  ye  th’  Congreshnal  restyrant  fer 
spoons •” 

But  he  never  finished.  With  a haughty  stamp  of  her 
little  foot  on  the  asphalt,  the  little  bride  dragged  her  husband 
away.  While  he,  seeing  through  the  joke  at  once,  took 
it  good-naturedly,  regarding  Uncle  Hank  in  the  same  light 
as  he  would  his  father,  had  he  perpetrated  such  a witticism. 

A broad  grin  suffused  the  old  gentleman’s  countenance 
that  never  left  it  until  he  reached  the  Capitol  steps.  He 
was  still  chuckling  to  himself  when  his  arm  was  lightly 
touched  from  behind,  and  looking  around  he  beheld  his 
nephew,  Harry  Slocum,  standing  atdfis  elbow. 

“Harry,  ye’re  jest  th’  lad  I want  tew  see.  I had  an  experi- 
ence en  th’  Senit  yisterday  arternoon,  an’  I want  tew  tell 
ye  ov  et.” 


116 


When  SENATOR  JOSEPH  SIMON  of  Oregon  and  ADDISON  G.  FOSTER  of  Washington  shako 
hands  In  the  Senate  Chamber,  the  event  is  one  of  more  than  ordinary  significance,  as  they 
have  come  almost  four  thousand  miles  to  do  so.  The  Washington  Senator  is  known  as 
an  ardent  Republican,  having  lent  his  best  energies  to  foster  the  party  in  his  State, 
while  his  senatorial  neighbor  from  Oregon  is  equally  well-known  as  the  Simon  pur® 
article  of  Republicanism. 


117 


1 


r>.^.Dey\RMOJVD.  M e 
'MO. 


AROUND  THE  CAPITAL. 

“Well,  go  ahead,  Uncle,”  encouraged  his  nephew,  always 
ready  to  listen  to  his  elder  relative’s  adventures,  on  account 
of  their  entertaining  qualities. 

“Ye  see,  Harry,  I wuz  tired  ov  trampin’  ’raound  th’ 
Capitol  yisterday,  an’  thinkin’  tew  rest  up  a leetle,  I jest 
dropped  intew  th’  Senit  gallery  tew  watch  th’  perceedin’s  a 
bit.  Ez  soon  ez  I sot  daown  I begin  tew  feel  drowsy  an’ 
sleepy  like.  One  of  the  Senitors  waz  a-dronin’  aout  a 
long  peramble  abaout  th’  legal  aspict  ov  th’  Cubean  Sugar 
Skedule,  er  somethin'  like  et.  But  et  didn’t  interest  me 
no-how.  En  fact,  I jest  felt  ez  ef  I'd  go  tew  sleep  right 
then  an’  thar. 

“Ez  I remember  et  naow,  I sot  a long  time,  en  shortly 
after  I faound  myself  talkin’  tew  Senitor  Frye  en  th’  corridor. 
He  waz  glad  tew  see  me,  an’  invited  me  intew  th’  Chamber 
tew  see  haow  he  conducted  perceedin’s. 

“Senitor  Kean,  ov  New  Jersey,  waz  occupyin’  th’  chair,  ez 
thar  waz  nothin’  doin’  en  th’  Chamber.  When  he  seed 
us  cornin’  he  vacated  th’  chair  an’  Senitor  Frye  invited  me 
tew  set  ’longside  ov  him.  Sez  he,  ‘Things  ez  quiet  naow, 
but  sometimes  et  keeps  me  jumpin’  tew  keep  ’em  en  order, 
specially  when  Tillman  gits  goin’.’ 

“ ‘Seems  tew  me  thet  gavel  hammer  ov  yourn  ez  tew 
small,’  sez  I.  ‘Naow,  ef  I was  presidin’  over  this  Chamber 
I’d  hev  one  ez  big  ez  a sledge  hammer,  an’  ef  they  didn’t 
behave  I’d  sling  et  et  th’  obstreprus  breakers  ov  th’  peace.’ 

“He  laffed,  an’  sed  ‘I  waz  tew  strenuous  for  th’  dignified 
position  ov  President  ov  th’  Senit.’ 


SENATOR  JOHN  KEAN  of  New  Jersey  is  considered  one  of  Its  most  eminent  citizens,  being 
known  to  every  man.  woman,  child  and  mosquito  in  the  State.  In  the  Senate  Chamber 
is  looked  upon  as  being  the  politest  member;  being  on  good  terms  with  everybody.  Includ- 
ing John  Kean. 


319 


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AROUND  THE  CAPITAL. 

“Jest  then  th’  sharp  voice  ov  Senitor  Tillman  broke  th’ 
silence  ov  th’  chamber.  Th’  member  frum  South  Carliny 
wanted  tew  know  some  particulars  which  th’  Senitor  frum 
Wisconsin — (Senitor  Spooner)  refoosed  tew  giv’  him. 

“When  all  ov  a suddin  up  jumps  Senitor  Gallinger,  th’ 
shiny-bald-headed  Senitor  frum  Noo  Hamsher.  He  com- 
menced sassin’  th’  Senitors  all  abaout  him.  Sed  Senitor 
Clay,  from  Georgy,  thought  he  waz  another  lienry  Clay — ■ 
but  he  wasn’t — his  name  waz  mud.  An’  th’  Senitor  frum 
North  Dakoty  waz  a Socialist  an’  a Munisipel  ownership 
crank.  This  ixcited  th’  other  members,  an’  they  jumped 
tew  ther  feet  all  over  th’  Chamber,  wavin’  ther  hands  et 
th’  persidin’  officer,  who  refoosed  tew  let  ’em  speak,  but 
kep’  rappin’  fer  order,-  an’  soon  he  began  tew  git  ixcited  an’ 
seizin’  my  umbrelly  begin  tew  hammer  his  desk  with  et 
tew  git  order — an’  en  a few  minutes  my  umbrelly  waz  a 
reck.  But  he  jest  kep’  hammerin’  till  ther  wasn’t  nothin’ 
but  th’  ribs  ov  thet  old  umbrelly  left.  An’  then  they  quieted 
daown  a bit — but  only  fer  a minnit — fer  Senitor  Lodge 
sneered  thet  th’  Senitor  frum  Georgy  (meamn’  Senitor 
Bacon)  waz  ez  bald  ov  facts  ez  his  hed  waz  ov  hair. 

“I  soon  see  frum  this  thet  they  waz  goin’  tew  be  trouble, 
fer  th’  Southerners  got  ther  beds  together  an’  soon  they 
charged  en  a body  acrost  th’  Chamber,  an’  seized  th’  sassiest 
of  th’  crowd  ’raound  th’  Massachoosits  Senitor.  This  was 
Senitor  Beverage,  th’  young  Hoosier,  who  had  bin  makin’ 
tauntin’  remarks  tew  Tillman  an’  Bailev. 

“So  they  jest  pulled  him  up  tew  th’  President’s  chair  an’ 

120 


SENATOR  JACOB  H.  GALLINGER  of  N. 
H.,  was  aa  eminent  physician  before  he 
entered  the  Senate  which  accounts  for 
his  adroitness  m the  management  of 
"Bi'.ls.”  Is  a shining  light  in  the  Sen- 
ate Chamber;  his  polish,  however,  is  not 
ail  due  to  his  shiny  pate. 


12X 


1 


T£N  Ht 


AROUND  THE  CAPITAL. 

while  Tillman  an'  Clay  held  his  arms,  Senitor  Bacon  pulled 
out  a seltzer  bottle  from  under  his  coat  an’  squirted  th’ 
water  full  intew  his  mouth,  which  waz  wide  open  shoutin* 
imprecations  at  th'  tormentin’  craowd. 

“Senitor  Teller  waz  hoppin’  araound  like  a wild  Injun, 
shoutin’  ‘Give  him  th’  Water  Cure! — Give  et  tew  him!’ 

“Chansey  Depew  jumped  atop  ov  his  desk  an’  begin 
chaffin’  some  ov  th’  Senitors. 

“ ‘Quay,’  seel  he,  ‘this  reminds  me  ov  a Pennsilvany  con- 

venshun  en  Phillydelphy ’ but  he  got  no  further,  fer 

Quay  throo  a big  book  et  him  thet  landed  on  his  stummick 
an’  he  toppled  over  tew  th’  floor. 

“Mark  Hanna  jest  then  throo  his  cane  et  th’  craowd  thet 
waz  tormentin’  Beverage,  but  et  missed  them  an’  struck 
me  plum  on  th’  top  ov  my  heel,  an’  then — I woke  up. 

“Th’  officer  waz  standin’  en  front  ov  me,  tappin’  me  gently 
on  th’  hed  with  his  cane.  Sed  he,  ‘Mister,  wake  up ! Th’ 
Senit  ez  goin’  intew  executiv’  seshun,  an’  th’  galleries  hez 
got  tew  be  cleared.’  ’’ 

The  look  of  incredulity  that  overspread  Harry’s  counte- 
nance, as  his  uncle  related  his  remarkable  adventure,  disap- 
peared when  he  realized  that  it  was  all  a dream,  and  he 
laughed  until  the  tears  came  to  his  eyes.  As  uncle  and 
nephew  walked  arm  in  arm  down  the  corridor,  a burst  of 
laughter  could  be  heard  from  time  to  time  from  the  pair 
as  the  old  man  uttered  some  new  witticism  in  the  ear  of 
his  appreciative  nephew. 


1 


122 


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CHAPTER  XL 


A TALK  WITH  UNCLE  SAM. 


' E was  the  cartoonist’s  Uncle  Sam.  There  was  no 
mistaking  that  long  lean  figure  encased  in  blue 
swallow-tail  coat  and  red  and  white  striped  trous- 
ers, and  that  keen,  intelligent  face  framed  in  white 
locks,  which  fell  in  a luxuriant  mass  to  the  neck,  partly 
concealing  a high  standing  collar  of  a long  out-of-date  style. 

L'ncle  Hank  recognized  him  at  once,  and,  as  was  his 
wont,  proceeded  to  get  on  intimate  terms  with  him.  As 
could  be  seen  by  the  flags  flying  on  both  wings  of  the 
Capitol,  Congress  was  in  session. 

“I  see  yer  Law  Factory  ez  en  full  blast,”  ventured  Uncle 
Hank,  by  way  of  introduction. 

“Yes,  they  are  hard  at  work,  but  they  work  very  slow — • 
too  many  speeches,  I guess,”  replied  L'ncle  Sam. 

“Wall,  I reckon  they’d  hev  tew  talk  er  they’d  bust.  A 
speech  ez  en  eruption  ov  words,  an’  Congriss  ez  full  ov 
volcanoes  liable  tew  go  intew  eruptions  any  time.” 

“I  was  just  thinking  that  since  I have  added  considerably 
to  my  farm.  Congress  will  have  to  talk  less  and  act  with 
more  promptness,  or  my  afifairs  will  get  into  a tangle.  Now. 
there  is  that  interoceanic  ditch — I wane  to  go  right  to  work 

123 


I 

I 


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S-DA. 


ARK. 


and  dig  it,  but  they  have  got  into  a snarl  about  it  in 
Congress,  and  my  hands  are  tied.  And,  by  ginger ! some- 
thing's got  to  be  done  about  those  Trusts;  they  are  getting 
altogether  too  powerful — why,  they’re  beginning  to  take 
on  the  airs  of  feudal  barons,”  and  he  dove  both  hands  deep 
into  his  trousers’  pockets  as  he  glared  sternly  at  the  dome 
of  the  Capitol. 

“Mebbe  yer  interests’d  be  better  looked  after  ef  th’  Sen- 
itors  waz  elected  by  th’  people  instid  ov  th’  legislatoors?” 
suggested  Uncle  Hank. 

“I’m  not  so  sure  of  that.  Political  bosses  can  manage 
conventions  as  well  as  they  can  handle  legislatures.” 

“But  th’  convenshuns  don’t  ellect,”  argued  Uncle  Hank. 
“Ef  th’  state  legislatoors  voted  by  th’  secret  ballot  system,  I 
reckon  ye’d  git  a better  brand  of  Senitors  then  ye  naow 
git.” 

“By  ginger ! that’s  a good  idea !”  exclaimed  Uncle  Sam. 
“That’s  the  next  reform  I'll  have  to  have  instituted.” 

“Haow  d'ye  like  Teddy,  yer  new  President?”  inquired 
Uncle  Hank. 

“He’s  honest,  and  means  well,  but — he  doesn’t  seem  to 
get  along  with  my  General,  and  Admiral.” 

“Miles'  an’  Dewey  dew  seem  tew  stick  en  his  craw.  I 
s’pose  th’  Root  ov  th’  difficulty  ez  en  th’  War  Department,” 
replied  Uncle  Hank,  with  a grin. 

“He  also  seems  to  have  the  knack  of  getting  the  South- 
erners angry,”  observed  Uncle  Sam,  not  noticing  the  com- 
ment made  by  his  companion.  “First,  it  was  by  dining  a 

IM 


1.1  Alabama,  is  so  popular  at  home  that  ho  was  elected  to  the 
dfer  rene Ji  Republicans  and  Populists.  Was  a Brlga- 

tain  h flshting  qualities,  which  he  still  re- 

ams, hav.ng  repeatedly  expressed  his  willingness  to  go  to  war  with  John  Dull  should  the 
atter  attempt  to  interfere  m any  way  with  his  pet  scheme-The  Inter-Oceanic  Canal. 


125 


AROUND  THE  CAPITAL. 


1 


^ TENN.  mc. 


black  man  in  the  White  House ; then  he  made  a speech  that 
fired  them  up  again  on  the  lynching  question.  If  h.e  don’t 
look  out,  Mark  Hanna  will  catch  all  those  Southern  delegates 
again.” 

“An’  Teddy  wants  another  engagement,”  interposed 
Uncle  Hank. 

“Theodore’s  got  some  good  qualities,”  continued  Uncle 
Sam.  “He’s  a good  lighter,  and  I need  good  fighters  now. 
I have  another  San  Juan  Hill  to  storm — a fortified  hill,  with 
its  artillery  trained  on  my  most  valued  institutions — Trust- 
IMonopoly  Hill,  with  its  intrenchments  of  money  bags,  will 
be  harder  to  subdue  than  a score  of  San  Juans — and  if 
President  Roosevelt  wishes  to  cover  himself  with  laurel, 
he’ll  organize  another  troop  of  Rough  Riders  and  lead 
them  to  victory  that  will  place  his  name  far  beyond  the 
reach  of  scheming  politicians.” 

“Wall,”  replied  the  old  man,  reflectively,  “th'  Spanish 
War’d  be  child’s  play  tew  thet — th’  hardest  fight  en  th’ 
world  ez  th’  fight  again  money.” 

“Pve  never  had  occasion  to  fight  it  before,”  remarked 
Uncle  Sam,  as  he  thoughtfully  stroked  his  long  chin 
whiskers. 

“I  wish  ye  luck  en  yer  fight,”  replied  Uncle  Hank,  “but 
ye’ll  find  yer  enemy  intrenched  en  every  Wall  Street  bank’s 
vault,  en  yer  most  trusted  jedges’ll  fly  tew  th’  relief  ov 
yer  enemy  when  ye  least  ixpect  et.  An’  ez  fer  Congress — 
thar’s  no  tellin’  what  they’ll  do  en  sech  a crisis.” 

“I’ll  win  the  fight,  as  I have  every  other,”  cried  Uncle 

136 


i 


f n . t DE'^  KY,  hero  of  Manila  Bay.  In  honor  thereof,  was  placed  on  top 

" V.  srateful  American  people.  Allowed  to  remain  there  for  a short  time, 

w en  e was  ruthlessly  thrown  down  hy  the  same  people  on  being  presented  with  a gift 
house  with  a string  attached. 


127 


AROUND  T?IE  CAPITAL. 

Sam,  his  voice  ringing  with  determination.  “And  if  Roose- 
velt is  not  equal  to  the  occasion,  there  is  always  a man 
suitable  for  the  emergency  when  there  is  a call  for  one." 

“A  sort  ov  man  ov  destiny?’’  suggested  the  old  man. 
“Wall,  et’ll  take  a strong  man  ov  th’  people  tew  keep  th’ 
Republic  en  th’  right  path,  ef  aour  rich  families  keep  on 
makin’  alliances  with  Earls  en  Counts — they’ll  be  wantin’ 
tew  start  th’  breed  on  this  side  ov  th’  ocean  arter  a bit.” 

“Then  you  think  there’s  a likelihood  of  establishing  a 
line  of  nobility  in  this  country?”  laughingly  questioned 
Uncle  Sam. 

“Walldorf  Astor’s  heirs  ez  likely  tew  be  ov  th’  nobility 
ef  he  keeps  throwin’  Ameriken  dollars  et  th’  foot  ov  th’ 
British  throne,  en  then  th’  Noo  York  rent-payers  tew  th’ 
Astor  estate’ll  be  contributin’  tew  th’  support  ov  th’  nobility, 
won’t  they?”  shrewdly  inquired  the  old  man. 

“Well,  that  is  one  phase  of  the  question  that  is  rather 
unpleasant  to  contemplate,”  replied  Uncle  Sam. 

“En  ez  th’  Astors  ez  th’  leaders  ov  th‘  four  hundred  th’ 
rest’ll  want  tew'  imitate  ’em,  en  we’ll  soon  hev  th’  Prince 
ov  Standard  He,  en  th’  Earl  ov  Pig-Iron,  th’  Duke  ov  To- 
baccy,  th’  Count  ov  Traction,  en  th’  Sultan  ov  Sugar — with 
a hull  list  of  Knights  ov  th’  Garters,  Suspenders,  en  th’ 
like.” 

“And  I suppose  the  whole  lot  will  swear  allegiance  to 
the  Field  Marshal  of  Industry?”  laughingly  suggested 
Uncle  Sam,  who  did  not  take  his  companion  seriously. 

“Wall,  yer  father,  George  Washington,  told  ye  tew  beware 

128 


AROUND  THE  CAPITAL. 


ov  furrin  intanglemints  en  alliances,”  retorted  the  old  man. 

“I  see  you  are  a true  blue  American,  with  no  liking  for 
the  gew-gaws  and  tinsel  of  royalty.” 

“Et’s  en  th’  blood- — patryotic  Yankee  blood — thar’s  none 
ov  et  flowin’  en  th’  veins  ov  Walled-oft  Astor,  I reckon.” 
And  the  old  man’s  jaws  set  firm,  like  the  jaws  of  a steel 
trap. 

“Well,  I like  your  sentiments,  old  man,”  responded  Uncle 
Sam.  “It  was  the  likes  of  you  that  enabled  me  to  win  in 
my  Revolutionary  struggle.” 

“But  haow  ye  hev  riz  up  sense  them  days ! — ye  desarve 
a lot  ov  credit  fer  th’  way  ye  treated  Cuby.  Ther  isn’t  a 
nation  en  Europe  thet  would  hev  given  Cuby  her  freedom 
ef  they’d  hed  her  in  ther  power  ez  you  hed  her,”  and  Uncle 
Hank  looked  admiringly  at  the  figure  in  front  of  him. 

“And  the  Filipinos  will  get  as  good  treatment  as  Cuba 
got,  if  they  will  only  get  sense  enough  to  stop  fighting,  and 
come  in  under  the  Stars  and  Stripes.” 

“Well,  them  Phillypines  ez  a good  place  fer  ye  tew 
stand  en  look  intew  thet  open  door  ov  Chiny,  so’s  tew  see 
what’s  goin’  on  inside,”  suggested  Uncle  Hank. 

“Yes,  and  I propose  to  keep  both  eyes  wide  open,”  re- 
torted Uncle  Sam.  “With  Russia,  England  and  Germany 
maneuvering  for  advantages  in  China  there  is  likely  to  be 
some  scrapping  before  long,  and  as  I’m  more  of  a business 
man  than  a brawler,  it  behooves  me  to  keep  my  business  eye 
glued  to  that  open  door.” 


12?» 


Ohio. 


1 


AROUND  THE  CAPITAL. 

“Thet’s  right,”  replied  Uncle  Hank,  “runnin'  mills  ez 
better’ll  standin’  armies.” 

“And  my  mills  and  factories  are  running  on  full  time 
now ; the  sun  of  prosperity  is  shining  brightly  all  over  the 
land,"  replied  Uncle  Sam,  with  evident  satisfaction  at  the 
thought. 

“But  somehaow  or  other  th’  sunlight  don’t  seem  tew 
shine  any  tew  bright  daown  intew  them  coal  mines,”  slyly 
observed  Uncle  Hank,  as  he  elevated  his  eyebrows. 

“It  does  seem  a pity  that  the  men  who  dig  and  delve  in 
the  mines  should  be  compelled  to  strike  for  fair  compen- 
sation.” 

“Et’s  human  natur’  fer  them  ez  haz  plenty  tew  oppress 
them  ez  haz  nothin’ — 

‘Man’s  inhumanity  teia  man 

Hcz  made  countless  thoiisan’s  mourn,’ 

sed  a poet,  who  most  likely  hed  jest  heard  ov  a coal  miners’ 
strike  when  he  rote  them  words.” 

“Corporations  are  soulless,”  was  Uncle  Sam’s  only  com' 
ment. 

“Wall,  ye’ll  hev  tew  take  th’  manig’ment  ov  all  publik 
franchises  intew  yer  own  ban’s,”  said  Uncle  Hank. 

“Perhaps  that  is  the  only  solution  of  the  vexatious  prob- 
lem,” replied  he. 

“Yer  Post  Office  ez  maniged  fer  th’  benefit  ov  th’  people ; 
an’  et’s  well  managed,  tew.  Ef  et  waz  run  by  a trust  et 

130 


i 


PKN’ATOR  NATHAN  BAY  SCOTT,  nf  West  Virginia,  is  chairman  of  the  committee  on  Mines. 
Being  a glass  manufacturt r,  ho  ran  see  right  through  the  miner  when  he  undertakes  to  v 
btrlke.  Jn  Wheeling,  W.  Va.,  where  he  resides  he  is  known  as  'Great  Seoul” 

131 


1 


MfiS  LLUIE  r.  >HAW- 

y/lftOFSEty 


AROUND  THE  CAPITAL. 

would  cost  ten  cents  tew  send  a letter  tew  the  Pacific  Slope, 
an’  th’  trust’d  be  declaren’  big  dividen’s  ev’ry  year.  An' 
th’  way  ye  run  yer  Departmints  ez  a credit  tew  yer  bizness 
manig’ment.  Who  ever  beam  tell  ov  a Secritery  ov  tb’ 
Treasury  gittin’  secretly  rich  off  th’  job,  an’  bavin’  folks 
askin’  ‘where  he  got  it?’  Er  a Postmaster  Gineral  skedad- 
dlin’ with  th’  money  orders  an’  registered  mail.  No,  Sir- 
ree ! Ef  yer  big  cities  waz  run  en  th’  same  economikel 
way  ez  yer  Departmints  ez  Noo  York’d  he  Paradise  an’ 
Cheecargo  an’  Phillydelfy’d  be  half-way  haouses  tew 
heaven,”  and  the  old  man  raised  his  hand  aloft  to  em- 
phasize his  last  remark.  When  he  looked  around  his  com- 
panion had  vanished — had  disappeared  as  completely  as 
though  swallowed  up  by  the  earth.  And  when  he  looked 
again  at  the  Capitol,  the  flags  were  down  and  he  found 
himself  surrounded  by  scores  of  Congressmen  emerging 
from  the  exits  of  the  great  structure — Congress  had  ad- 
journed. 


1S2 


AROUND  THE  CAPITAL. 


CHAPTER  XII. 


THE  LIBRARY  OF  CONGRESS. 


The  true  university  of  these  days  is  a collection  of  books. 

— Carlyle. 


I HEN  Admiral  Cockburn,  the  cocky  British  Ad- 
fl  A I miral,  strutted  up  the  steps  to  the  chair  of  the 
House  of  Representatives  in  1814,  and  flam- 
boyantly ordered  the  destruction  of  the  piles  of 
books  which  constituted  the  original  Library  of  Congress, 
George  Washington  had  been  dead  some  fourteen  years,  or 
he  might  have  paid  dearly  for  his  act  of  vandalism. 

Established  in  1802  by  the  purchase  of  three  thousand 
books,  it  now  numbers  over  one  millioii  volumes,  housed 
in  the  finest  building  of  its  kind  in  the  world,  a beautiful 
structure  that  cost  Uncle  Sam  six  million,  six  hundred  and 
twenty-seven  thousand,  one  hundred  and  twenty-four  dollars 
and  fifty-four  cents. 

These  figures,  being  from  official  sources,  are  reliable. 
In  regard  to  the  fifty-four  cents,  that  is  presumed  to  cover 
the  cost  of  the  beautiful  medal  worn  by  the  official  guarding 
the  door  at  the  entrance. 

Eight  years  were  consumed  in  its  construction,  and  in 

133 


AROUND  the:  capital. 


' BUf?KE.TT.T^.t' 


1896,  when  the  building  was  declared  finished,  there  was 
on  hand  an  unexpended  balance  of  three  hundred  and 
fourteen  thousand,  four  hundred  and  fifty-two  dollars  and 
two  cents  out  of  the  amount  appropriated  by  Congress  for 
its  completion. 

This  reflects  very  seriously  on  its  constructor.  General 
Thomas  Lincoln  Casey,  Chief  of  Engineers  of  the  Army. 

According  to  the  methods  in  vogue  in  many  municipalities 
such  a structure  would  consume  three  times  eight  years 
in  construction,  providing  nice,  fat  jobs  for  scores  of 
political  heelers,  and  instead  of  a balance  of  the  original 
construction  fund  being  left  at  its  completion,  there  would 
be  a deficit  of  a couple  million  of  dollars. 

The  building  is  of  the  Italian  Renaissance  type  of  archi- 
tecture. There  are  about  forty-five  miles  of  shelving,  with 
a capacity  of  two  million,  two  hundred  and  twenty-five 
thousand  volumes. 

From  the  circular  desk  in  the  center  of  the  rotunda  a 
perfect  system  of  pneumatic  tubes  and  telephones  insures 
the  arrival  of  books  inquired  for,  with  marvelous  prompti- 
tude. Books  for  Congressmen  are  conveyed  to  the  Capitol 
by  a cable  through  an  underground  tunnel. 

The  dimensions  of  the  library  are  four  hundred  and 
seventy  feet  by  three  hundred  and  forty  feet,  covering  three 
and  three-quarter  acres  of  ground. 

The  material  used  in  its  construction  is  Concord  granite 
exteriorly,  and  enameled  brick  within  the  courts,  while 

134 


THE  HOUSE  TAKING  A RECESS. 
Btpresentative  Cannon  Returns  with  a Book  of  Reference. 

135 


AROUND  THE  CAPITAL. 


the  frame  work  is  of  steel.  The  interior  is  encased  and 
decorated  in  marble  and  stucco. 

The  decorations,  which  excite  universal  admiration,  are 
wholly  the  work  of  American  sculptors  and  painters,  more 
than  two  score  of  whom  participated  in  the  work,  rendering 
the  library  an  exhibit  and  memorial  of  the  ability  of  native 
art  of  which  the  American  people  may  justly  be  proud. 

Just  compare  the  beautiful  decorative  work  done  by  these 
American  artists  with  the  beer-garden-like  decorative  paint- 
ing to  be  found  in  the  corridors  of  the  Senate  wing  of  the 
Capitol,  done  by  imported  artists,  and  you  will  come  to 
the  conclusion  that  American  Art  is  keeping  pace  with 
American  advancement  in  other  lines. 

As  Uncle  Hank  and  his  nephew  wended  their  way  across 
the  park  between  the  Capitol  and  the  Library,  they  discussed 
the  best  plan  to  see  the  library  and  all  it  contained. 

“I  tell  ye,  Harry,”  remarked  the  old  man,  “I  love  books. 
They  remind  me  ov  well-bred  children.  They  only  speak 
when  they’re  consulted.” 

“And  they’re  easily  shut  up,”  responded  Harry. 

“I  guess  thar’s  whar  ye  enter  accordin’  tew  act  ov  Con- 
gress, eh?”  exclaimed  the  old  man,  pointing  his  finger  at 
the  grand  staircase  leading  to  the  main  entrance. 

“Yes,  and  if  you  don’t  look  out  I’ll  have  you  copyrighted 
as  an  original  production,”  letorted  his  nephew,  laughingly. 

’When  they  reached  the  vestibule  the  old  man  stood  for 
sometime  looking  about  the  vast  square  well,  occupying 
the  center  of  the  rectangular  pavilion  containing  the  mag- 

136 


AROUND  THE  CAPITAL. 


nificent  stairways  leading  to  the  rotunda  galleries.  His 
admiration  at  last  found  vent. 

“Et’s  th’  finest  buildin’  I ever  see.  Et  looks  ez  ef  et 
waz  built  by  an  insoorance  company — ct’s  so  fine  an’  costly 
lookin’.” 

“Don’t  enthuse  until  you’ve  seen  the  rest  of  it,”  warned 
Harry.  “We’ll  go  up  to  the  gallery  first,  and  take  In  the 
rotunda  from  its  elevation.”  The  pair  then  ascended  the 
marble  steps,  and  as  they  reached  the  door  leading  to  the 
gallery  Uncle  Hank’s  eye  caught  sight  of  a gilt  lettered  sign 
bearing  the  single  word, 


SILENCE. 


“Thar’s  an  insult  tew  every  free  born  American  female 
visitor,”  exclaimed  he.  “Talk  abaout  equal  rights  en  a free 
country — tew  command  a woman  tew  hold  her  tongue — 
et's  curtailin’  th’  rights  ov  th’  wimmen  tew  much  tew  be 
tolerated  for  one  minnit.” 

His  comments  were  brought  to  a sudden  check  by  an 
admonition  from  Harry  that  an  official  was  watching  them, 
and  the  rest  of  the  old  man’s  garrulous  remarks  were  made 
in  whispers. 

The  rotunda  is  a grand  octagonal  hall  one  hundred  feet 
in  diameter,  occupving  the  whole  center  of  the  building, 
and  rising  from  the  main  floor  to  the  canopy  within  the 
dome,  a height  of  over  one  hundred  and  twenty-five  feet. 

The  dome  rests  upon  eight  massive  pillars,  connected  by 
beautiful  arches,  each  of  which  is  filled  above  the  capitals 

138 


i 

; 


•T.T  LOOICS  rz  EF  'TWAS  liDILT  I3Y  EN  ENSOORANCE  COMPAKY-ET’S  SO  FINE.” 


AROUND  THE  CAPITAL. 


TEX.  / M.C 


KC. 

IOWA 


of  its  supporting  pillars  with  semi-circular  windows  thirty- 
two  feet  wide. 

The  eight  sides  of  the  hall  are  formed  by  two  storied 
loggias  of  Siena  marble,  the  lower  story  consisting  of  three 
arches  divided  by  square  pillars  with  Corinthian  capitals, 
the  secoad  story  of  seven  lesser  arches  supported  by  small 
pillars  of  Ionic  style,  and  above  all  is  carried  an  open  gallery 
protected  by  a heavy  balustrade.  These  loggias  and  the 
upper  galleries  run  all  around  the  rotunda.  It  was  from 
these  upper  galleries,  overlooking  the  whole  room,  nearly 
eighty  feet  from  the  floor,  that  Uncle  Hank  and  his  nephew 
viewed  the  reading  room  and  its  busy  workers. 

Eight  colossal  emblematic  statues  adorn  this  gallery. 

Sixteen  portrait  statues  stand  along  the  balustrade : they 
are  of  bronze  and  in  pairs. 

Harry  explained  in  detail  each  figure.  “There  is 
Michael  Angelo  and  Beethoven,  representing  Art,”  ex- 
claimed he.  “Plato  and  Bacon,  representing  Philosophy, 
and  Homer  and  Shakespeare,  standing  for  Poetry.” 

Then,  walking  further  around  the  gallery,  he  stopped 
to  continue  his  description. 

“Law,”  he  continued,  “is  represented  by  Solon  and  Chan- 
cellor Kent,  while  Newton  and  Joseph  Henry  represent 
Science ; further  on  are  figures  of  Herodotus  and  Gibbon 
to  illustrate  History,  while  Religion  is  shown  by  figures  of 
Moses  and  St.  Paul ; all  from  authentic  portraits,  except 
those  necessarily  idealized.” 

“Thar’s  one  thing  I never  saw  before — a collection  of 

140 


A BEAUTIFUL  LIBRARY  BUILDIN’  EZ  LIKE  A IIANDSUH'  KIVER  TEW  A BOOK.”— UNCLE  HANK. 

141 


1 


M.C 


N.C. 


AROUND  THE  CAPITAL. 

statoos  without  a gineral  en  et,”  exclaimed  the  old  man 
when  Harry  had  concluded  his  description. 

‘Tn  the  Congressional  Library,  ‘the  pen  is  mightier  than 
the  sword,’  ” replied  Harry,  with  a smile. 

They  now  proceeded  to  descend  to  the  second  floor 
pavilions,  where  they  found  a wealth  of  material  to  interest 
them. 

Little  groups  of  tourists  were  scattered  here  and  there 
examining  the  beautiful  Mosaics  and  decorative  paintings, 
and  they  all  acknov*dedged  the  wonderful  beauty  of  the 
Library. 

Uncle  Hank  sat  down  on  one  of  the  settees  to  rest  awhile, 
and  incidentally  read  the  many  inscriptions  accompanying 
the  decorative  work,  while  his  nephew  took  a stroll  over  to 
a group  of  sightseers  to  hear  what  comment  they  were 
making  on  the  edifice.  On  his  return  to  where  the  old 
man  was  seated  he  proceeded  to  relate  the  individual 
opinions  expressed.  Said  he,  “The  man  from  Chicago  com- 
pared it  with  the  Auditorium  in  the  ‘Windy  City,’  and  found 
it  sadly  deficient  in  point  of  size;  and  the  New  Yorker, 
while  admitting  its  great  beauty,  said  it  was  too  far  from 
Broadway,  while  the  Philadelphian  thought  the  decorations 
were  too  loud — that  a more  restful  scheme  would  have 
been  better.  A St.  Louis  man  deprecated  the  idea  of  so 
much  praise  being  given  to  the  structure  before  seeing 
what  his  city  was  going  to  do  in  the  way  of  beautiful  build- 
ings at  their  coming  World’s  Fair.  And  a gentleman  with 
an  exceedingly  large  proboscis,  who  would  be  taken  any- 

143 


A 


A WHISPERED  CONFERENCE. 


When  SENATOR  DA('OX  tells  SENATOR  TELLER  a political  secret  it  is  w:ih  the  assur- 
ance that  he  Is  no  secret-teller.  Senator  Augustus  Octavius  Bacon  denies  strenuously 
that  he  :s  the  author  of  any  of  Shakespeare’s  plays,  but  acknowledges  that  Ham-let  and 
Bacon  do  seem  to  be  related.  Senator  llrnry  Moore  Teller,  tho  Silver  Rcpubr.can,  be- 
lieves that  the  blackest  Ucpubllcan  cloud  has  a silver  lining. 

143 


AROUND  THE  CARITAL. 


where  for  a Hebrew,  look  \'cry  Hltle  notice  of  anything 
until  he  came  to  Elihii  \’edder’s  ‘Minerva,’  which  they 
informed  him  was  a mosaic ; and  he  became  interested  in 
it  at  once." 

“I  reckon  he  thought  Moses  liad  som'thin’  tew  dew  with 
et,”  replied  the  old  man. 

“I  suppose  you’ve  been  studying  those  inscriptions  up 
there,"  remarked  Harry,  pointing  up  to  the  quotations  inter- 
woven with  the  decorations  that  embellish  the  walls  of  the 
pavilion.  “Now,  Uncle,”  he  continued,  “I  admire  the  idea 
of  placing  those  inscriptions  very  much.  They  furnish 
food  for  thought.  Now  what  do  you  think  of  this?  ‘Read- 
ing maketh  a full  man,  conference  a ready  man,  and  writing 
an  exact  man.” 

“Th’  last  part  ez  kerrect,  Harry.  I once  writ’  an  indors’- 
ment  ontew  th’  back  ov  a note,  an’  et  cost  me  ’xactly  th’ 
hull  amount  ov  th’  note,”  replied  the  old  man  dryly. 

“W ell,  here’s  another,  in  a different  vein : 

“ ‘Knowledge  is  the  wing  wherewith  we  fly  to  heaven.’  ” 

“A  sort  ov  Santy  Dumont  airship,  I reckon.  Naow,  thar’s 
a qwotation  thet  Eve  been  studyin’,”  exclaimed  the  old 
man,  pointing  his  finger  as  he  read : “ ‘Knollege  cums,  but 
wisdom  lingers.’  Naow,  thet’s  th’  idee.  When  ye  git 
kicked  by  a mule  ye  git  th’  knollege  ov  et  et  once,  but  et’s 
wisdum  thet  keeps  ye  away  frum  his  heels  ever  after.” 

“Those  ceiling  inscriptions  are  taken  from.  Adelaide 
Procter’s  poem,  ‘The  Unexpressed.’  No  real  poet  ever 


144 


UNCLE  HANK  UEADINU  THE  INSCKIPTIONS  IN  THE  CCNGKKSblONAL  LIBIIAKY. 

145 


AROUND  THE  CAPITAL. 


wove  in  numbers  all  his  dreams.  How  do  you  like  that 
sentiment?”  exclaimed  Harry. 

“Ef  they  did,  then  them  opium  jints’d  turn  aout  th’ 
greatest  poets.” 

“But  they’d  have  to  write  before  their  pipes  went  out,” 
replied  Harry.  “Now  here’s  another : 

“ ‘No  great  thinker  ever  lived  and  taught  you  all  the 
wonder  that  his  soul  received.’  ” 

“Thet’s  very  true,  Harry.  No  lemon  squeezer  ever  got 
th’  last  drop  ov  juice  aout  oy  a lemon,”  explained  the  old 
man  as  he  further  elucidated  the  idea. 

“Well,  now  we’ve  examined  the  paintings  and  inscrip- 
tions, suppose  we  take  a stroll  in  yonder  room?  Having 
admired  the  cover,  now  let  us  examine  the  contents  of  the 
book,”  suggested  Harry  to  his  uncle,  who  was  now  com- 
pletely rested,  and  ready  for  a tramp  of  investigation  wher- 
ever his  fancy  might  lead. 

Ranged  in  a series  of  glass-covered  cases  was  displayed 
a large  collection  of  books  printed  when  the  art  of  printing 
was  in  its  infancy ; old  volumes  printed  in  the  sixteenth 
and  seventeenth  centuries,  when  the  printing  of  books  was 
rated  among  the  high  arts,  and  when  many  a volume  was 
constructed  because  of  a love  for  the  art  rather  than  for 
the  hope  of  any  profit  in  a pecuniary  sense  that  might 
accrue. 

To  the  real  book-lover  these  old  books,  with  their  crude, 
though  artistic  illustrations,  and  their  quaint  types  and 

146 


\ 


N 


ROBERT  C OGDEX,  ChaTman  of  the  Board  of  Trustees  of  Hampton  Institute  and  President 
o the  ..outhern  Education  Board,  is  one  of  the  well-known  figures  of  Washington.  Hia 
long  association  with  John  Wanainaker  in  the  department  store  business  has  taught  him 
that  Black  Kids  are  always  good  to  have  in  stock. 


147 


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M I t M . 


CAt  M-C. 


unique  initial  letters  that  embellish  them,  form  a most  en- 
trancing exhibit. 

“Et’s  trooly  th’  Art  Preservativ’  ov  all  th’  Arts,”  exclaimed 
Uncle  Hank,  after  exhaustively  examining  the  cases,  “an’ 
et’s  a great  pity  et  wazn’t  discovered  a couple  of  thousand 
years  sooner.  Ef  they’d  hed  printin’  presses  en  ancient 
Athens,  th’  lamin’  and  filosofy  ov  Greece  would  hev  bin 
presarved  fer  futoor  ginerations.” 

“Even  a ‘yellow  journal,’  containing  wireless  messages 
from  Thermopylae,  would  have  been  eagerly  sought  by  a 
later  Napoleon  or  a Washington,”  suggested  Harry. 

They  now  directed  their  steps  to  the  gallery  containing 
the  old  engraving  and  print  exhibit.  Here  were  to  be 
seen  some  very  fine  samples  of  Albert  Durer’s  engrav- 
ings, some  of  the  specimens  shown  being  the  finest  in  the 
country.  This  collection  is  equally  rich  in  othei  branches 
of  engraving,  the  Rembrandt  prints  being  particularly  fine. 
In  this  gallery  is  to  be  found  a very  fine  collection  of 
portraits  of  Washington,  a remarkable  feature  of  which 
is,  that  while  all  are  of  high  artistic  merit,  no  two  look 
alike. 

“Wad  some  power  th’  giftie  gie  us 
To  see  oursels  as  others  see  us ” 

pleaded  the  poet  Burns.  Were  he  living  to-day  he  would 
doubtless  be  astonished  at  the  lack  of  unity  with  which 
we  are  often  viewed  by  others. 

Uncle  Hank  now  conceived  a great  desire  to  descend  to 

148 


ENATOR  \VM.  B.  ABLISON  LOOKING  Tl’  A FEW  RKFEKKNCES  IN  THE  CONGRESSIONAL  LIBRARY. 


149 


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LAYTON. M.C. 


the  floor  below,  and  visit  the  Reading  Room.  \'^'lth  thi' 
energetic  old  man  to  conceive  was  to  act,  so  accordingly 
he  was  soon  striding  up  to  the  great  circular  desk  in  the 
center  of  the  rotunda. 

Here  he  was  greeted  by  an  old  friend,  Mr.  A.  R.  Spoft’ord, 
Chief  Assistant  Librarian,  for  many  years  Librarian  of 
Congress. 

“Mr.  Spoitord,"  exclaimed  the  old  man,  “I’ve  cum  tew 
look  over  yer  mental  resty’rant.” 

“Restaurant?”  repeated  Mr.  Spofford.  inquiringly. 

“Yeh ; th’  resty'rant  whar  ye  furnish  food  fer  th’  mind, 
fer  thet’s  what  books  air.” 

“Oh,  I see,”  laughingly  replied  the  librarian.  “Well,  if 
you  count  the  books  as  dishes,  we  have  quite  a lengthy  bill 
of  fare.” 

‘‘En  ef  ye  don’t  select  ’em  carefully  ye’re  apt  tew  hav 
mental  dyspepsy;  en  jedgin’  by  th’  lot  ov  books  ye  hev, 
thar’s  more  danger  ov  overindulginse  than  ther  ez  ov 
starvashun,”  observed  Uncle  Hank,  looking  around  at  the 
well-filled  cases  that  surrounded  the  rotunda. 

“It  is  the  most  wonderful  collection  in  the  country ; in 
fact,  a perfect  haven  of  delight  for  the  bibliomaniac,”  re- 
sponded the  librarian,  in  a tone  that  indicated  his  great  pride 
in  the  library. 

“Dew  ye  hev  many  ov  them?” 

“Many  of  what?” 

“Dew  ye  hev  many  of  them — maniacks?” 

150 


I 


f- 


V 

I 


AROUND  THE  CAPITAL. 

‘Well,  it’s  hardly  fair  to  call  those  who  love  books 
maniacs,”  smilingly  replied  Mr.  Spofford. 

“Thar’s  a book  I hev  in  mind  thet  would  teach  ye  more 
ov  th’  inside  his’try  ov  Congress  then  any  book  thet  waz 
ever  published.” 

‘‘What  book  do  you  refer  to?” 

“A  book  made  up  ov  th’  Pages  ov  Congress.” 

“I  dare  say  such  a volume  would  contain  a wonderful  lot 
of  information  relative  to  the  inside  history  of  legisla- 
tion,” replied  the  librarian,  with  a significant  look. 

“Wall,  what  them  little  imps  don’t  know,  ain't  worth 
knowin’.  Why,  t’other  day  one  of  ’em  kem  over  tew  Senitor 
Depew’s  desk  with  sum  books,  an’  th’  little  chap’s  hair 
waz  thet  thick  thet  et  jest  stood  up  like  bristles  on  a hog’s 
back.  ‘Sonny,’  sez  th’  Senitor  (who  ez  ez  bald  ez  a hen’s 
egg),  ‘when  yew  git  married  yer  wif’ll  hev  a fine  place 
tew  grab  hold  ov.’  ‘Senitor,’  sez  th’  page,  mournfully,  ‘ez 
thet  th’  way  you  lost  your’ii?’” 

It  was  all  that  Librarian  Spofford  could  do  to  avoid 
breaking  the  imperative  rule  of  the  Library,  which  prohibits 
loud  laughter.  As  for  Lbicle  Hank,  he  quickly  bade  his 
old  friend  adieu,  and  retraced  his  steps  to  the  periodical 
room,  where  he  had  agreed  to  meet  his  nephew. 

As  he  passed  along  the  corridor  leading  to  the  room 
devoted  to  newspapers  and  periodicals,  he  noticed  several 
very  handsome  rooms  reserved  (as  their  signs  indicated) 
for  the  exclusive  use  of  members  of  the  House  of  Repre- 
sentatives and  Lmited  States  Senators. 

151. 


1 


AROUxND  THE  CAPITAL. 

The  room  designed  for  the  use  of  the  Senators  is  par- 
ticularly fine.  There  was  a bar  across  the  open  door  to 
prevent  the  too  inquisitive  public  from  entering  therein. 

Uncle  Hank  stood  for.  quite  a while  silently  contemplating 
this  beautiful  room,  with  its  magnificent  decorations  and 
beautiful  furnishings.  Its  magnificence  jarred  his  simple 
bucolic  taste.  “Them  U-nited  States  Senitors  ain’t  losin’ 
a trick !”  he  soliloquized,  as  he  slowly  moved  away. 

When  he  reached  the  long  room  devoted  to  newspapers, 
and  noticed  the  lengthy  line  of  newspaper  files,  he  did  what 
nine  out  of  every  ten  visitors  to  this  room  invariably  do — 
he  immediately  proceeded  to  hunt  up  his  local  paper.  After 
carefully  wiping  his  glasses  and  then  firmly  adjusting  them 
to  his  capacious  nose,  he  took  down  the  file  that  held  his 
local  paper.  Then  moving  his  chair  closer  to  the  window 
to  get  a better  light  (his  sight  was  none  too  good,  even 
with  the  aid  of  strong  glasses),  he  proceeded  to  read. 

“By  Gum !’’  he  mused  to  himself,  “thet  Bill  Snigers’  gone 
an’  married  tli’  Widder  Stivers  an’  her  six  childer — I guess 
et’s  th’  widder’s  farm  that  Bill’s  arter.  Whew ! Jabez 
Broad’s  painted  his  barn; — an’  what’s  this?  Deacon  Tag- 
gers hez  won  his  suit  again’  th’  road  commishners  fer 
damiges  agin  his  shade  trees.’’ 

Then,  turning  over  a leaf,  his  eye  encountered  the  editorial 
page.  Glancing  his  eye  along  the  columns,  his  attention 
was  attracted  to  the  “leader,”  which  he  perused  very  care- 
fully. Finally  a cloud  seemed  to  pass  over  his  usually 
benign  countenance 


153 


A MEMBER  OF  THE  HOUSE  MEETING  HIS  CONSTITUENTS  AT  THE  ENTRANCE  TO  THE  CHAMBER. 


153 


AROUND  THE  CAPITAL. 


'I 


' - 

J VSTICE  h INliY  B BKOWK 


Placing  the  file  carefully  on  the  table,  he  took  off  his 
glasses,  and  while  mechanically  wiping  them  with  the 
corner  of  his  large  voluminous  handkerchief,  he  muttered 
angrily : 

“Thet  Hezekiah  Sourworth  ez  a trucklin’  politician! 
Advocatin’  th’  buildin’  ov  a new  dam,  when  th’  caounty’s 
deep  en  debt  already.  He  knows  that  a leetle  repairin’  ez 
all  et  needs.  No  use  tew  build  a new  one.  Et’s  a sharp 
bit  er  politics — givin’  aout  contracts  so’s  tew  git  th’  Italian 
vote  next  ’lection.”  And  so  he  allowed  liimselt  to  become 
excited  over  the  little  trivialities  contained  in  his  small 
local  paper. 

But  Uncle  Hank  was  only  one  of  many  on  a like  mission — ■ 
looking  over  their  home  papers  for  the  little  tid-bits  of  local 
news  that  form  so  important  a part  in  the  routine  life  of 
the  majority  of  the  inhabitants  of  this  little  terrestrial 
sphere. 

Scores  of  Congressmen  were  to  be  seen  looking  up  their 
home  papers  to  spend  an  hour  or  so  in  keeping  track  of 
local  politics  before  the  opening  of  the  session  at  the  Capitol. 

“Thar’s  th’  real  Congress  ov  th’  U-nited  States,”  solilo- 
quized Uncle  Hank,  as  he  silently  contemplated  the  long 
lines  of  newspaper  files,  and  noticed  the  avidity  with  which 
they  were  read. 

“Representytives  frum  every  State  an’  section — represent- 
in’ th’  true  sentimint  of  th’  people.  Th’  Press  ez  a greater 
power  then  Congress  becos  et  hez  th’  people  back  otv  et. 
pt  can’t  misrepresent  ets  constituensy ; ef  et  did  et  would 

154 


i 


^ENJ.RPROCTOR, 

VT. 


^en.w.fdillingham 

VT. 


.TEN.  F.T.Dl'OOr5, 
IDAHO. 


J’CN.H.E.  BURNHAM, 
N.H. 


^EN.R.vJ, GAMBLE. 
N DA. 


5EN.J  LRAWLIN5 
UTAH, 


,SEN.W  J.DEBOE, 
KY. 


^SEN.J.R  BURTON. 
KAN. 


SEN.O.BCtltnCR^ON. 


.SEN.J.R.HAWLtY 
C O M Nt  ♦ 


.SeN.  J.P  DOLI.IVER 

lA, 


StN.  ri.O  VCTT 
MO. 


A GROUP  OF  PROMINENT  SENATORS, 

155 


AROUND  THE  CAPITAL. 


lose  ets  circulashun.  Et  decides  all  th’  public  questions 
ov  th’  day.  Et  waz  th’  Press  thet  brought  on  th’ 
Spanish  War — forcin’  Congress  tew  act  when  Congress  waz 
ondecided.  An’  I notis  thet  when  an  important  question  ez 
before  th’  House,  th’  members  consult  th’  Press  before  they 
make  up  ther  minds  haow  tew  vote.”  And  the  old  man 
quietly  folded  up  his  glasses,  restoring  them  to  his  pocket 
after  carefully  placing  them  in  the  old  leather  case.  Then 
placing  the  file  back  in  its  rack,  he  reached  across  the  table 
for  his  hat  and  walked  over  to  where  his  nephew  was  busily 
engaged  in  looking  over  the  papers  to  see  how  his  “Wash- 
ington correspondence”  looked  in  cold  type. 

Harry’s  task  was  soon  ended,  and  he  then  proposed  that 
they  take  a stroll  through  the  rest  of  the  building. 

“We’ve  seen  only  a small  part  of  this  great  structure  as 
yet,”  remarked  Harry.  “The  floor  area  of  the  first  floor  of 
the  library  is  about  one  hundred  and  eleven  thousand  square 
feet — that  of  the  British  Museum  is  only  ninety  thousand 
square  feet.” 

“Score  one  fer  Uncle  Sam,”  dryly  remarked  the  old  man. 

“It  has  no  rival  in  the  world,”  continued  Harry.  “While 
its  primary  function  is  to  furnish  the  national  legislature 
with  all  the  aids  in  their  important  duties  which  a complete 
and  comprehensive  library  can  supply,  it  is  at  the  same 
time  the  great  conservator  of  the  literature  of  the  nation. 
It  is  the  legal  repository  of  the  entire  product  of  the  Ameri- 
can press,  so  far  as  issued  under  the  protection  of  the  copy- 
right laws.  Multitudes  of  books  have  disappeared  from 

156 


SENATOR  PLATT,  OF  NF.W  YORK.  RECEIVES  A VISITOR  IN  THE  MARBLE  ROOM— SOME- 
TIMES CALLED  THE  ROOM  OF  THE  "MARBLE  HEART.” 

157 


AROUND  THE  CAPITAL. 


JUSTICE  EDWARDJ>.WH1T£. 


existence  owing  to  the  lack  of  a place  of  depjosit  in  the 
earlier  years.’" 

“Wall,  Harry,  I reckon  et  waz  a good  thing  they  did,” 
rejoined  the  old  man.  “All  them  worth  keepin’  hez  bin 
kept.  Et’s  a law  ov  nature — th’  survival  ov  th’  fittest.” 

“From  the  lack  of  care  in  this  respect,”  continued  Harrv, 
unmindful  of  his  uncle’s  facetious  remark,  “the  National 
Library  of  Great  Britain  has  for  a number  of  years  been 
buying  up  at  great  cost  the  pamphlets,  dramas  and  story 
folios  of  English  literature  of  past  ages  to  make  complete 
its  imperfect  collection.  The  Thomason  collection,  consist- 
ing of  some  twenty  odd  thousand  pieces,  covering  the 
Cromwellian  period  in  England,  was  purchased  by  the  King 
and  presented  to  the  British  Museum  Library,  and  it  was 
of  almost  inestimable  value  to  Thomas  Carlyle  when  he 
undertook  to  write  his  wonderful  work.  When  you  con- 
sider the  scope  of  this  library  I think  you  will  agree  with 
me  that  this  is  the  most  important  building  in  Washington, 
if  not  in  the  country.” 

“I  agree  with  ye,  Harry,”  responded  the  old  man. 
“Libraries  ez  important  institootions.  Andy  Carnegie  thinks 
so,  tew,  or  he  wouldn't  be  puttin’  sd  much  money  in  ’em.” 

“Now,  I propose  to  take  you  down  to  the  Reading  Room 
for  the  Blind,”  said  Harry,  as  they  passed  out  of  the  period- 
ical room  into  the  corridor.  Uncle  Hank  incidentally  ex- 
amined the  beautiful  decorative  paintings  as  they  walked 
along,  stopping  occasionally  to  examine  those  that  appealed 
to  his  taste. 


158 


ANDREW  CARNEGIE.  L.L.D.  (lavish  library  distributor),  who  believes  It  a great  disgrace 
to  die  rich.  This  sentiment  is,  however,  not  taken  seriously  by  his  old  associates  who 
are  earnest. y striving  to  be  disgraced. 


159 


AROUND  THE  CAPITAL. 


'Pi-  Ex  M c 

' ^J>f.  C.--^ 

J^OWCIUTODIAN  or  N ATL.CEMU. 


"Harry !”  he  suddenly  exclaimed,  “Eve  notised  thet  ev’ry 
one  ov  them  paintin’s  hez  th’  words  ‘copyrighted’  painted 
en  the  corner ; thet  shows  haow  much  smarter  aour  Ameri- 
can artists  air  then  them  old  masters  like  Michael  Angelo, 
Rubins,  Raphyel,  an’  thet  craowd — aour  artists  air  bizness 
men.”  And  the  old  man  grinned  at  the  thought. 

Soon  they  reached  the  room  in  the  basement  devoted  to 
the  “Blind  Library.”  Here  they  found  books  printed  in 
raised  letters  so  that  those  unfortunates  who  are  bereft 
of  sight  can  read  with  marvelous  facility  by  running  their 
sensitive  fingers  over  the  raised  letters.  There  was  also 
a number  of  periodicals  for  the  blind,  printed  in  a like 
manner.  Uncle  Hank  examined  these  works  with  extreme 
interest. 

“Even  th’  blind  air  made  tew  see  naow  days.  Et’s  a 
marvellus  age  we’re  livin’  en.  En  this  library,  naow  thet 
I’ve  heel  a good  look  et  et,  ez  a marvellus  affair,  an  ag’in’ 
brings  tew  mind  what  th’  great  Scotchman,  Thomas  Carlyle, 
sed:  ‘Th’  true  university  ez  a collection  ov  books.’  ” 


160 


at  PERRY'S  fountain-congressional  LIBRARY. 
161 


SENATOR  MORGAN  AND  HIS  INTIMATE  FRIEND,  SENATOR  McENERY  TAKING  A STROLL 
ON  PENNSYLVANIA  AVENUE. 

16a 


AROUND  THE  CAPITAL. 


CHAPTER  XIII. 


A WALK  UP  PENNSYLVANIA  AVENUE. 


I.L  roads  lead  to  Rome,"  was  a Roman  proverb.  A 
modern  rendition  of  that  sentiment,  as  applied  to 
Washington,  would  read : "All  trolley  cars  run 
ro  the  Capitol.”  No  matter  in  what  part  of  the 
city  you  may  happen  to  board  a trolley  car,  it  will  eventually 
land  you  at  the  majestic  Corinthian  edifice  on  Capitol  Hill, 
and  in  the  vicinity  of  Pennsylvania  Avenue. 

It  is  safe  to  say  that  no  person  ever  visited  the  city 
without  taking  a stroll  on  this  historic  avenue.  Wander 
as  you  will,  up  one  street  and  down  another,  you  will  find 
that  eventually  you  will  land  on  the  “Avenue.” 

The  streets  are  beautifully  puzzling  to  the  stranger,  who 
finds  it  exceedingly  difficult  to  disentangle  "northwest”  from 
“southwest” ; and  the  best  advice  in  such  a dilemma  is — to 
jump  on  a trolley  car  and  get  back  to  the  Capitol,  to  start 
all  over  again. 

Washingtonians  will  tell  you  that  the  system  of  dividing 
the  city  into  the  four  sections  of  the  compass  is  a beautiful 
one — when  you  understand  it ; but  the  difficulty  is  in  under- 
standing it. 

If  you  are  so  constituted  as  to  be  able  to  see  a joke  in 

163 


THE  OLD  BOOK  SHOP  ON  PENNSYLVANIA  AVE. 
(Opposite  the  Capitol.) 

1G4: 


AROUND  THE  CAPITAL. 

everything,  it  is  very  amusing  to  find  that  upon  arriving  in 
the  city,  and  wishing  to  locate  an  address  given  you,  and 
after  spending  considerable  time  in  reaching  the  street  and 
number,  you  discover  yourself  miles  from  your  destination 
because  you  failed  to  notice  the  talismanic  N.  W.  or  S.  W. 
attached  to  the  end  of  your  address.  If  you  are  humorously 
inclined  you  will  laugh  at  your  predicament — but  the  chances 
are  very  great  the  other  way. 

There  is  no  street  in  all  the  world  like  Pennsylvania 
Avenue.  It  is  so  wide  that  only  skyscrapers  on  both  sides 
could  give  it  a definite  sky  line.  On  a bright  morning  it 
affords  a most  entertaining  promenade,  with  its  liurrying 
crowd  bent  upon  reaching  the  Capitol  to  secure  points  of 
vantage  in  the  galleries  of  Congress,  or  to  meet  members 
In  the  committee  rooms,  or  perhaps  to  wander  aimlessly 
about  the  great  structure,  peering  into  its  numberless 
recesses  and  corridors,  and  admiring  its  grand  proportions 
and  its  historical  chambers  rich  in  reminiscence. 

Leaving  the  Capitol  grounds,  the  first  thing  to  catch 
the  eye  is  a quaint  old  second-hand  hook  store  on  the  right 
hand  side  of  the  street,  the  proprietor  of  which  stands  in 
his  cave  of  volumes  like  a hibernating  bear.  Here  you  wdll 
often  see  statesmen  stop  on  their  w'ay  to  the  Caiiitol  to 
examine  some  rare  book  which  has  accidentally  caught  the 
eye,  and  then  to  bargain  with  the  dealer  for  its  possession. 
But  if  the  volume  in  question  should  be  found  to  jiossess 
any  merit,  rest  assured  it  will  not  be  secured  without  a 
payment  fully  equal  to  its  value,  for,  however  unassuming 

1G5 


SENATOR  DANIELS  OP  VIRGINIA. 

166 


AROUND  THE  CAPITAL. 


the  old  bookdealer  may  seem,  lie  is  quite  an  adept  in  price- 
listing his  wares. 

Across  the  street  are  the  Botanical  Gardens,  where  the 
Congressman  and  his  lady  friends  frequently  stop  to  secure 
ll.e  charming  little  boutonnieres  with  which  to  adorn  a lapel 
or  a corsage  before  entering  the  Halls  of  Legislation  on  the 
Hill. 

It  will  be  noticed  that  this  part  of  the  avenue  looks  some- 
what run  down  at  the  heel.  Small  shops  with  cheap  signs 
abound.  Shoe-shining  “parlors,”  souvenir  stores,  five  cent 
barber  shops  and  three  cent  lunch  rooms  monopolize  this 
section.  A well  conducted  barber  shop  in  this  vicinity  gives 
a shave  for  a nickel  with  a "clean”  towel  to  every  customer. 
The  proprietor  explains  to  his  patrons  that  in  consequence 
of  a powerful  rival  in  the  Capitol — the  free  barber  shop  for 
Senators — he  is  forced  to  do  business  on  a five  cent  basis. 
(Another  glaring  example  of  monopoly  crushing  industry.) 

.\  little  further  along  the  street  is  the  “Official  Photog- 
rapher of  Washington,”  or  rather  the  photographer  of  the 
officials  at  Washington,  for  his  windows  seem  to  contain 
jwrtraits  of  all  the  notabilities  at  the  Capitol.  This  is  one 
of  the  places  where  the  new  member  gets  even  with  the 
old  members — for  his  picture,  it  will  be  observed,  is  just 
as  large  as  those  of  his  most  influential  colleagues.  Strangers 
in  the  city  never  pass  these  attractive  windows  without 
endeavoring  to  pick  out  their  respective  representatives  in 
Congress. 

We  now  come  to  the  National  Hotel,  at  the  corner  of 

167 


1 


UNCLE  HANK 


INTERVIEWS  SENATOR  PLATT. 


UNCLE  HANK— “Senator,  when  ye  put  ‘Teddy’  on  th’  shell,  ye  should  hev  selected  one  thet  waz  not  so 

nigh  tew  th’  Presidential  chair.” 


168 


AROUND  THE  CAPITAL. 


Sixth  Street,  the  resort  of  the  Southern  member  of  Congress 
and  his  many  friends.  On  the  opposite  corner,  across  the 
avenue,  is  another  equally  well  known  hotel — the  St.  James. 

Sixth  Street  at  this  point,  is  a sort  of  port  of  entry  for 
the  Capitol.  Crowds  of  travelers  are  constantly  passing 
in  both  directions,  for  closely  adjacent  is  the  Baltimore  and 
Potomac  depot,  which  is  the  Ll'nion  Station  of  the  Pennsyl- 
vania Railroad  system,  the  Chesapeake  and  Ohio,  the 
Southern  Railway,  the  Seaboard  Air  Line,  the  Atlantic  Coast 
Line,  and  the  Norfolk  and  Western. 

This  edifice  has  become  historic,  and  will  always  be  of 
interest  to  visitors  to  the  Capitol,  for  here  occurred  the 
assassination  of  President  Garfield.  The  assassin  watched 
from  a window  to  the  right  of  the  ladies’  entrance  for  the 
approach  of  the  President,  and,  standing  in  the  corner 
formed  by  the  vestibule  and  the  window,  fired  the  shot 
that  robbed  the  American  people  of  the  beloved  Garfield. 

The  President  fell  directly  in  front  of  the  door  in  the 
ladies’  waiting  room.  The  spot  is  marked  by  a small  brown 
stone  set  in  the  tiled  floor. 

Colored  j)orters  throng  about  the  entrance  to  this  depot, 
importuning  travelers,  and  a picturesque  lot  they  are,  clad 
in  all  sorts  of  cast-off  raiment.  The  Washington  negro  is 
in  a class  by  himself — light-hearted  and  good-natured, 
shooting  craps  when  there  are  no  customers  in  sight,  or 
shrilly  whistling  some  ragtime  ditty.  They  freely  call  each 
other  “nigger,”  and  if  they  ever  disagree,  never  come  to 
blows  in  their  quarrels.  ” 


NX 


M.C 


109 


AROUND  THE  CAPITAL. 


As  one  walks  up  the  avenue  from  this  point  a multitude 
of  signs  designating  cut-rate  ticket  offices  are  noticed. 

A skylarking  Congressman  one  night  removed  one  of 
these  signs  and  placed  it  carefully  in  front  of  one  of  the 
five  cent  barber  shops  in  the  vicinity,  to  the  great  detriment 
to  the  business  of  the  aforesaid  barber  shop,  whose  customers 
hesitated  at  taking  chances  in  a tonsorial  establishment 
where  cut  rates  were  in  vogue. 

On  reaching  Seventh  Street  a procession  of  heavily  laden 
boarding-house  keepers  will  usually  be  seen  coming  from 
Center  Market,  formerly  called  the  Old  Marsh  IMarket,  the 
ground  here  once  having  been  a marsh  or  bog.  Many 
famous  men  have  come  here  in  person  to  do  their  marketing, 
among  the  more  notable  are  mentioned  the  names  of  Daniel 
Webster,  Chief  Justice  Marshall  and  Williaui  Henry  Harri- 
son— but  times  have  changed  w'onderfully  since  then. 
Imagine,  if  you  can,  Secretary  Root,  Marcus  Alonzo  Hanna, 
or  Chief  Justice  Fuller  wandering  through  the  Market 
House  looking  for  bargains  in  scrapple,  or  sampling  choice 
print  butter,  or  poking  a forefinger  into  a sirloin  steak  to 
test  its  tenderness. 

A large  open  square  is  here  formed  by  the  intersection 
of  Louisiana  Avenue,  where  is  afforded  the  first  glimpse 
of  the  Washington  Monument  half  a mile  away  to  the 
southwest,  its  long  white  shaft  piercing  the  sky  like  a tireless 
sentinel.  The  Hancock  Statue  adorns  this  square,  to  the 
right  of  which  is  to  be  found  a number  of  department 
stores, 


170 


ROIES  TENROSE.  Se^alo^  from  Pennsylvania,  Is  one  of  Papa  Quay's  favorite  little  boies, 
or  boys,  as  it  is  uaually  spollefl  outside  of  Philadelphia,  He  is  a very  obedient  son, 
always  obeying  his  papa  without  question  as  a dutiful  child  should. 


ITl 


AROUND  THE  CAPITAL. 

Passing  along  this  square  may  be  seen  coming  from 
the  market  place  every  conceivable  style  of  ramshackle 
vehicle  known  to  the  farmers  of  the  adjacent  country — 
conveyances  that  look  as  if  they  were  about  to  tumble  to 
pieces  in  the  street,  but  withal,  very  picturesque.  Many  a 
fine  old  barouche  or  family  carriage,  that  in  ante-bellum 
days  was  the  aristocratic  means  of  conveyance  from  the  old 
plantation  to  church  on  Sabbath  Day,  is  now  doing  service 
for  some  truck  farmer,  enabling  him  to  conveniently  trans- 
port his  garden  “sass”  to  market. 

Just  beyond  the  market  house  stands  a little  theatre  de- 
voted to  vaudeville.  This  place  of  amusement  is  usually 
well  patronized,  as  time  often  hangs  heavily  on  the  hands 
of  the  Congressman  after  nightfall,  and  as  smoking  is 
allowed  during  the  entertainment,  it  is  very  popular  with 
the  masculine  element,  which  seems  to  predominate  in  this 
city  of  lawmakers. 

In  crossing  Eighth  Street,  to  the  right  will  be  noticed,  a 
couple  of  blocks  distant,  the  white  pillars  of  the  old  Post 
Office  building,  which  is  now  an  annex  to  the  Interior 
Department. 

Nearing  Tenth  Street  you  will  come  within  sight  of  the 
Salvation  Army  building.  Whenever  you  see  a building 
devoted  to  the  uses  of  the  Salvation  Army,  rest  assured 
you  will  also  find  in  the  same  locality  all  sorts  of  question- 
able resorts,  which  undoubtedly  need  its  purifying  influ- 
ences ; and  here,  clustered  about,  are  to  be  found  pool  rooms, 
gambling  resorts,  burlesque  variety  shows,  and  the  like. 

172 


The  Norwegians  and  Swedes  who  have  settled  in  Minnesota  swear  by  their  little  Senator. 
KNTTE  NELSON,  who  was  born  in  Norway, 

CHARLES  HENRY  DIETRICH,  Senator  from  Nebraska.  Is  also  the  staunch  friend  of  the 
same  class,  as  well  as  of  the  Germans  in  his  State.  Although  a great  german  leader 
he  Is  no  society  man. 


173 


AROUND  THE  CAPITAL. 


1 


The  Lyceum  Theatre  is  on  this  block,  and  here  nightly 
can  be  seen  peroxide  blonde  burlesque  troupes  in  astonishing 
displays  of  female  nether  extremities.  It  is  quite  needless 
to  state  that  this  place  of  amusement  is  also  well  patronized. 

Harvey’s  famous  oyster  and  chop  house,  a great  resort 
for  gentlemen  with  sporting  proclivities,  adjoins  this 
theatre  on  the  corner.  Directly  opposite  is  the  beautiful 
building  of  the  Post  Office  Department,  to  the  rear  of 
which  is  located  Washington’s  “red  light”  district.  At  night 
the  streets  in  this  locality  are  conveniently  dark — possibly 
to  enable  “statesmen”  to  prowl  about  without  too  much 
publicity. 

Crossing  the  avenue  at  Eleventh  Street  you  will  come  to 
the  handsome  home  of  “The  Evening  Star.” 

At  the  lower  end  of  this  open  square  can  be  seen  the 
Franklin  Statue,  and  right  back  of  it  “The  Times”  build- 
ing, the  home  of  Stilson  Hutchins’  newspaper,  which  was 
recently  purchased  by  Frank  A.  Munsey. 

A close  scrutiny  would  now  disclose  the  fact  that  a de- 
cided change  had  come  over  the  character  of  this  famous 
avenue.  The  stores  present  a more  prosperous  appearance 
— “barber  shops”  are  no  longer  to  be  seen — but  “tonsorial 
palaces”  abound.  The  “saloon”  has  given  place  to  the  more 
pretentious  “cafe,”  which  much  abused  word  is  usually  used 
to  designate  drinking  places  where  everything  in  the  drink- 
ing line  is  dispensed  to  the  thirsty,  but — coffee. 

No  greater  evidence  of  the  improvement  in  the  character 
of  the  avenue  can  be  adduced  than  in  contrasting  the  frowsy 

174 


- 


COLORED  ARISTOCRACY. 

"Be  eullud  folks  am  bon-ton  sense  Hookah  Wash  n'ton  dined  at  de  White  House. 


175 


AROUND  THE  CAPITAL. 


old  second-hand  book  store  opposite  the  Capitol  with  the 
elegant  “book  shop”  of  Brentano’s,  on  the  corner  of 
Eleventh  Street.  Here  yon  will  find  the  true  lover  of  books 
(and  every  true  statesman  is  to  be  found  in  this  category), 
browsing  among  the  stacks  of  newly  issued  volumes. 

The  elegant  Raleigh  Hotel  now  claims  attention.  If  the 
fastidious  “Sir  Walter”  were  living  he  would  be  astonished 
at  the  elegance  of  this  “Inn”  which  bears  his  famous  name. 

Midway  on  the  next  block  is  Hancock’s  old  restaurant, 
established  in  1840.  The  “oldest  inhabitant"  never  tires  of 
telling  of  the  great  men  who  have  partaken  of  the  wonderful 
meals  of  this  well-seasoned  old  chop  house. 

On  Thirteenth  Street’s  corner  the  Southern  Railway 
Company  has  erected  a handsome  office  building,  which  is  a 
credit  to  the  avenue  and  J.  Pierpont  Morgan,  the  great 
organizer,  as  well. 

Another  open  square  now  intervenes.  These  open  squares 
are  a regular  thing  in  Washington,  and  sometimes  lead 
strangers  to  suspect  that  the  city  is  a wide  open  town. 
Such  is,  however,  not  the  case.  The  only  things  allowed 
to  remain  wide  open  being  the  Capitol  restaurant  and 
visitors’  pocketbooks. 

A conspicuous  feature  of  this  open  square  is  the  hand- 
some edifice  of  the  new  National  Theatre,  one  of  the  city’s 
finest  amusement  enterprises ; although  the  Capital  City  is 
not  known  very  favorably  as  a theatrical  town ; possibly 
because  of  the  many  counter  attractions  present,  as  Con- 
gress is  a sort  of  continuous  circus-performance  most  of 

176 


AROUND  THE  CAPITAL. 


the  time ; and  as  society  takes  up  where  Congress  leaves 
off,  it  can  readily  be  seen  that  legitimate  amusement  enter- 
prises are  seriously  handicapped. 

Closely  adjacent  to  the  theatre  is  the  “Washington  Post" 
building.  Strangers  asking  to  be  directed  to  the  Post  Office 
are  frequently  directed  to  this  building. 

The  next  corner  is  occupied  by  the  magnificent  two  mil- 
lion dollar  New  Willard  Hotel,  the  finest  in  Washington. 
It  justly  rates  very  high  in  the  esteem  of  its  patrons,  and 
as  a natural  consequence  its  rates  are  correspondingly  high. 

Our  readers  knowing  full  well  the  thrifty  character  of  the 
Yankee  farmer,  Uncle  Hank,  might  be  astonished  at  being 
told  that  he  stopped  at  the  New  Willard ; Init  such  is  the 
fact — he  stopped  to  admire  the  beautiful  structure  that  cost 
such  a huge  fortune  to  build. 

The  flaidng  bill-boards  on  the  opposite  side  of  the  avenue 
proclaim  Chase's  Family  Vaudeville  Theatre  a model  of 
its  kind,  which  is  undoubtedly  the  fact;  and,  as  a result,  is 
very  popular. 

The  Treasury  Building  now  looms  up,  apparently  ending 
the  avenue.  This  edifice,  which  appropriately  typifies  the 
prevailing  American  worship  of  money,  is  constructed  in 
the  lonic-Greek  style  of  temple.  It  is  second  only  to  the 
Capitol  itself  in  architectural  importance.  The  architect, 
Robert  Mills,  wished  to  have  the  building  erected  on  grounds 
commensurate  wdth  its  importance,  instead  of  obstructing 
the  thoroughfare,  but  President  Jackson — so  the  story  goes 
— impatient  at  the  delay  in  selecting  a suitable  site,  finally 

178 


SENATOR  SPOONER  RECEIVING 


CONGRATULATIONS  AT  THE  CONCLUSION  OF  HIS  GR-.Ai 
SPEECH. 

179 


AROUND  THE  CAPITAL. 


'}•  tJ/jS.  LAr^CM^  M C. 


/✓«  V". 


stuck  his  cane  in  the  ground  one  day,  and  exclaimed,  “Build 
it  here !”  And  so  it  was  built. 

The  result  is  that  all  traffic  is  turned  to  the  north  at  this 
point. 

Just  in  the  rear  of  the  Treasury  Building  stands  the 
pedestal  of  what  is  to  be  the  Sherman  statue — that  much 
“cussed”  and  discussed  work,  which  artists  claim  was 
awarded  solely  through  political  influence,  and  without 
properly  considering  the  designs  submitted  by  the  committee 
of  artists  selected  to  Construct  the  statue. 

Turning  the  corner  of  Fifteenth  Street,  F Street,  the  fash- 
ionable shopping  thoroughfare,  is  next  reached.  A glance 
at  this  thoroughfare,  with  its  sidewalks  crowded  with  hand- 
somely gowned  women  and  its  myriads  of  elegant  equipages, 
will  soon  convince  one  that  Washington  is  a wealthy  city. 
There  is  no  truer  test  of  the  affluence  of  a city’s  people 
than  is  afforded  by  an  inspection  of  its  principal  shopping 
thoroughfare. 

The  famous  Riggs  Blouse  occupies  the  next  corner.  This 
notable  hostelry  has  long  been  endeared  to  visitors  to  the 
Capitol,  its  “registers”  containing  the  names  of  the  most 
prominent  men  in  the  country  for  many  years  past. 

Pennsylvania  Avenue  is  now  again  reached,  and  the 
White  House  is  to  be  seen  in  the  distance.  Walking  along 
the  broad  pavement  in  front  of  the  Treasury  Building,  the 
stately  edifice  of  the  State,  War  and  Navy  building  is  next 
encountered.  This  is  the  largest  and  most  magnificent  office 
building  in  the  world. 


ISO 


AROUND  THE  CAPITAL. 


M I CH 


M.C, 


Lafayette  Park,  with  its  Lafayette  statue  at  one  corner 
and  the  newly  erected  Rochambeau  statue  at  the  other,  is 
just  opposite.  Through  the  trees  can  be  discerned  the 
“Arlington,”  one  of  Washington’s  best  hotels;  the  scene  of 
many  of  the  “swellest”  entertainments  given  during  the 
“session.” 

The  White  House  is  now  reached — just  step  inside  and 
pay  your  respects  to  the  President,  who  will  be  glad  to  see 
you — provided  you  are  not  an  office-seeker. 


182 


AROUND  THE  CAPITAL. 


CHAPTER  XIV. 

INAUGURATION  DAY. 

CHE  day  of  days  in  Washington  is  Inauguration  Day. 

When  a new  President  is  to  be  installed ; a new 
regime  to  be  established  ; new  faces  and  new  factors 
to  be  introduced,  and  often  a complete  change  to 
take  place  in  the  personnel  of  the  Administration,  then 
Washington  puts  on  its  best  “bib  and  tucker"  to  greet  the 
occasion  as  it  fitly  deserves. 

About  the  first  day  of  March  the  well-to-do  jieople  '’om- 
nience  to  pour  in,  endeavoring  to  get  ahead  of  the  delega- 
tions. On  the  second  day  their  majesties — the  People — 
begin  to  put  in  an  appearance — about  thirty  thousand  of 
them.  The  next  day  about  seventy  thousand  will  choke  the 
railway  stations  till  well  past  midnight.  The  morning  of 
Inauguration  Day  will  find  them  coming — coming — coming. 
The  streets  are  now  thronged.  The  souvenir  peddlers  are 
doing  a “land  office”  business  (as  they  say  in  the  West). 
The  hotel  corridors  are  crowded  with  men  who  look  like 
statesmen — or  what  we  imagine  statesmen  should  look  like. 

The  Governor  of  a big  State  gives  a reception  to  the  vis- 
itors from  his  State.  The  Congressional  delegation  from  his 
State  attend  in  a body,  and  also  the  political  “Boss,"  who 

18.3 


AROUND  THE  CAPITAL. 


1 


holds  the  political  destinies  of  the  aforesaid  Governor  in  the 
palm  of  his  hand.  The  “Boss"  wears  an  expansive  smile. 
He  has  just  landed  one  of  his  henchmen  in  a snug  cabinet 
position  under  the  incoming  Administration. 

As  is  usually  the  case  in  Washington  City  on  Inauguration 
Day — it  is  raining.  But  the  rain  does  not  last  long.  It 
clears  away  in  the  middle  of  the  forenoon,  and  umbrellas 
are  carefully  folded  up  and  used  as  canes. 

Pennsylvania  Avenue  is  jammed  with  people  moving  to- 
wards the  Capitol.  The  “Avenue,”  as  it  is  called  by  Wash- 
ingtonians, does  not  lend  itself  very  readily  to  decoration. 
Its  private  buildings  are  insignificant  and  the  great  width 
of  the  thoroughfare  tends  to  make  them  appear  more  so. 
The  public  buildings  are  magnificent,  notably  the  graml 
Treasury  building — the  finest  model  of  modern  Greek 
architecture  in  the  world.  But  its  noble  Doric  pillars  are 
never  successfully  decorated  with  cheap  bunting.  The 
State,  War  and  Navy  building,  being  of  the  Renaissance 
style,  lends  itself  somewhat  better  to  the  decorator’s  art. 

Vast  numbers  of  gaily  decorated  stands  line  the  avenue. 
It  is  scarcely  ten  o’clock  and  they  are  already  filled ; like- 
wise all  the  windows  along  the  line  of  march.  At  ten- 
thirty  an  automobile  rolls  into  the  White  House  grounds 
and  arriving  at  the  entrance  of  the  Executive  Mansion,  a 
well-known  Senator  steps  out  and  hurries  within,  followed 
by  several  well-known  statesmen.  Shortly  after  an  impos- 
ing pair  of  closely-clipped  bay  horses  appear.  Inside  is  the 
President-elect,  accompanied  by  a rotund  Senator  and  a 

184 


\Ai\l  Tir*(i  Fahc  Chinese  minister  sec.  5fM0«  D.M.  p£  AXPlRoZ- 

At^BAiSAOo^’ 


THE  CHINESE  EMBASSY. 


AROUND  THE  CAPITAL. 


M.?. 


F.C . TATE.  N[.C, 
<a  At 


State  Governor.  Also  a well-groomed  gentleman  who  ap- 
pears to  be  a stranger  to  all  but  the  President-elect.  He 
knows  him  to  be  a secret  service  detective. 

The  party  at  once  proceeds  to  the  Blue  Room,  where  they 
are  greeted  by  the  President. 

The  President’s  landau,  with  four  gaily  caparisoned 
horses,  soon  draws  up  before  the  door. 

The  President,  according  to  custom,  enters  the  carriage 
first  and  takes  the  place  of  honor,  followed  immediately  by 
the  President-elect. 

At  eleven-thirty  the  Presidential  party  arrives  at  the  Cap- 
itol, the  great  bronze  doors  are  opened  to  permit  the  entrance 
of  the  President,  his  successor  and  their  escort.  As  they 
enter  the  Senate  Chamber  the  entire  audience  in  the  galleries 
and  on  the  floor  arise  and  remain  standing.  The  scene  is  one 
calculated  to  impress.  The  Senate  Chamber,  flooded  with 
softened  sunlight  that  comes  through  the  ground  glass  roof 
above,  the  dignifled  officers  of  state  in  their  respective  places, 
the  diplomatic  corps,  resplendent  in  their  showy  uniforms, 
the  eager  and  expectant  assemblage,  all  tend  to  make  the 
occasion  one  of  more  than  ordinary  impressiveness. 

The  ceremonies  are  brief  but  dignified.  The  President’s 
address  is  most  felicitous,  while  that  of  the  President-elect 
is  singularly  happy. 

After  the  Chaplain  concludes  his  invocation,  the  throng 
of  officials,  preceded  by  the  Supreme  Court  in  an  array  of 
silken  robes,  observing  the  customary  rules  of  precedence, 

186 


EDMUND  WINSTON  PETTUS,  the  venerable  Senator  from  Alabama,  is  the  patriarch  of  the 
Democratic  side  of  the  Senate  Chamber.  Born  in  1821,  he  has  been  a distinguished  war- 
rior nearly  all  his  long  life:  serving  with  valor  io  tlio  Mexican  War,  tho  Civil 

War,  and  the  war  on  the  Administration. 


187 


1 


AROUND  THE  CAPITAL. 

file  out  into  the  corridor,  thence  to  the  rotunda  and  to  the 
Presidential  stand. 

The  President,  the  President  that  is  to  be,  and  the  Chief 
Justice  of  the  Supreme  Court  occupy  the  center  of  the  stand, 
facing  the  vast  multitude  which  stands  looking  towards  the 
Capitol,  eager  with  expectancy. 

A Bible  is  handed  to  the  Chief  Justice,  who,  in  a clear, 
ringing  voice,  administers  the  oath  of  office  to  the  new  Pres- 
ident. A salvo  of  cheers  mingled  with  the  roar  of  cannon 
follows,  during  which  the  new  President  advances  to  the 
rail  and  commences  the  delivery  of  his  inaugural  address, 
after  which  the  President  and  the  ex-President  enter  their 
carriage  and  the  parade  to  the  White  House  begins.  Cheer 
after  cheer  greets  the  new  Executive  as  the  procession 
slowly  makes  its  way  up  Pennsylvania  Avenue. 

“The  King  is  Dead — Long  Live  the  King!”  is  the  senti-  ; 
ment,  though  the  words  used  are  more  fitting  to  express  the  ' 
exuberance  of  patriotism  of  the  hordes  of  free-born  Amer-  ; 
ican  citizens  that  greet  their  choice  of  a ruler  as  he  passes  | 
triumphantly  on  his  way  to  the  White  House.  j 

After  a grand  display  of  fireworks  on  the  White  Lot,  '• 
during  which  the  Government  buildings  are  illuminated,  : 
cannon  salutes  fired  and  patriotic  airs  are  played  by  the 
bands,  the  Presidential  party  proceeds  to  the  Pension  build-  ' 
ing,  where  the  Inaugural  Ball  is  in  progress.  Escorted  by  , 
the  Chairman  of  the  Ball  Committee,  the  party  makes  a tour 
of  the  immense  hall.  Here  the  utmost  enthusiasm  prevails. 
Everyone  is  eager  to  see  the  new  President,  and  a general 

188 


189 


AROUND  THE  CAPITAL. 


hand-shaking  takes  place.  After  undergoing  this  ordeal  he 
realizes  for  the  first  time  what  is  in  store  for  him  for  the 
next  four  years. 

About  midnight  the  Presidential  party  leaves  the  hall, 
leaving  the  revelers  to  continue  their  revelries,  which  they 
do  until  the  wee  small  hours  of  morning. 

It  is  generally  dawn  of  the  next  day  and  the  sharp  point 
of  the' Washington  Monument  is  tipped  with  the  gold  of  the 
rising  sun  when  the  last  carriage  is  called  and  Washington’s 
big  spree  is  over,  till  another  four  years  have  rolled  around. 

Aivakc!  for  Morning  in  the  Bowl  of  Night 

Has  hung  the  Stone  that  puts  the  Stars  to  Flight; 

And  Lo!  the  Hunter  of  the  East  has  caught 
The  Sultan’s  Turret  in  a Noose  of  Light. 

— Omar  Khayyam. 


190 


AROUND  THE  CAPITAL 


CHAPTER  XV. 


UNCLE  HANK  GETS  SIIAVEU  IN  THE  SENATE  BARBER  SHOP. 

TSWAN  tew  goodness,  I never  see  sech  a lot  of  rooms 
with  funny  names!”  exclaimed  Uncle  Hank,  as  he 
wandered  through  the  corridors  in  the  basement  of 
the  Capitol.  “Stationery  Room  ! — wall,  et  looks  sta- 
tionary enutf ; I don’t  reckon  et’s  goin’  tew  move  off  with  th’ 
weight  ov  this  big  buildin’  on  top  ov  et.  En  look  et  thet — 
Foreign  Relashuns ! — th’  idee  ov  settin’  off  a leetle  room  like 
thet  tew  receive  furrin  relashuns ! Ef  sum  ov  Uncle  Sam’s 
furrin  relashuns  shud  visit  him, — ’Zar  ov  Rooshy,  fur  in- 
stance— et’d  be  a disgrace  tew  put  him  en  a room  like  thet. 
Thar’s  anuther — -Five  Civilized  Tribes  ov  Injuns! — didn’t 
know  thar  waz  eny.  Gineral  Sheridan  sed  th’  only  good 
Injun  waz  a (led  Injun,  an’  I s’posed  thet  waz  th’  only  way 
th’  Gov’mint  bed  ov  civilizin’  ’em.” 

A little  further  down  the  corridor  his  eye  caught  another 
sign  attached  to  a door.  “Relashuns  with  Canady,”  he 
read.  “We  hev  a lot  ov  relashuns  with  Canady,  but  ther 
mostly  runaway  bank  officers  an’  defaulters,  an’  I can’t  see 
what  good  thet  room  ez.  What’s  this?”  he  exclaimed. 

Pertecshun  ov  Game!  Thet  room  ought  tew  he  over  in 
Noo  York.  Thar’s  whar  ther  pertectin’  games  right  along.” 

191 


AROUND  THE  CAPITAL. 


1 


OHIO, 


M.C 


And  so  he  rattled  on  as  he  walked  along.  Finally,  coming 
to  a large,  conspicuous  room  with  a prominent  gilt  sign  over 
the  door  he  readjusted  his  glasses  as  he  read,  “Invalid  Pen- 
shuns  ! They  ain’t  no  sech  a thing ! Et’s  th’  healthiest  de- 
partment under  th’  Gov’mint,  an’  I don’t  believe  ther’s  a 
single  penshun  thet’s  an  envalid.  Th’  sooner  they  abolish 
thet  room  th’  better.’’ 

The  old  man  was  in  a facetious  mood,  and  as  he  passed 
down  the  passage-way  he  saw  only  its  humorous  side. 
Finally  he  reached  the  Senatorial  Barber  Shop,  where  Ihicle 
Sam  has  provided  free  shaves  for  his  law-makers. 

This  Senatorial  tonsorial  establishment  is  a very  e.xclusive 
affair.  Its  “artists”  receive  salaries  of  one  thousand  dollars 
per  year  each,  and  the  Government  furnishes  the  shaving 
materials — razors,  strops,  bay  rum,  soap,  powder  and  witch- 
hazel — in  fact,  everything  that  is  required  in  a first-class 
tonsorial  establishment. 

Uncle  Hank  did  not  know  of  its  exclusive  character  when 
he  arrived  at  its  door,  and,  passing  his  hand  over  his  stubby 
chin,  suddenly  concluded  he  needed  a shave. 

Walking  boldly  in  with  a self-satisfied  air  of  assurance 
he  proceeded  to  divest  himself  of  his  hat  and  coat  and 
plumped  himself  into  an  empty  chair,  ready  for  the  more  or 
less  pleasant  operation  of  shaving. 

The  ebony-hued  barber  who  at  first  appeared  undecided 
as  to  the  identity  of  this  particular  “Senator,”  upon  witness- 
ing the  complacency  and  self-assurance  of  the  old  man,  con- 
cluded that  this  “Senator”  was  one  of  the  new  batch  that 

192 


I 


SENATM  T,»»*S  COEE.EB  PLATT^  EW.»> 

“CS.Sn,r'irvrz:=:%™ 

;irrrA'"“:r  on... ...  -».« 

rolled  oft  at  the  first  opportunity. 


103 


AROUND  THE  CAPITA! 


had  just  arrived  out  of  the  far  Northwest.  The  other  bar- 
bers were  too  busy  with  their  respective  tasks  to  notice  the 
new  arrival,  and  if  they  had  they  wotd  J mos  hkely  have 
come  to  the  same  conclusion  that  Uncle  1 tank’s  barber  had— 
that  the  old  man  was  one  of  the  newly  ele>_ud  lot  and  hafl 
come  in  for  his  first  shave. 

“Gwine  ter  hab  a busy  sesshun,  ben'tor?”  remarked  the 
barber  for  a feeler,  as  he  tucked  the  towel  close  between  the 
neckband  of  the  old  man’s  shirt  and  his  neck. 

“I’m  lookin’  fer  a lively  sesshun  an’  a long  one,’’  replied 
the  old  man,  grinning  at  the  title  of  “Senator.'’ 

“These  Washin’ton  folks  ez  very  free  with  titles,”  he 
thought  to  himself. 

“Sen’tor,  did  yo  git  on  to  any  ob  dem  good  committees?” 
pursued  the  barber,  accidentally  jabbing  the  lather  brush  in 
the  old  man’s  mouth  as  he  opened  it  to  reply. 

“Oh,  yas,”  replied  the  Yankee,  after  good  naairedly  clear- 
ing his  mouth  of  the  lather.  “I  got  on  cew  ’em  all  right ! 
They’re  th’  funniest  lot  I ever  see.’’  And  he  grinned  from 
ear  to  ear  at  the  memory  of  the  names  he  iiad  seen  on  the 
committee  room  doors. 

“Got  much  ’quainted  wid  de  Sen’tors  it?”  queried  the 
barber,  who  was  very  loquacious,  afte;  Jie  manner  of  bar- 
bers in  general. 

“Oh,  yas;  I’ve  met  a few.  Hed  a talk  with  Mark  Hanna 
tother  day.” 

“Haid  Sen’tor  frum  Souf  Carliny  in  dis  mo’nin’  ?” 

“Tillman?” 


194 


HENRY  CABOT  LODGE,  Senator  and  Scholar  from  Massachusetts.  An  acknowledged  mas- 
ter of  lodge-ic  in  debate.  Coming  from  Boston  he  is  naturally  a very  highly  educated 
man.  Can  recite  the  History  of  the  Tnited  States  backwards.  His  speeches  are  models 
of  erudition,  fairly  bristling  with  classical  allusions  that  drive  his  opponents  to  despair 
and  the  Senate  restaurant. 


195 


AROUND  THE  CAPITAL. 


“No,  sah — McLa’rin — fixed  him  up  aftah  dat  scrap  wid 
Tillman — gits  in  mah  cheer  ebery  mo’nin’  now.’’  And  the 
talkative  darky  started  in  to  give  the  new  “Senator”  (as  he 
regarded  Uncle  Hank)  a detailed  account  of  his  familiarity 
with  the  great  men  of  the  Senate.  “Now,  dar’s  Sen’tor 
Bacon,”  continued  he,  “hit  doan  take  long  t’  cut  his  har — cos 
he  hain’t  got  much  ha’r  to  cut — yah — yah  !”  And  he  laughed 
as  he  made  this  allusion  to  the  Senator’s  bald  bead. 

“Wall,  when  yew  come  tew  consider,”  replied  the  old  man, 
“baldness  ez  a merciful  dispensasbun  ov  Proverdence  thel 
lessens  th’  number  ov  gray  hairs  thet  cum  with  increasin’ 
age.” 

“Den  Proverdens  am  berry  merciful  to  Sen’tor  Bacon, 
fer  I nebber  see  sech  a bald  baid,”  retorted  the  black  knight 
of  the  razor. 

“Sum  ov  them  Senitors  don’t  hev  much  shavin’,  I reckon.” 
remarked  the  old  man  as  the  barber  left  his  chin  for  a mo- 
ment to  strop  his  razor.  “Thar’s  Senitor  Allison,  fer 
instance.” 

“I  use  ter  shave  his  upper  lip,  but  now  he  lets  he’s  mustash 
grow  an’  he  nebber  cums  in  ’ceptin’  when  he  wants  er  ha’r- 
cut,”  replied  the  barber  as  he  proceeded  to  strop  the  razor 
again. 

“Powerful  stiff  beard,  sah!”  exclaimed  he,  as  he  again 
tackled  the  bristles  on  the  old  man’s  chin. 

“I  reckon  they  be  rayther  stiff  on  th’  upper  lip — ye  see 
I’ve  kep’  rayther  a stiff  upper  lip  all  my  life,  an’  I reckon 


196 


OkV'ILLE  H.  PLATT.  Senator  from  Connecticut,  the  State  made  famous  by  the  Ingenious 
manufacture  of  wooden  nutmegs-the  originai  "Conn  game.”  The  Senator  is  no  reiative  of 
hL  namesake  from  New  York-he  is  a greater  statesman. 

197 


ARUUND  TilE  CAPITAL. 


et’s  stiffened  th’  beard  tew.”  And  his  jaw  so  suddenly  ex- 
panded into  a grin  that  Lhe  barber’s  razor  cut  his  chin. 

“Thar,  naow  !”  exclaimed  the  old  man,  “ther  razor  ketched 
me  thet  time ; 'tain’t  th’  fust  time  a man's  got  en  trouble  by 
not  holdin’  his  jaw.” 

“Dat's  jes  whad  I thot  when  dat  Sen’tor  McLa’rin  cum  in 
h'yar  aftah  dat  scrap  wid  Tillman,”  replied  the  dusky  bar- 
ber  as  he  flourished  the  razor  in  dangerous  proximity  to  the 
old  man’s  nose.  He  had  now  completed  his  great  task  of 
removing  the  stubble  and  there  was  but  one  more  operation 
needed  to  complete  the  job.  Reaching  for  the  witch-hazel 
bottle  he  drenched  his  victim  in  the  peculiar  smelling  liquid, 
then  having,  by  a vigorous  use  of  the  towel,  dried  his  face, 
with  a dab  of  powder  on  his  chin  and  the  tip  of  his  nose,  he 
was  told  to  sit  up.  This  gave  the  old  man  a chance  to  look 
around  and  when  he  did  so  he  observed  that  the  other  chairs 
were  empty. 

“Sen’tor,  yo’ll  be  lait  for  de  sesshun  ef  yo’  doan  hurry.” 
remarked  one  of  the  other  barbers. 

“Wall,  I reckon  they  kin  run  th’  Senit  ’thout  yer  Uncle 
Hank,”  replied  the  old  man  thinking  he  had  detected  a 
little  joke  at  his  expense. 

“Unkel  Hank ! !”  exclaimed  the  barbers  in  chorus.  “Den 
yo’  ain’t  no  Sen’tor?”  demanded  his  shaver  as  he  whipped 
the  towel  off  his  customer. 

“Never  sed  I waz !”  replied  the  old  man  as  he  drew  on 
his  coat.  “I  thought  this  waz  a publik  barber  shop.  Haow 
much  dew  I owe  ye?” 


198 


ilEPRESfSNTATIVR  COL'SINI.  SEXATOR  Ct^LLOM  AXT>  REPnESENTATIVE  LITTLEFIELD.  LEAVINCI 

THE  CAPITOL. 


T 


AROUND  THE  CAPITAL. 

“Yo’  owe  nothin’  but  a’  apology,  sah !”  indignantly  replied 
the  barber. 

“Durn  ef  I’ll  pay  sech  a high  price  fer  a shave,”  be  ex- 
claimed as  he  strode  from  the  shop.  As  he  walked  down 
the  corridor  rubbing  his  hand  over  his  nicely  shaved  chin 
he  laughed  again  and  again  at  the  thought  of  being  taken 
for  a United  States  Senator  in  the  most  exclusive  barber 
shop  in  the  country. 


200 


AROUND  THE  CAPITAL. 


CHAPTER  XVI. 

THE  PENSION  BUILDING. 

THAIN’T  gwine  no  furder.” 

“Wha's  d’  niattah  wid  yo'?” 

“I  hain’t  gwine  ter  be  no  voucher.’ 

“Yo’  promis’  dat  lawyer  yo'd  vouch  fo’  me !’’ 

“Yes,  niggah,  i know  I did,  hut  ef  yo  cud  read  dat  sine 
yo’d  see  why  I kain’t  he  no  voucher.” 

“I  kin  read,  niggah.” 

“Well,  read  dat  sine,  den.” 

“I  hain’t  got  mah  glasses. 

“Xiggah,  vou  kain  t read,  dat  s a fac  ; else  yo  read  on 
dat  sine  P-E-X-S-I-O-N — penshun,  V-O-U-C-H-E-R-S 
vouchers,  E-X-E-C-U-T-E-D,  ex’cuted ! Heah  dat,  nig- 
gah? Penshun,  vouchers,  ex’cuted!  1 hain’l  gwine  t’ run 
no  risk  bein’  ex’cuted  fo’  bein’  a voucher  fo’  dat  measly 
penshun.” 

The  speakers  were  two  picturesque  specimens  of  sable 
humanity  standing  in  front  of  a Pension  Agent's  window, 
in  which  hung  suspended  a large  sign  with  the  announce- 
ment as  deciphered  by  the  more  learned  of  the  pair. 

While  this  animated  debate  was  in  progress  Uncle  Hank 


jurned  the  corner  of  the  block  on  his  way  to  the  Pension 


201 


AROUND  THE  CAPITAL. 


building.  As  he  approached  the  disputants  they  instinct- 
ively appealed  to  him  for  information  respecting  the  omi- 
nous sign. 

“Marsa,”  exclaimed  the  elder  of  the  pair,  bowing  very 
low,  with  his  old,  tattered  hat  in  his  hand,  "kin  ye  tole  us 
what  dat  sine  means?” 

“Why,  sartinly,”  replied  Uncle  Hank,  taking  in  the  situa- 
tion at  a glance.  “Et  means  thet  they'll  hang  ye  ef  ye  don't 
tell  th'  truth  when  ye  'pply  fer  a penshun.” 

The  two  old  darkies  looked  significantly  at  one  another 
for  a minute,  then  the  elder,  after  scratching  the  bald  spot 
on  his  head,  blurted  out : 

"Fo’  de  Lawd,  I done  told  no  lies!” 

“ 'Stonishin’  what  simple  minded  folks  them  colored  people 
air,”  soliloquized  the  old  man  as  he  walked  along  to  the  big 
brick  structure  known  as  the  Pension  building. 

Soon  he  came  to  the  park  adjoining,  through  which  were 
passing  groups  of  war  veterans.  It  is  easy  to  tell  the  vet- 
eran of  a war.  He  never  fails  to  display  some  insignia  of  his 
service  in  b)^gone  days,  be  it  an  army  blouse,  an  army  hat, 
or  a button. 

“Beats  all  how  good  fat  penshuns  pe-rlongs  life,”  ex- 
claimed the  old  man  on  observing  the  remarkable  number  of 
old  men  issu'ng  from  the  building  in  the  distance.  “Et 
beats  life  insoorance.  Reminds  me  ov  what  Si  Progitt,  th’ 
postmaster  up  aour  way  sed  tew  th’  agent  thet  insoored  hiz 
life.  Sez  he,  ‘Naow,  I’ll  bet  I’ll  live  fifty  years ! ye  kain’t  git 
th’  best  ov  them  life  insoorance  cumpanies,  by  ginger !’  ” 

202 


THE  PENSION  BT^TLDING. 

“Nothin’ll  perlong  a sojer’s  life  like  a good  fat  penshua.** 

203 


AROUND  THE  CAPITAL, 


^ JONES 


And  he  chuckled  to  himself  at  the  memory  of  the  humorous 
episode. 

As  he  entered  the  enormous  structure  he  took  a keen  sur- 
vey of  its  spacious  interior,  then  walking  over  to  the  center 
of  the  vast  court  he  closely  inspected  one  of  the  eight  colos- 
sal columns  which  form  the  most  conspicuous  feature  of  the 
great  building.  Turning  to  an  attendant  standing  near  he 
questioned  him  in  regard  to  the  history  of  the  building. 

“A  lot  of  fun  has  been  poked  at  this  building,”  said  the 
attendant,  who  was  palpably  an  old  soldier,  and  who  was 
very  accommodating  in  the  matter  of  giving  information, 
“but  it  is  a grand  old  structure.  It  is  the  largest  brick 
building  in  the  world,  and  those  columns  have  no  equal  in 
the  world’s  architecture — they  are  seventy-five  feet  high 
and  eight  feet  in  diameter  and  contain  fifty-six  thousand 
bricks  each.” 

“Whew  !”  exclaimed  the  old  man  at  this  recital,  “they  must 
hev  thot  them  penshuners  waz  never  goin’  tew  die  when 
they  built  sech  a substantial  buildin’.” 

“Twenty  thousand  people  assemble  here  on  the  night  of 
the  Inaugural  Ball,”  continued  the  attendant  without  notic- 
ing his  comment. 

“Et’s  a great  dance  en  a barn,”  remarked  the  old  man. 

“In  a barn?”  inquiringly  asked  the  attendant  in  a some- 
what puzzled  manner. 

“Yas,”  replied  the  Yankee,  laughing,  “they  call  et  Gin- 
eral  Meigs’  barn.” 

“Well,  sir,  it’s  a noble  edifice,  devoted  to  a noble  puroose, 

204 


II 


- 5 T.  lou  1^ .'•> 


The  mosl:  imporl’anl'  f'hind  on 
top  ot  the  earth  to  Senator 
TRANCIS  M.  COCKRELL  otMi'ss- 
ouri  is  the  World's  fair  now  being 
constructed  at  St.Louis.  This 
is  to  be  the  greatest  fair  in  hi  st- 
ory. and  a CockereL'is  justified 
in  crowing  over  it.  In  submitting 
thp  plan  ot  the  great  fairtottip  judoe- 
mentof  PAR15,  the  Sene^toris  wise; 
Sen. PARIS  CilBSON  being con.^ 
edanexpert  in  such  Tuatters. 


J- 


2U5 


AROUND  THE  CAPITAL. 


sir,”  and  the  soldierly  attendant  drew  himself  up  to  his  fun 
height  with  a slight  show  of  indignation  that  "the  haven  of 
the  old  soldier”  should  be  spoken  of  with  such  seeming 
levity. 

“He’s  kinder  crotchety  abaout  et,”  cried  the  old  man  as  the 
attendant  walked  off.  ‘T  reckon  he  wouldn’t  hev  bin  .so 
high  strung  ef  he’d  know’d  thet  yer  Uncle  Hank  bed  bin  all 
thru  th’  War — en  never  ’pplied  fer  a penshun  nuther.” 
And  the  old  man  stiffened  up  as  he  looked  about. 

Undaunted,  however,  he  soon  tackled  another  attendant 
for  more  information  respecting  the  great  bureau. 

“What  d'ye  keep  en  them  pigeon  holes?”  inquired  he  of  an 
officer  standing  by. 

“Those  are  the  repositories  of  hundreds  of  thousands  of 
documents  relating  to  pensions,”  replied  the  officer  politely. 
“So  perfect  is  the  system  that  within  five  minutes  after  in- 
quiry the  entire  record  of  a pension  case  may  be  ascertained.” 

As  Uncle  Hank  cast  his  eye  along  the  long  rows  of  cab- 
inets he  remarked  that  the  delay  in  securing  pensions  was 
not  due  to  any  delay  in  this  part  of  the  governmental 
machinery. 

Thinking  he  could  get  a better  view  of  the  interior  by 
ascending  to  the  galleries  he  proceeded  to  the  stairway, 
which,  he  noticed  as  he  climbed,  was  constructed  entirely  of 
brick.  As  he  reached  the  top  tier  of  galleries  which  com- 
pletely surround  the  interior  of  the  building,  he  was  much 
impressed  by  the  magnitude  of  the  vast  court  with  its  lofty 
roof  of  iron  and  ground  glass. 

206 


207 


1 


AROUND  THE  CAPITAL. 

“Et’s  like  a bit  ov  aont-o'-doors  ’tween  four  walls,”  he 
exclaimed  as  he  surveyed  the  scene. 

It  was  the  noon  hour,  and  hundreds  of  clerks  were  hur- 
rying towards  the  eastern  end  of  the  court,  where  several 
long  tables  were  standing  spread  with  a miscellaneous  vari- 
ety of  sandwiches,  pies,  cakes,  fruit,  etc.,  which  formed  the 
staple  much  of  the  employees  of  the  building.  Those  who 
hoarded  near  by  (everybody  seems  to  “hoard”  in  Washing- 
ton) hurriedly  left  the  building,  as  Uncle  Sam  is  a strict 
disciplinarian  and  punishes  severely  all  infractions  of  rules 
in  his  “Departm.ents ;”  consequently  they  know  that  being 
“late”  in  returning  from  lunch  means  a fine  for  the  culprit. 

There  are  two  thousand  clerks  employed  in  this  building, 
and  many  an  armless  sleeve  worn  by  an  old  soldier  is  among 
the  lot. 

Uncle  Hank  made  a tour  of  the  galleries,  examining 
everything  of  interest  as  he  went  along.  Finally,  coming  to 
an  old  man  leaning  on  a pair  of  crutches,  he  stopped  to  loo!; 
down  on  the  rows  upon  rows  of  cabinets  below. 

“Those  cabinets  contain  the  records  of  thousands  of  deeds 
of  heroism,”  remarked  the  old  man,  who  was  evidently  an 
old  soldier. 

“En  they  also  contain  thousan’s  ov  argyments  ag’in  war,” 
replied  the  Yankee,  philosophically. 


208 


A 


AROUND  THE  CAPITAL. 


CHAPTER  XVII. 


invention’s  home. 


€F  necessity’s  tli’  mother  ov  envenshnn,  then  tli’  daddy 
must  live  en  th’  United  States,  en  th’  Patent  Offis 
ez  ther  cradle;  en  jedgin’  by  the  number  ov  chib 
(Iren  en  th’  cradle  th’  pair  must  be  runnin’  en  in- 
coobator  on  full  time  en’  over !”  Thus  spoke  Uncle  Hank 
as  he  surveyed  the  wonderful  collection  of  models  displayed 
m the  Patent  Office. 


I.  ncle  Sam  s Patent  Office  is  indeed  a cradle  of  inven- 
tion, offering  as  it  does  the  fullest  protection  to  the  offspring 
(.f  the  inventor  s brain.  In  granting  an  application  our 
government  undertakes  to  be  the  protector  of  the  inventor, 
and  before  granting  “letters  patent.’’  ascertains  for  him 
V.  hether  his  invention  is  absolutelv  new,  thus  estahlishincf 
his  right  to  priority.  If  his  application  is  granted  he  can 
be  reasonably  sure  of  having  acquired  rights  which  can  be 
sustained  in  the  courts.  European  nations  do  not  render 
any  such  service  to  their  inventors.  Their  patent  offices 
only  record  inventions,  issuing  certificates  for  patents.  The 
government  does  not  lend  its  assistance  to  the  inventor  to 
ascertain  his  right  of  priority,  as  does  the  United  States. 

IVIany  American  invent^’-^  not  knowing  foreign  patent 

209 


AROUND  THE  CAPITAL. 


laws,  make  haste  to  take  out  patents  in  Europe,  and  when 
their  certificates  reach  them  fondly  imagine  that  they  are 
fully  as  well  protected  as  under  the  American  system,  when 
the  fact  is,  instead  of  a foreign  patent  certificate  being  a 
protection  it  is  frequently  a source  of  danger,  as  unscrupu- 
lous men  seize  upon  all  new  ideas  of  evident  value  and  re- 
patent them. 

Uncle  Sam’s  patent  is  a very  different  affair,  being  to  all 
intents  and  purposes  a warranty  deed  to  the  inventor  who 
can  feel  secure  that  his  ideas  are  not  pirated  from  him  and 
incorporated  in  a later  patent,  and  that  he  will  not  be  under 
the  necessity  of  prosecuting  expensive  law  suits  to  prove 
title  to  his  own  property. 

As  a result  of  this  perfect  system  the  Patent  Office  Build- 
ing is  a bewildering  maze  of  patented  devices.  It  would 
seem  from  a cursory  examination  of  the  thousands  upon 
thousands  of  models  exhibited  in  this  building  that  the  field 
of  invention  was  well-nigh  exhausted  and  that  there  was 
nothing  left  to  patent,  but  the  stream  seems  to  be  inex- 
haustible. 

The  rows  of  glass  covered  cases  containing  the  more  valu- 
able models  proved  a source  of  infinite  delight  to  Uncle 
Hank,  who  being  a true  Yankee  was  himself  ingeniously 
inclined  and  'ever  ready  to  admire  the  inventive  efforts  of 
others. 

“Thar’s  millyuns  en  et!”  he  ejaculated  half  aloud  to  him- 
self as  he  gazed  long  and  curiously  at  a small  model  about 
four  and  one-half  inches  in  length.  The  small  insignificant 

210 


WASHINGTON  CURIOSITY. 

' There  goes  Senator  Elkins!” 

311 


AROUND  THE  CAPITAL. 


looking  object  that  excited  this  remark  was  the  original 
model  of  the  Bell  Telephone,  which  was  patented  hy  Alex- 
ander Graham  Bell,  1876.  “Yas,  ther’s  millyuns  en  thet 
leetle  telephone,”  he  continued,  “but  ’tain’t  often  th’  en- 
ventor  gits  th’  millyuns  though.” 

Walking  over  to  another  glass  enclosed  case  he  stopped 
to  examine  the  original  model  of  the  famous  Whitney  Cot- 
ton Gin  which  an  affixed  card  announced  as  having  been 
patented  in  1794. 

“Naow,  thar’s  a leetle  envenshun  thet  didn’t  make  so  many 
dollars  fer  et’s  enventor,  hut  et’s  jest  ez  valooable — P’raps 
cos  ’twan’t  th’  right  kind  ov  gin,”  remarked  the  old  man 
addressing  an  attendant  standing  hy. 

“Gin  mills  as  a rule  are  very  profitable,”  laughingly  re- 
plied the  official,  who  took  great  pleasure  in  showing  the 
many  curious  exhibits  among  the  models. 

“If  you  will  come  with  me,”  he  continued,  “I  will  show 
you  our  greatest  fighters.”  Then  proceeding  to  two  con- 
spicuous cases  he  directed  the  old  man’s  attention  to  the 
famous  combatants,  the  National  Cash  Register  and  the 
Hailwood  Register. 

“Wall,  they  don’t  look  quarrelsum  en  thar,”  said  the  old 
man  whose  face  showed  something  of  disappointmnet  as  he 
evidently  expected  to  see  a model  of  Jeffries,  Fitzsimmons, 
Tillman  or  Bailey  after  such  an  announcement. 

“There  has  been  more  litigation  over  those  Cash  Registers 
than  any  other  patent  that  has  been  granted  for  many 
years.” 


L 


SENATOR  CHARLES  W.  I'AIRDANKS  nf 
Indiana,  is  known  faruiiiariy  as  Uie  Fa,r 
banks  of  the  Wabash.  The  Senator  is  a 
tali  man  from  a State  distinguished  tor 
such  taii  timber  as  Ben  Ilur  Waliace, 
Monsieur  Beaucaire  Tarkington  and 
others,  inciuding  the  answer  to  the  fa- 
mous query — Hoosier  fwhose  yer?)  Poet — 


Riiey. 


213 


AROUND  THE  CAPITAL. 


“Anythin’  consarnin’  cash  ez  liable  tew  cause  a ruction 
any  time,”  rejoined  the  old  man  with  a grin. 

After  showing  him  the  original  Elias  Howe  Sewing  Ma- 
chine and  the  McCormick  Reaper  the  pair  proceeded  to  make 
a tour  of  the  galleries. 

“This  building  contains  upward  of  four  hundred  thou- 
sand patented  articles,”  continued  the  accommodating  at- 
tendant as  they  walked  along,  “and  they  accumulate  so 
rapidly  that  it  has  become  a serious  question  as  to  the  best 
means  of  storing  them.” 

“En  what  a lot  ov  thinkin’  et  must  hev  took  tew  prodooce 
sech  a lot  ov  idees,”  replied  the  old  man  thoughtfully. 

“And  there  seems  to  be  no  limit  to  the  range  of  inventive 
fancy.  Here  is  a human  hand,  submitted  as  a model  to 
secure  a patent  for  an  embalming  process  in  i860,”  con- 
tinued the  guide,  opening  one  of  the  cases  and  handing 
Uncle  Hank  a perfectly  preserved  anatomical  specimen 
which  he  examined  with  great  curiosity. 

“When  th’  Angel  Gabriel  blows  his  trumpet  on  th’  last 
day  this  hand’ll  hev  a great  advantage  over  ets  mate,”  dryly 
remarked  the  old  man. 

“This  was  deposited  here  in  1875,”  continued  the  attend- 
ant, as  he  placed  a large  ham  in  the  old  man’s  hands.  “As 
you  can  plainly  see  it  is  perfectly  preserved.” 

“Ye  hevn’t  got  no  eggs  tew  go  with  et,  hev  ye?” 

“No ; inventive  genius  hasn’t  reached  that  stage  yet,” 
laughingly  replied  the  attendant. 


214 


IlERR  VON  HOLLEBEN,  Ambassador  Extraordinary  and  Planipotentiary  from  rtarmaay.  1 * 

tableau  entitled  ’'Under  Two  Flags,”  Is  very  much  attached  to  the  flag  In  hli  right  hand.  . 
termination  of  the  Spanish* American  War  he  sings  “Die  Wacht  am  Rhein’  t#  the  tune  o i® 

Spangled  Banner”  on  all  public  occasione. 


215 


AROUND  THE  CAPITAL. 


“Et  th’  rate  th’  envenshuns  ez  pilin’  en  ye  soon  will,”  said 
the  old  man  as  his  eye  swept  the  galleries. 

“There  seems  to  be  no  end  to  the  stream  of  ideas  that 
flow  in  here,”  pursued  the  attendant.  “Over  twenty-five 
thousand  patents  were  issued  last  year.  During  the  Civil 
War  the  number  of  patents  fell  off  materially,  but  immedi- 
ately after,  when  the  volunteer  troops  had  returned  to  their 
homes,  a remarkable  fertility  of  invention  was  displayed. 
The  dull  routine  of  camp  life  seemed  to  develop  the  ideas 
of  the  soldiers,  and  as  soon  as  home  was  reached  these 
ideas  were  put  into  models  and  sent  to  the  Patent  Office. 
In  1865  the  number  of  patents  issued  was  six  thousand  six 
hundred  and  twenty-six,  while  in  1867  it  had  increased  to 
thirteen  thousand  one  hundred  and  twenty-five.  The  Cen- 
tennial Exhibition  also  seemed  to  stimulate  inventive  genius ; 
the  number  of  patents  granted  during  1876  was  seventeen 
thousand  and  twenty-five,  the  highest  yet  attained.  The 
coming  year,  however,  promises  to  eclipse  all  records.” 
“Thet’s  strange  tew  when  ye  cum  tew  consider  et.  These 
air  prosperous  times  en  th’  wail  ov  necessity  ain’t  hearn 
thruaout  th’  land,”  remarked  Uncle  Hank. 

“What’s  that  got  to  do  with  it?”  sharply  demanded  the 
attendant. 

“Necessity’s  th’  mother  ov  envenshun,  hain’t  she?” 
“Oh,”  laughingly  rejoined  the  attendant,  “old  mother 
Necessity  is  always  with  us,  only  you  are  not  apt  to  hear  her 
■wail  during  good  times.” 

216 


SENATOR  THOMAS  MACDONALD  PATTERSON,  of  Colorado,  and  SENATOR  JOSEPH  CLAY 
STILES  BLACKBURN,  of  Kentucky,  are  two  Democratic  statesmen  who  stand  together  on 
all  public  questions.  Senator  Patterson  is  a fighter  by  birth;  having  been  born  in  Ireland, 
the  land  where  all  the  good  fighters  come  from.  Senator  Blackburn  is  not,  (as  might  be 
inferred  by  his  name)  in  favor  of  burning  blacks,  but  Is  a true-blue  grass  statesman. 

5^17 


AROUND  THE  CAPITAL. 


t-  ^ 

'•5ulz£r.  n. 


“En  I s’pose  enventors  envent  becos  they  must,  jest  ez 
artists  paint  en  poets  ’rite.” 

“Yes,  the  creative  impulse  must  be  satisfied,”  continued 
the  ofificial.  “There  are  many  inventors  known  to  the  Patent 
Office  accountants  who  develop  ideas  with  marked  regularity 
every  year,  but  never  take  the  trouble  to  introduce  them  to 
tlie  public.  The  Patent  Office  is  burdened  with  inventions 
that  have  never  got  further  than  the  model  room.” 

“Like  en  old  hen  leavin’  her  nest  afore  th’  eggs  ez  hatched 
aout,”  suggested  the  old  man. 

The  official  laughed  at  the  homely  illustration  as  he  con- 
tinued. 

“These  inventors,”  he  said,  “are  not  usually  so  dilatory. 
We  frequently  have  applicants  who  never  rest  until  their 
claims  are  passed  upon  and  their  patents  are  secured.” 

“I  s’pose  ye  hear  all  sorts  ov  stories  abaout  th’  profits  ov 
enventors?”  inquired  the  old  man  who  was  getting  tired  of 
dry  detail. 

“Oh,  yes,”  replied  the  obliging  official  who  seemed  to  be 
as  full  of  information  as  an  encyclopedia  is  of  facts,  “the 
rubber  tip  on  lead-pencils  is  said  to  have  yielded  the  inventor 
a big  fortune,  and.  the  man  that  devised  the  gimlet-pointed 
screw  is  reported  to  have  cleared  one  million  dollars  for  the 
company  that  manufactured  it ; yet  he  was  so  poor  that  he 
was  compelled  to  walk  from  Philadelphia  to  Washington 
to  secure  his  patent.” 

“En  et  wouldn’t  hev  bin  so  hard  ef  he  hed  met  th’  enventor 


218 


w 


SENATORS  DEPEW  AND  LODGE  ON  THEIR  WAY  TO  THE  8APTTOL. 

319 


AROUND  THE  CAPITAL. 


ov  th’  roller-skate  on  h'is  way,”  interposed  the  old  man  with 
a smile. 

“The  roller-skate  man  had  troubles  of  his  own,”  replied 
the  guide.  “After  he  had  spent  a long  time  in  perfecting 
his  idea  it  cost  him  one  hundred  and  twenty-five  thousand 
dollars  in  England  to  defend  his  claim  from  pirates,  but  he 
eventually  cleared  over  a million  dollars.  There  is  a great 
amount  of  gossip  around  the  Patent  Office  in  regard  to  the 
amount  of  money  made  in  small  patented  articles;  for  in- 
stance, the  toy  called  the  returning-ball,  a small  wooden  ball 
attached  to  an  elastic  string,  is  reported  to  have  netted  fifty 
thousand  dollars  to  its  deviser.  Another  toy,  the  Dancing 
Jim  Crow,  is  reputed  to  have  cleared  eighty  thousand  dol- 
lars, and  the  spring-roller  for  window  shades  yields  over 
one  hundred  thousand  dollars  a year,  while  the  copper  tip 
for  children’s  shoes  is  credited  with  a profit  of  two  million 
dollars  anci  the  drive-well  struck  a gold  mine  containing 
three  million  dollars. 

“These  are  only  a few  examples  of  great  profits  accruing 
from  small  ideas.”' 

“Them’s  th’  successes — haow  abaout  th’  failures?”  inter- 
rogated the  old  man. 

“About  one  invention  in  twenty-five  is  counted  a success,” 
answered  the  guide. 

Uncle  Hank  now  directed  his  attention  to  the  different 
departments  engaged  in  classifying  and  recording  applica- 
tions for  patents. 

“Et  takes  a powerful  sight  ov  book-keepin’  tew  keep  tracl? 

220 


AROUND  THE  CAPITAL. 


ov  all  th’  idees  that’s  hatched  aout  en  this  wonderful  coun- 
try,” he  mused,  as  he  contemplated  the  busy  clerks  filing 
voluminous  papers,  making  entries  in  bulky  registers,  and 
classifying  applications. 

“An  application  passes  through  the  hands  of  fifty-four  per- 
sons in  the  course  of  its  progress  through  the  office,”  re- 
plied the  official,  “and  the  applicant  pays  for  this  service 
fifteen  dollars  to  have  a claim  examined,  and  when  a patent 
is  granted  an  additional  fee  of  twenty  dollars  is  required.” 

“Haow  about  th’  lawyer’s  fee?”  inquired  the  old  man. 

“An  inventor  is  not  required  to  employ  an  attorney,  but 
probably  nine  out  of  ten  do,”  responded  the  official.  “In 
simple  cases  where  there  is  no  infringement  on  prior  claims, 
an  applicant  can  almost  as  well  deal  direct  with  the  govern- 
ment, for  every  facility  is  offered  to  the  ambitious  inven- 
tor by  the  perfect  system  employed  in  examining  and  record- 
ing ideas.” 

“Haow  long  does  a patent  run  ?’’  queried  the  inquisitive 
Yankee,  thirsty  for  information. 

“Seventeen  years,”  replied  he.  “Extensions  are  now  sel- 
dom granted,  and  only  by  special  acts  of  Congress,  when  it 
can  be  shown  that  an  adequate  money  return  has  been  impos- 
sible.” 

Uncle  Hank  was  intensely  interested  in  all  the  information 
the  accommodating  official  had  to  impart,  and  when  he  de- 
parted from  the  building  he  thanked  him  profuselv.  As  he 
passed  down  tlie  long  fligb.t  of  granite  steps  leading  to  the 
building  he  encountered  a wild-eyed  individual  with  long 

232 


L. 


AROUND  THE  CAPITAL. 


flowing  locks  of  hair  that  fell  about  the  collar  of  his  thread- 
bare coat.  In  his  hand  he  held  a large  sheet  of  crumpled 
jiaper,  on  which  he  intently  gazed,  examining  minutely  the 
diagram  depicted  thereon.  As  the  old  man  approached  he 
evinced  a desire  to  enter  into  conversatic.n. 

“It’s  an  outrage !’’  he  exclaimed.  “Here  I have  the 
most  wonderful  device  ever  conceived  by  man,  and  they  re- 
fuse to  entertain  its  claim.” 

“What’s  et  fer?”  exclaimed  the  old  man,  examining  the 
chart  curiously. 

“It  is  the  only  perfect  Perpetual  Motion  Machine  ever 
devised,”  he  said.  And  then  followed  a confused  technical 
description  of  its  complex  mechanism  which  was  all  Greek 
to  Uncle  Hank. 

After  listening  patiently  to  the  description  of  this  won- 
derful machine,  nodding  affirmatively  at  intervals  to  indi- 
cate his  acquiescence  in  its  inventor’s  claims,  he  remarked ; 

“Ef  ye’ll  jest  run  a concentrick  journal  with  a leever 
ettachmint  geered  up  tew  receeve  a belt  runnin’  tew  th’  jaw 
ov  a life  ensoorance  agint  jist  tacklin’  his  first  victim,  ye'll 
git  nearer  tew  accomplishin’  perpetooal  moshun  then  any- 
thin’ I kin  think  ov.”  And  the  old  man  looked  over  the  rims 
af  his  spectacles  at  the  plan  held  in  the  inventor’s  hands. 

But  a look  of  disgust  as  he  folded  up  his  precious  plan 
choked  off  all  further  negotiations  on  the  part  of  Lfficle 
Hank  to  perfect  the  invention  of  the  “Jack  o’  Lantern”  of 
nventors — the  Perpetual  Motion  Machine. 

324 


AROUND  T?IE  CAPITAL. 


CHAPTER  XVIII. 

UNCLE  S,\m’s  money  FACTORY. 

• X H S Uncle  Hank  was  striding  along  through  the  Mall 
■ifl  on  his  way  to  the  Bureau  of  Engraving  and  Print- 
W H ing,  he  encountered  an  old  colored  man  closely  ex- 
anuning  a tattered  piece  of  paper  on  which  there 
had  once  been  some  writing  done  in  lead  pencil,  but  which 
was  now’  almost  entirely  undecipherable.  First  he  would 
turn  it  one  way  and  then  upside  down  apparently.  Finally, 
as  Uncle  Hank  approached,  he  deferentially  touched  his 
hand  to  his  hat  as  he  exclaimed:  “Marsa,  k’n  I ax  yo’  a 

f|uestshun  ?” 

“Sartinly  ye  kin,  what  ez  et?”  responded  the  Yankee  in 
the  most  agreeable  manner. 

“Well,  den,  w bar’s  dat  Senseless  Burow’  ob  ’gravin’?”  he 
inquired,  in  the  tone  of  one  who  had  tried  to  guess  a par- 
ticularly hard  conundrum  and  given  it  up. 

“Wall,  naow  ye  hev  me,”  replied  the  old  man,  somewhat 
nonplused  ot  this  double-barrelled  query.  “Ef  ye  kin  de- 
tarmin’  wdiether  ye  want  tew  go  tew  th’  Census  Burow,  er 
ye  want  tew  go  tew  th’  Burow  ov  Tngravin’,  I reckon  I kin 
direct  ye,  but  tew'  send  ye  tew^  diff’rent  places  far  apart — ■ 
ye’ve  got  me  stumped.” 


Mc. 


225 


AROUND  THE  CAPITAL. 


“Dat’s  a fac’,  P>oss !”  exclaimed  the  old  darky,  as  he  per- 
ceived the  truth  of  Uncle  Hank’s  remark.  “Yo’  kain’t  go 
to  two  diff’rent  plaices  at  de  same  time,  nohow.” 

"Wall,  et’s  sech  a dern  sens’less  questshun  thet  I guess 
I’ll  send  ye  tew  th’  Sens’less  Burow  fust,  an’  then  ef  ye  find 
thet  hain’t  th’  right  place,  ye  kin  hop  over  tew  t’other.” 
And  he  directed  the  puzzlecl  old  darky  to  the  Census 
Bureau,  and  then  proceeded  on  his  way. 

"Them  Burows,  en  Institoots,  en  Departmints  ez  puzzlin’ 
sumtimes  en  et’s  hard  tew  keep  track  ov  ’em,”  he  mused  to 
himself  as  he  walked  along. 

“En  thar’s  EInkel  Sam’s  Money  Eact’ry  whar  he  many- 
factur’s  th’  root  ov  all  evil,”  he  continued  as  he  approached 
the  Bureau  of  Engraving  and  Printing. 

As  he  ascended  the  steps  leading  to  the  entrance  of  the 
building  he  nodded  familiarly  to  an  official  standing  at  the 
door  to  whom  he  directed  his  request  to  be  allowed  to  in- 
spect the  interior  of  the  “Money  Eactory,”  as  he  termed  it. 

As  is  usually  the  case  in  all  the  public  buildings  in  Wash- 
ington, there  was  a party  waiting  to  be  shown  about  the 
structure. 

"Yes,  we  show  you  how  to  make  money  here,”  replied  the 
official  to  the  old  man’s  facetious  query,  then  turning  to  the 
young  lady  who  was  to  guide  the  party  through  the  build- 
ing, he  said : 

“This  gentleman  wishes  to  know  all  about  the  making  of 
money — afford  him  every  facility  for  learning  the  art,  and 
then  furnish  the  secret  service  bureau  with  a perfect  descrip- 

226 


I 


SENATOR  JETER  CONNELLY  PRITCHARD,  who  Is  about  to  gracefully  retire  from  the  list 
of  senatorial  w'arriors.  has  proven  himself  a worthy  successor  to  North  Carolina's  most 
famous  Senator.  Zeb.  Vance. 

It  will  be  observed  that  SENATOR  SIMMONS  is  directing  Undo  Sam's  attention  to  candidates, 
from  any  one  of  whose  shoulders  the  toga  would  fall  with  exceptional  grace. 

227 


AROUND  THE  CAPITAL. 


tion  of  him,  together  with  as  good  a snap-shot  photograph 
as  you  can  get  of  his  suspicious  looking  countenance.”  As 
the  official  got  off  this  little  pleasantry  at  Uncle  Hank’s  ex- 
pense he  grinned  broadly. 

But  the  old  man  took  this  bit  of  raillery  good-humoredly ; 
he  was  always  ready  to  appreciate  a joke,  be  it  at  his  own 
expense  or  not. 

“There  are  twenty-eight  hundred  employees  in  this  build- 
ing, two-thirds  of  whom  are  women,”  began  the  guide  as 
a preliminary.  This  guide,  by  the  way,  was  a very  pretty 
young  lady  who,  when  she  smiled,  as  she  frequently  did, 
showed  a gleam  of  perfect  teeth. 

“This  room,”  she  continued  with  a wave  of  the  hand  over 
the  room  the  party  had  just  entered,  “contains  five  hundred 
employees  engaged  in  the  printing  of  the  notes.” 

The  large,  spacious  room  seemed  a perfect  forest  of  hand- 
presses.  The  operation  of  printing  seemed  to  be  very  sim- 
ple. A printer  stood  on  one  side  of  the  press  with  a small 
hand-roller  covered  with  a black,  sticky  looking  ink,  which 
he  rolled  thoroughly  over  the  steel  plate  lying  in  the  bed  of 
his  press,  then  he  would  wipe  off  all  the  surplus  ink  with 
a cloth,  completing  the  operation  finally  with  his  bare  arm, 
which  he  dexterously  used  to  remove  the  smallest  particles 
of  unnecessary  ink  remaining  on  the  plate.  Opposite  to 
him,  on  the  other  side  of  the  press,  stood  a young  girl  hold- 
ing a thoroughly  dampened  sheet  of  paper  which  she  care- 
fully placed  on  the  now  ready  plate.  With  a quick  move- 
ment the  printer  adju.sted  the  tympan  or  cover,  and  with  a 

228 


WHEK  SEN.  JOSEPH  P.  FORAKER  RISES  TO  SPEAK  IN  THE  SENATE  CHAMBER,  HIS  COLLEAGUE, 
‘ SENATOR  HANNA,  SMILES  UNTIL  SOME  SARCASTIC  FLING  IS  AIMED  AT  HIM— AND  THEN-HE 
CONTINUES  TO  SMILE. 


AROUND  THE  CAPITAL. 


M.C. 

■WU". 


turn  of  the  plate  was  run  through  the  press  and  the  printed 
sheet  closely  inspected  by  the  girl  while  the  printer  pre- 
pared the  plate  for  another  impression. 

“These  printers  are  expert  in  their  work  and  get  from  six 
to  ten  dollars  a day,”  explained  the  guide. 

“Et’s  good  pay,”  remarks  the  old  man. 

“You  see,  it  is  very  difficult  work,”  said  the  guide.  “The 
printer  has  to  perfectly  remove  all  the  surplus  ink  with  his 
bare  arm  and  the  palm  of  his  hand;  and  if  this  is  not  done 
accurately,  too  much  or  too  little  ink  will  be  left  in  the  en- 
graved lines  and  a spoiled  impression  will  be  the  result.” 

“Then  et’s  all  en  th’  touch?”  remarked  Uncle  Hank. 

“Precisely,”  responded  the  guide  with  a smile. 

“Thet’s  th’  fust  touch  th’  notes  git — but  I reckon  ’tain’t  th’ 
last,”  rejoined  the  old  man  with  a wink. 

“The  silk-fibred  paper  used  in  the  printing  of  these 
notes,”  continued  the  young  lady,  “is  made  at  the  Crane 
Mills  at  Dalton,  iMassachusetts,  and  is  a closely  guarded 
trade  secret,  and  the  law  forbids  any  one  to  have  such  paper 
in  their  possession.  It  is  received  at  the  Bureau  in  packages 
containing  one  thousand  sheets  each,  and  to  each  of  these 
pressmen,  one  package  is  given  at  a time. 

“I  notis  ye  hev  sum  pretty  gals  workin’  en  this  depart- 
mint,”  remarked  Uncle  Hank. 

“Handsome  is  as  handsome  does, — the  notes  turned  out 
here  are  considered  the  handsomest  in  the  world,”  replied 
the  young  lady  as  she  now  directed  the  party  to  another 


230 


AROUND  THE  CAPITAL. 


w.  c.i.ovERiNc;.px.r. 


room,  where  the  numbering  machines  were  automatically 
printing  numbers  on  the  notes. 

“There  are  fourteen  departments  in  this  Bureau,”  ex- 
plained she,  “and  each  piece  of  work  passes  through  the 
hands  of  thirty  different  people.  A perfect  system  of  re- 
ceipting and  checking  is  in  vogue,  and  at  the  close  of  the 
day  everything  is  delivered  into  the  hands  of  the  officials 
of  the  Bureau,  and  every  count  is  verified  before  the  em- 
ployees are  allowed  to  leave  the  Imilding. 

“This  place  reminds  me  ov  one  ov  th’  courts  ov  Europ’,’’ 
exclaimed  the  old  man. 

“How  so?”  inquired  the  guide. 

“Ye  hev  so  many  Caounts,”  said  he. 

“But  our  ‘counts’  as  a rule  are  more  reliable,”  retorted  the 
guide. 

“Ye  hev’n’t  showed  us  haow  they  ingrave  th’  plates  yit,” 
suggested  the  inquisitive  Yankee. 

“The  engraving  room  is  never  shown  to  visitors.  The 
utmost  care  is  taken  to  guard  against  the  loss  of  the  plates ; 
they  are  closely  watched  day  and  night.  The  original  plate 
itself  is  never  used  in  printing,  a transfer  is  made  to  another 
plate  of  softened  steel,  which  is  afterward  hardened  and 
printed  from.  This  is  done  to  guard  against  the  possibility 
of  accident  to  the  original  plate.”  When  the  guide  com- 
pleted this  little  lecture  she  conducted  the  party  to  a glass 
case,  which  contained  a sample  plate  and  roller  used  to  make 
a transfer  from  an  original  to  a replica,  from  which  the 
notes  are  printed.  And  this  ended  the  tour. 

233 


A GROUP  OF  FOREIGN  MINISTERS. 

233 


AROUND  THE  CAPITAL. 


“Wall,  this  money  fact’ry  ez  a great  institooshun,”  re- 
marked Uncle  Hank  as  he  left  the  building.  “En  et’s  a heap 
sight  more  pertickler  work  printin’  them  notes  then  I 
thought  et  waz — et  kinder  brings  tew  mind  th’  words  ov 
Bobby  Burns : 

“‘A  chiefs  amang  you  takin’  notes,. 

And,  faith,  he’ll  preiit  it!’  ” 

“Not  eggxactly  th’  same  kind  ov  notes — en  what’s  more 
ef  thet  chap  hed  bin  caught  takin’  notes  en  th’  Burow  ov 
Ingravin’  en  Printin’  I reckon  'twouldn't  be  long  afore  he 
waz  behind  th’  bars."  And  the  old  man  chuckled  at  the 
idea. 


334 


AROUND  THE  CAPITAL. 


CHAPTER  XIX. 

THE  TREASURY  BUILDING. 

aXKEL  S.-\M’S  got  a fine  buildin’  fer  his  Treasury,” 
exclaimed  Uncle  Hank  to  an  elderly  gentleman 
who  stood  on  the  corner  of  Pennsylvania  Avenue 
and  Fifteenth  Street,  his  head  bent  down  apparent- 
ly in  deep  thought. 

“Yes,”  replied  he  without  looking  up,  “but  not  too  fine 
for  the  purpose  intended.  That  building,  sir,  contains  the 
heart  of  the  Republic ; its  veins  and  arteries  extend  to  every 
part  of  the  body  politic,  and  if  you  interfere  in  the  slightest 
with  its  perfect  action  you  are  liable  to  paralyze  the  entire 
system.” 

The  speaker  was  a spare  man  with  shoulders  rounded, 
and  form  bent  as  if  it  had  for  years  sustained  a load  too 
heavy  for  its  slight  frame  to  sustain. 

“I  don't  know  hut  what  yer  ahaout  right.”  replied  the 
Yankee,  meaning  to  sound  this  apparently  well-informed  in- 
dividual with  the  object  of  ascertaining  some  particulars  of 
the  building  he  was  about  to  inspect. 

“The  Treasury  Department  is  a complicated  system  that 
is  liable  to  get  out  of  order  very  easily,  and  when  it  does 
there  are  always  quacks  ready  with  remedies  for  its  relief.” 

235 


AROUND  THE  CAPITAL. 


“Et’s  dangerous  tew  fool  with  quacks,”  ventured  Uncle 
Hank  as  a suggestion, 

“Well,  it’s  enjoying  remarkably  good  health  just  now,  and 
I trust  the  financial  charlatans  will  remain  in  seclusion.” 

“Th’  pulse  ez  heatin’  reg’ler  en  Wall  Street,”  suggested 
the  old  man. 

“Which  is  an  indication  that  the  system  is  in  good  con- 
dition,” retorted  his  companion  with  asperity. 

“En  th’  Trusts  ez  payin’  ther  dividends  reg’ler?”  pursued 
the  old  man  with  a chuckle. 

“I  believe  so,”  was  the  reply. 

“En  th’  American  Eagle  ez  screamin’  with  delight  et  th’ 
good  times  he’s  hevin’ — even  ef  his  corn  ez  cornered  once 
en  a while.” 

“Good  times  invariably  induce  wild  speculation,”  was  the 
answer. 

“Th’  Treasury’s  full?”  interrogated  the  old  man. 

“Never  so  full  as  now,”  assented  the  stranger. 

“En  th’  Cubean  sugar  tariff  en  all  t’other  tariffs'll  make 
et  fuller?”  still  further  inc[uired  Uncle  Hank. 

“Yes,  I believe  that  will  be  the  tendency,”  was  the  reply. 

“Wall — right  here  I’d  like  tew  remark  thet  yer  Unkel 
Sam’ll  git  so  full-blooded  thet  he’ll  be  en  danger  ov  a 
stroke  ov  apperplexy,  ef  he  don’t  look  aout.”  And  the  old 
man  grinned  broadly  as  he  gazed  over  the  rims  of  his  spec- 
tacles at  his  companion,  who,  without  replying,  suddenly  re- 
membered he  had  an  important  engagement  to  fill  and  has- 
tened towards  the  entrance  of  the  big  building. 

236 


LESLIE  M.  SHAW.  Secretary  of  the  Treasury,  Is  from  “loway,"  the  Hawkeye  State,  which 
probably  accounts  for  the  sharp  eye  he  keeps  on  the  Treasury  Building  where  he  is 
known  as  a strict  disciplinarian.  It  Is  said  that  the  Shah  of  Persia  is  no  greater 
autocrat  in  his  dominions  than  is  this  Shaw  In  the  United  States  Treasury. 

237 


AROUND  THE  CAPITAL. 


I 


“I  guess  thet  waz  a clincher,”  chuckled  the  old  man  to 
himself  on  observing  the  departure  of  the  stranger. 

‘‘Do  you  know  who  that  gentleman  was,  you’ve  just  been 
talking  to?”  inquired  a policeman  who  had  stood  within  ear- 
shot and  had  been  much  entertained  by  the  conversation. 

“I  don't  reckon  ez  I do,”  replied  the  old  man. 

“That  was  Secretary  Shaw.” 

‘‘Oh,  pshaw ! I want  tew  kno’ !’’  and  the  old  man’s 
ey'ebrows  elevated  as  he  directed  his  steps  towards  the  big 
building  he  had  come  to  inspect. 

It  was  about  eleven  o’clock  in  the  morning  and  groups  of 
tourists  were  beginning  to  arrive.  As  they  ascended  the 
granite  steps  they  were  directed  to  take  seats  on  the  settees 
in  the  corridor  to  await  the  arrival  of  a guide,  who  would 
take  them  through  the  building  on  a tour  of  inspection. 

Uncle  Hank  joined  one  of  these  parties  and  soon  was  on 
intimate  terms  with  the  escort. 

This  guide  was  a colored  man  with  a most  accommodat- 
ing air  who  had  learned  all  the  particulars  of  the  Treasx'iry 
building  by  heart  and  then  reeled  them  off  to  the  successive 
parties  of  sight-seers,  whom  it  was  his  duty  to  show  around. 

The  tour  usually  starts  at  the  big  vaults  in  what  might 
be  termed  the  basement  of  the  building. 

“Dese  h’yar  vaults  contains  eight  hundred  en  sixt)^-seben 
millyuns  ob  dollahs !”  explained  the  guide  with  a wave  of 
the  hand  in  the  direction  of  a row  of  substantial  looking 
stone  vaults.  The  money,  however,  was  not  in  sight;  the 


238 


AROUND  THE  CAPITAL. 


MD. 


only  evidence  of  anything  valuable  was  the  sight  of  some 
silver  bullion  being  transferred  from  one  vault  to  another. 

“Et’s  a pile  ov  wealth  thet’s  stored  en  thar — but  Rocky- 
feller’s  got  more,”  remarked  Uncle  Hank. 

The  colored  guide  looked  incredulous. 

‘‘Dese  yar  gurls  am  countin’  an’  errangin’  notes  after  dey 
has  de  seals  printed  on  em  by  dat  press  yo’  sees  ober  dar  in 
de  corner.”  As  he  spoke  he  halted  the  party  before  a 
closely  grated  door.  Through  the  grating  could  be  seen 
great  quantities  of  bank  notes  which  were  being  counted 
with  marvelous  dexterity. 

“Et  looks  ez  ef  everyone  waz  behind  bars  en  jail,”  re- 
marked the  old  man  as  he  pointed  to  the  iron  barred  doors 
and  windows  that  lined  the  corridor. 

‘‘Dem  bars  ez  tu  keep  vistahs  out,  sah,”  retorted  the  guide, 
and  a laugh  followed  at  Uncle  Hank’s  expense. 

The  macerator  was  the  next  thing  to  attract  attention,  to 
the  room  containing  which  the  party  was  now  conducted  by 
the  guide.  This  machine  for  the  destruction  of  mutilated 
currency  consists  of  a huge  spherical  receptacle  of  steel, 
containing  water  and  fitted  interiorly  with  one  hundred  and 
fifty-six  keen  edged  knives,  which  as  they  revolve  cut  the 
enclosed  notes  into  exceedingly  minute  particles.  The  lid 
is  securely  fastened  with  strong  locks,  each  with  an  indi- 
vidual key,  one  of  which  is  held  by  the  Secretary,  one  by  the 
Treasurer,  and  the  third  by  the  Controller  of  the  Currency. 
Every  day  at  one  o’clock  deputies  of  these  officials  with  a 
fourth  one  appointed  by  the  Secretary  to  represent  the  banks 

240 


AROUND  THE  CAPITAL. 


and  the  people  meet  at  the  macerator  to  deposit  the  money 
to  be  destroyed.  Each  lock  is  opened  by  its  respective  key- 
holder,  the  cover  is  raised  and  the  various  packages  of  cur- 
rency are  thrust  in.  The  cover  is  then  securely  fastened 
down  and  as  the  multitude  of  knives  revolve  the  work  of 
destruction  begins.  When  this  is  finally  accomplished  the 
committee  unlocks  a valve,  the  liquid  pulp  flows  out,  is  then 
screened  into  a pit  below  and  transferred  to  the  Bureau 
of  Engraving  and  Printing  to  be  rolled  out  into  sheets. 
This  is  afterward  sold  for  forty  dollars  per  ton. 

The  capacity  of  the  macerator  is  over  one  ton  of  pulp,  but 
it  is  rarely  put  to  this  test ; the  largest  amount  ever  de- 
stroyed at  one  operation  was  in  1894,  when  one  hundred 
and  fifty-one  million  dollars  was  rendered  into  pulp. 

The  colored  guide  described,  in  his  sing-song  dialect,  a 
few  of  the  foregoing  facts  concerning  the  macerator,  and 
when  he  had  concluded  Uncle  Hank  remarked  : 

“Et’s  a verificashun  ov  th’  scriptchurl  enjunctshun — ‘Dust 
tew  dust’ — pulp  tev/  pulp— don’t  ye  see?” 

As  the  party  passed  along  the  corridor  the  guide  explained 
that  one  of  the  doors  of  the  vault  containing  the  silver  coin 
is  a solid  sliding  door  of  six  tons’  weight.  Another  has  a 
ton  lock,  which  is  wound  up  every  afternoon  at  two  o’clock, 
when  the  vault  cannot  be  opened  until  eleven  o’clock  the 
next  dav,  the  time  set. 

“Ladies  an’  gemmen,  dis  am  de  Bon’  Vault,”  explained  the 
guide,  as  the  party  ranged  up  before  the  wire  screen, 
through  which  could  be  seen  the  large  steel  vault  containing 

242 


SENATOR  GEORGE  CLEMENT  PERKINS  ami  SENATOR  EUGENE  HALE,  two  sons  of  Maine,  stand 
very  rlose  together  on  all  public  questions.  The  former  having  hied  to  California  in  his  younger 
days  is  at  present  her  senior  Senator  and  lier  chief  hope  for  Presidential  honors.  Senator  Hale  has 
thrashed  the  Democrats  so  often  in  Maine  that  three  colleges  have  conferred  the  degree  of  L.L.U. 
upon  him,  which,  being  liberally  Interpreted,  means,  "Lay-Low-Democrats. 

243 


AROUND  THE  CAPITAL. 


the  United  States  Bonds  deposited  by  the  five  thousand  Na- 
tional Banks  of  the  country  to  secure  their  circulation. 

“Dis  yere  Bon’  Vault  contains  two  hundred  an’  fifty  luill- 
yuns  ob  dollahs,”  cried  the  ebony  guide,  rolling  the  words 
over  his  tongue  like  a rich  morsel.  “Dat  small  pahsel  dar,” 
continued  he,  pointing  to  a small  package  placed  temptingly 
just  beyond  reach,  “contains  foah  millyun  dollahs.” 

This  package  of  bonds  belonged  to  one  of  the  National 
Banks  of  New  York.  It  was  deposited  in  accordance  with 
the  law  that  requires  a national  bank  to  deposit  twenty-five 
per  cent,  of  its  capital  in  Lmited  States  bonds  with  the 
Treasury. 

“Thet  shows  haow  th’  banks  make  money — fust  they  draw 
int’rest  on  them  bonds,  en  then  they  loan  aout  th’  notes  et 
a good  rate  ov  int’rest,  tew.  By  crackee,  et  seems  like  ez 
haow  et  ought  tew  be  a good  biz’ness.” 

“Dis  am  de  cash  room  whar  de  notes  am  passed  out  fo 
circelashun,”  warbled  the  guide,  as  the  party  entered  a large, 
handsome  apartment  on  the  main  floor,  walled  with  varie- 
gated marble  and  surrounded  with  a public  gallery.  Here, 
again,  was  the  tantalizing  wire  screen  that  separated  the 
visitors  from  the  tempting  packages  of  beautiful  new  bank 
notes  that  seemed  to  lie  about  in  riotous  confusion. 

The  guide  now  took  leave  of  the  party,  allowing  its  mem- 
bers to  wander  at  will  over  the  big  building,  examining  its 
seemingly  endless  array  of  offices,  of  which  there  are  two 
hundred  on  each  floor. 

The  Treasury  Building  is  a most  imposing  structure,  con- 

244 


-CLAUDE  KiTCHIN. 

NC.  M.C 


J.E.RANIDEI.L.M.C. 

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SOME  SOUTHERN  MEMBERS  OF  CONGRESS. 

245 


AROUND  THE  CAPITAL. 


structed  after  the  style  of  the  Temple  of  Minerva  at  Athens. 
Its  colonnade  of  thirty-eight  Ionic  columns,  fronting  on 
Fifteenth  Street,  gives  it  an  appearance  of  enduring  so- 
lidity that  is  not  equalled  by  any  other  public  building  in 
Washington,  save  that  of  the  Capitol  itself. 

As  Uncle  Hank  departed  from  the  building  he  noticed  in 
a large  lunch  room  opposite,  a num.ber  of  girls  eating  their 
frugal  noon-day  lunch,  whom  he  had  witnessed  a few  min- 
utes before  handling  millions  of  dollars  of  LMcle  Sam’s  cash. 

“Et  must  be  quite  a drop  frum  hevin'  millyuns  en  yer 
possesshun,  tew  git  daown  tew  eatin’  a fifteen-cent  lunch,” 
exclaimed  he  as  he  requested  the  waiter  to  bring  him  “some 
beans — Bostin  style,  please?” 


246 


AROUND  THE  CAPITAL. 


CHAPTER  XX. 


ST.\TE,  WAR  AND  NAVY. 


a 


NCLE  SAM  has  the  largest  and  most  pretentious 
office  building  in  the  world.  Notwithstanding  this 
fact,  this  building,  large  as  it  is,  is  not  large 
enough  to  contain  the  pugnacious  heads  of  depart- 


ments  without  friction. 

The  corridors  are  wide  and  spacious,  so  wide  in  fact  that 
the  Secretary  of  War  and  the  General  of  the  Army  fre- 
quently pass  each  other  without  speaking,  and  on  one  occa- 
sion the  Adjutant  General  of  the  Army  did  not  recognize  the 
Lieutenant  General  as  he  passed  by  in  the  spacious  vestibule. 
Of  course,  this  sort  of  thing  has  been  variously  miscon- 
strued by  evil-minded  persons,  who  have  gone  so  far  as  to 
suggest  that  the  government  should  enlarge  the  building, 
and  that  this  enlargement  should  take  the  form  of  a twenty- 
four-foot  ring,  such  as  is  used  by  certain  low-lived  pugilists 
to  settle  their  disputes. 

There  are  two  miles  of  corridors  and  over  five  hundred 
rooms  in  this  colossal  building.  The  granite  stairways, 
bronze  balusters  and  entire  construction  make  it  entirely 
fire-proof  and  well  calculated  to  withstand  the  heated  dis- 
putes that  frequently  break  out  between  the  departments. 


247 


AROUND  THE  CAPITAL. 


The  Navy  Department  occupies  the  east  wing,  the  War 
Department  the  west  wing,  and  the  State  Department  the 
south.  At  present  General  Miles  and  Admiral  Dewey  are 
allowed  to  communicate  without  restraint  with  their  dif- 
ferent offices  throughout  the  building  when  the  secretaries 
o-f  their  respective  departments  are  presenr. 

The  Secretary  of  State  occupies  a sumptuous  suite  of 
offices  on  the  second  floor  overlooking  the  park.  The  Dip- 
lomatic room,  a long  and  stately  room  assigned  to  confer- 
ences with  representatives  of  foreign  governments,  is,  per- 
haps, the  most  interesting,  as  it  contains  many  attractive  fea- 
tures. Fine  oil  paintings  of  Henry  Clay,  Daniel  Web- 
ster, Hamilton  Fish,  and  Lord  Ashburton  and  others  adorn 
its  walls.  This  room  is  said  to  have  been  arranged  by  Sec- 
retary Hamilton  Fish. 

The  State  Library  is  the  most  entertaining  room  in  this 
department,  for  it  contains  a precise  fac  simile  of  the  Dec- 
laration of  Independence,  that  much  neglected  document, 
which  is  slowly  disintegrating  and  fading  away,  notwith- 
standing the  efforts  to  preserve  it  by  hermetically  sealing 
it  between  heavy  plates  of  glass. 

Here  may  also  be  seen  the  sword  of  Washington  (the 
Father  of  his  country  must  have  had  an  armory  of  swords) 
the  identical  sword  he  carried  through  all  his  campaigns, 
and  also  the  desk  on  which  Jefferson  drafted  the  Declara- 
tion of  Independence. 

Another  curious  exhibit  of  this  room  is  a copy  of  the 
Pekin  Gazette,  the  oldest  newspaper  in  the  world,  having 

248 


r 


JOHN  HAY.  Secretary  of 
State  and  Poet,  author  of 
“Little  Breeches,”  and  a suc- 
cessful mender  of  little 
breaches  in  diplomatic  rela- 
tions wilft  foreigir  govern- 
ments— Private  secretary  to 
President  Lincoln  and  princi- 
pal secretary  to  Presidents 
McKinley  and  Roosevelt. 
Motto— “Make  Hay  while  the 
sun  shines.” 


249 


L 


AROUND  THE  CAPITAL. 


JLI5TICE  JOHN  H HARLAN. 


been  issued  daily  since  the  eighth  century — the  original  yel- 
low journal. 

Of  course,  Uncle  Hank's  inquisitive  nature  would  not 
permit  him  to  overlook  this  interesting  department.  As  he 
entered  the  room  his  eye  caught  the  framed  Declaration 
of  Independence. 

'“Et  makes  tarnal  good  readin’  noaw-days !”  he  exclaimed, 
“en  I’ll  swan  ef  thet  portrait  ov  George  th’  third  hain’t 
lookin’  right  at  et — en  et  seems  to  make  his  eyes  blink.” 
He  examined  the  relics  curiously  until  he  came  to  Frank- 
lin’s court  dress,  buttons  and  staff.  “Old  Ben  waz  very 
diplermatic — when  we  needed  ther  help  on  t’other  side.” 

This  library  is  a very  notable  one,  fully  equal  to  that  of 
Great  Britain’s  in  importance.  It  includes  over  sixty  thou- 
sand books  on  international  law,  history,  biography  and  di- 
plomacy. The  government  has  expended  vast  sums  to  secure 
the  valuable  works  comprised  in  this  collection.  Forty-five 
thousand  dollars  were  paid  for  the  complete  papers  of 
Washington,  which  are  bound  into  three  hundred  and 
thirty-six  volumes.  Twenty-five  thousand  dollars  was  the 
cost  of  the  Madison  papers,  comprising  seventy-five 
volumes.  The  records  and  papers  of  Jefferson,  Monroe, 
Hamilton  and  Franklin,  aggregating  about  two  hundred 
and  fifty-six  volumes,  cost  over  seventy-five  thousand  dol- 
lars. 

LTncle  Hank  noted  the  sword  of  General  Andrew  Jack- 
son  hanging  in  a glass  case,  as  he  was  about  to  leave  the 
room. 

250 


GENERAL  NELSON  A.  MILES,  the  intrepid  hero  of  thousands  of  engagements— with  pho- 
tographers, is  a man  of  undoubted  courage,  facing  the  enemy  unflinchingly  whether  in- 
trenched in  strong  fortifications  or  behind  formidable  cameras.  His  desperate  encounter 
during  the  Spanish- American  War  with  the  Armour-Clad  Beef  Ring  is  reiuemhCftd  W 

oae  ol  the  notable  teats  ol  that  sanguinary  chapter  ol  History. 

251 


L 


AROUND  THE  CAPITAL. 


“Thel’s  right !”  he  exclaimed,  “put  away  th’  sords  en 
glass  cases — ther  relics  ov  pas<-  ages.  Whar  Gineral  Jack- 
son  drew  his  sord,  Pierpint  Morgan  draws  his  check.” 

As  he  sauntered  down  the  corridor,  he  occasionally 
stopped  to  examine  the  contents  of  the  various  glass  cases 
that  he  encountered. 

“Thet’s  haow  them  revolooshunary  soljers  hed  ought  tew 
hev  looked,”  he  mused,  as  he  looked  at  some  life-size 
figures  in  bright,  continental  army  uniforms,  “but  jedgin’ 
by  sum  ov  th’  duds  thet’s  still  presarved  en  Nco  England, 
ov  them  days,  I reckon  they  wore  any  old  rags  they  cud 
git  holt  ov.” 

The  old  man  now  made  his  way  over  to  the  western 
part  of  the  building,  where  the  War  Department  is  en- 
trenched. Here  he  inspected  the  elegant  offices  of  the  Sec- 
retary of  War  and  his  assistant  secretaries. 

After  spending  some  time  in  examining  the  interesting  ' 
portraits  that  embellished  the  walls  and  admiring  the  hand- 
some furniture  with  which  these  apartments  were  fitted  up, 
he  somewhat  listlessly  wandered  out  into  the  corridor  again.  ' 
Not  looking  particularly  where  he  was  going,  he  collided 
with  a rather  distinguished  looking  gentleman,  with  slight- : 
ly  gray  hair  and  rather  prominent  nose. 

Not  wishing  to  appear  rude,  he  hastily  apologized. 

“Ef  I hain’t  mistaken,  this  ez  th’  Secretary  ov  War?”  ejac-' 
ulated  the  old  man. 

“Quite  right — anything  I can  do  for  you?”  inquired  the: 
gentleman,  in  a cheery  tone. 

25% 


SEC.  OF  WAR,  ELIHU  ROOT, 
one  of  the  greatest  military 
tacticians  ever  turned  out  by 
a law  office,  is  actively  en- 
gaged in  planning  campaigns 
to  subdue  the  hostiles  to  the 
administration  who  are  se- 
creted in  sundry  Senate  Com- 
mittee rooms  under  the  com- 
mand of  Oen.  Miles  and 
others,  to  whom  he  is  known 
as  tho  “root"  of  all  evil. 


253 


AROUND  THE  CAPITAL. 


MA.COOPB.W.M.C. 


‘'Wall,  ye  see,  I've  jest  bin  en  ycr  offis  admirin’  ycr 
beautiful  furnitur’.” 

“Well,  what  did  you  admire  most?’’ 

“Thet  big  arm-cheer  at  yer  desk.” 

“What  led  you  to  admire  that  in  particular?” 

“I  calc'late  et  ’twas  becos  et  waz  th’  Seat  ov  War.” 

“You  didn’t  see  the  Dogs  of  War  in  there,  did  you?” 
“No,  I didn’t.  En  I reckon,  ’twas  cos  they  hed  caught 
th’  hy’rofoby  from  th’  water-cure  en  th’  Phillypines.”  This 
shot  settled  the  Secretary,  who  suddenly  found  he  had 
urgent  business  to  attend  to.  As  he  disappeared  within 
his  office.  Uncle  Hank  noted  that  there  was  nothing  very 
warlike  in  his  appearance.  But,  perhaps,  in  the  words  of 
Byron : 

“Many  a zvithcring  thought 
Lies  hid,  not  lost.” 

The  Navy  Department,  in  the  east  of  the  building,  next 
engaged  the  old  man’s  attention.  Beautiful  models  of  war 
ships  enclosed  in  glass  cases,  were  to  be  seen  in  different 
parts  of  the  passage  ways. 

“Fine  leetle  boats,  them,”  he  remarked  to  an  official,  who 
seemed  to  be  taking  life  easy,  and  who,  he  rightly  judged, 
would  talk. 

“Very  fine  models,  indeed,”  was  the  reply.  “A  ship  has 
to  go  through  the  ten  bureaus  presided  over  by  the  Sec- 
retary of  the  Navy,  before  it  is  a finished  product.” 

254 


I 


SKCUETARY  MOODY,  of  the  Navy,  ia  as  fine  a Tar  as  ever  spliced  a rudder  or  ree'ed  a ,Tih-hoom. 
It  is  not.  true  (a.s  has  been  asserted  Ity  some  of  his  friends)  that  he  is  taking  lessons  from  a pionii- 
iient  pugilist,  to  learn  how  to  Box  the  Compass. 


AROUND  THE  CAPITAL. 


“Thet’s  wuss  then  goin’  thru  a battle !"  exclaimed  Uncle 
Hank. 

“Yes,  she  must  have  a good  pilot  to  escape  the  reefs  and 
submerged  mines  of  those  different  bureaus.’’ 

“Wall,  I reckon  th’  harder  they  cannonade  her,  th’ 
stronger  she’ll  be  en  battle.’’ 

“It  is  the  most  efficient  system  that  could  be  devised 
to  strengthen  a navy.” 

“Aour  navy  hez  never  failed  us  yit,  so  I guess  th’  sys- 
tem’s all  right.  Haow’s  th’  new  Secretary,  Moody?” 

“Moody?— not  at  all;  he’s  the  jolliest  Secretary  we  ever 
had.” 

“Wall,  thet  speaks  well  fer  th’  new  Secretary,  consider- 
in’ he’s  not  Secretary  long.” 

As  Uncle  Hank  proceeded  on  his  way  down  the  cor- 
ridor, the  official  scratched  his  head  in  an  endeavor  to  as- 
certain just  what  the  old  man  meant. 

After  inspecting  the  Naval  Library,  and  after  facetiously 
inquiring  for  such  national  works  as  “Ships  That  Pass  in 
the  Night,”  “Three  IMen  in  a Pjoat,”  and  similar  books, 
he  departed  for  pastures  new,  to  the  great  relief  of  the 
mystified  attendants. 


256 


AROUND  THE  CAPITAL. 


CHAPTER  XXI. 

THE  WHITE  HOUSE. 

CHE  wind  was  blowing  strenuously  from  the  north- 
west ; the  great  heavy  boughs  of  the  trees  were 
bleeding  in  response,  and  clouds  of  dust  filled  the 
air  when  Uncle  Hank  reached  the  gate  of  the  White 
House  grounds. 

It  was  a strenuous  day.  Even  the  songs  of  the  birds 
seeemed  to  be  imbued  with  more  than  ordinary  energy. 

As  the  old  man  walked  up  the  asphalt  path  that  leads 
to  the  Executive  Mansion,  his  tall  hat  was  suddenly  “ping- 
ponged”  with  a pebble,  and  went  sailing  over  the  lawn  ac- 
companied by  a shrill  war-whoop  of  exultation  from  a tree 
branch  above. 

As  he  started  to  recover  his  hat,  he  was  suddenly  star- 
tled by  the  swish  of  a rapidly  moving  bicycle  that  just 
escaped  him,  as  he  made  a three-foot  leap  to  one  side. 
Theodore  Roosevelt,  Junior,  was  on  his  way  to  school. 

As  the  old  man  stooped  to  reach  for  his  hat,  it  took  an- 
other bounce,  as  it  was  struck  by  another  pebble ; and 
another  cry  of  exultation  came  from  the  youthful  marks- 
man, who  proved  to  be  Kermit,  the  President’s  second  son, 


MISS  .SIGSBEt 


tSAutHTtR  «>F  CAPT. 


257 


AROUND  THE  CAPITAL. 


who  was  safely  ensconced  in  the  tree,  and  who  was  an  adept 
in  the  use  of  his  little  sling-shot. 

Uncle  Hank,  who  was  ever  good  natured,  and  ready 
for  a joke  at  another's  expense,  and  equally  ready  to  take 
one  at  his  own,  looked  up  into  the  tree  and  shook  his 
finger  warningly  at  the  youngster  who  shouted  with  great 
satisfaction  and  glee,  at  the  success  of  his  last  shot. 

When  the  old  man  recovered  his  hat,  he  lost  no  time  in 
getting  beyond  the  range  of  the  youthful  marksman,  but 
he  kept  his  eye  wide  open  after  this  experience.  It  was 
well  he  did  so,  for  just  as  he  reached  the  steps,  off  came 
his  hat  again. 

Quentin,  the  President’s  third  son,  had  stretched  a thread 
from  one  of  the  columns  of  the  portico  to  an  adjacent 
window,  at  such  a height  that  it  just  intercepted  the  tall 
hat  of  the  old  man  and  sent  it  scurrying  across  the  as- 
phalt walk.  Ethel,  his  sister,  was  standing  close  to  the 
window,  her  little  nose  pressed  against  the  pane,  eagerly 
watching  the  outcome  of  Quentin’s  neatly  set  trap. 

Once  more  the  old  man  regained  his  hat,  but  this  time 
he  retained  it  in  his  hand,  as  he  entered  the  portals  of  the 
mansion. 

Although  Uncle  Hank  was  quite  ready  to  forgive  the 
pranks  of  the  Roosevelt  children,  for  he  had  heard  all 
sorts  of  stories  in  regard  to  their  strenuousness,  he  was 
not,  however,  prepared  for  the  violent  introduction  to  the 
President’s  private  secretary,  which  he  received  shortly 
after  he  entered  the  spacious  hall. 

258 


I 


It  has  been  stated  that  when  ATTORNEY  GENERAL  PHILANDER  C.  KNOX  goes  gunning 
for  the  Trusts  he  persistently  turns  his  head  in  the  wrong  direction.  General  Knox 
being  a very  careful  lawyer  is  also  a very  careful  hunter,  and  if  he  is  apparently  looking 
in  the  wrong  direction  for  his  game  it  is  because  he  is  carefuLy  surveying  the  field 
in  search  of  other  game  that  might  be  frightened  off  at  the  sound  of  his  gun. 

259 


AROUND  THE  CAPITAL. 


mm 


He  stood  with  his  back  to  the  stairway  leading  to  the 
floor  above,  with  his  hat  in  his  hand,  awaiting  an  oppor- 
tunity to  make  inquiries  of  a gentleman  who  stood  with 
his  back  to  him,  whom,  he  concluded,  from  the  conversa- 
tion which  he  inadvertently  overheard  between  this  gen- 
tleman and  a rather  neatly  dressed  colored  gentleman, 
whom  he  recognized  as  Booker  Washington — having  met 
him  before  on  another  occasion — was  the  President’s  pri- 
vate secretary.  Just  as  the  latter  was  about  to  turn  around, 
a wild  screech  pierced  the  air  of  the  quiet  hall-way,  and 
the  next  instant  the  old  man  was  hurled  with  great  force 
against  the  secretary,  who,  in  turn,  caromed  against  the 
colored  man,  and  the  three,  or  rather  four,  were  piled 
in  a heap  near  the  door.  Archie,  the  President’s  youngest 
son,  had  slidden  down  the  banister,  and  had  landed  in  the 
center  of  the  old  man’s  back.  The  Yankee  farmer  was 
the  first  to  catch  his  breath;  as  he  regained  his  feet  after 
dusting  off  ids  coat  and  trousers  witli  his  umbrella,  and 
punching  out  the  dents  in  his  tall  hat,  he  remarked; 
“ ’Tain’t  no  use  findin’  fault  with  them  kids ; what’s  bred 
en  th’  bone’ll  cum  aout  en  th’  flesh.”  Then  turning  to  the 
colored  gentleman,  he  inquired  if  he  was  hurt,  bu  that 
gentleman  had  struck  the  wall  with  his  head,  and  a rub 
or  two  with  his  hand  was  all  that  was  necessary  to  enable 
him  to  again  recover  his  composure. 

As  for  little  Archie,  no  one  seemed  to  think  it  nec- 
essary to  inquire  how  he  had  come  out  of  the  concussion; 


2G0 


AMOi  1..A.I.I-EN  .M.C. 


AROUND  THE  CAPITAL 

he  was  like  a rubber  ball,  and  was  soon  scanipcring  up  the 
stairs  again  for  another  slide. 

The  private  secretary  was  at  first  inclined  to  re- 
buke the  youngster,  but  upon  second  thought,  concluded 
to  laugh  it  off.  At  this  juncture  a well  built  man  with 
broad  shoulders,  surmounted  by  a large,  well-shaped  head, 
approached  the  old  man  with  an  extended  hand. 

“How  d’ye  do,  Uncle !’’  exclaimed  he,  as  he  warmly 
greeted  the  old  man. 

“President  Roosevelt ! Pm  right  glad  tew  see  ye,”  cried 
the  old  man,  as  he  seized  the  extended  hand  and  shook  it 
warmly.  “I  haven't  seen  ye  sence  th’  Pan-Ameriky  Show. 
Plaow  d’ye  like  yer  new  job?’’ 

“Oh,  it  doesn’t  differ  materially  from  my  life  on  the 
plains,”  replied  the  Chief  Executive.  “Turning  down  a 
Congressman  is  like  ‘throwing’  a steer  in  the  herd,  while 
a political  Boss  often  reminds  me  forcibly  of  a bucking 
broncho ; if  you  go  the  right  way  about  it,  you  can  ea.sily 
master  him.”  This  was  said  with  no  air  of  bravado,  but 
with  a most  apparent  air  of  conviction  born  of  experience. 

“Yer  ranch  ez  enfested  with  road  agints,”  remarked  the 
old  man,  sardonically. 

“How  so?”  inciuired  the  President. 

“The  Trusts,”  replied  he. 

“Those  obnoxious  Trusts!”  e.xclaimed  the  President,  with 
a look  of  annoyance  on  his  countenance. 

“Ef  Atturney  Gineral  Knox’ll  roll  up  his  sleeves  en  let 


262 


AROUND  THE  CAPITAL. 


’’‘^'Gaines, 


I 


em  hev  a few  hard  nox,  I reckon  they  won’t  be  so  tarnal 
noxshus,”  said  the  old  man. 

The  President  showed  a double  line  of  white  teeth,  as 
he  laughed  at  this  observation. 

“I  have  a great  multiplicity  of  matters  to  engage  my 
attention  this  morning.  See  me  after  the  reception.  1 
want  to  walk  out  in  the  country  with  you !”  said  the  Pres- 
ident, in  his  quick,  energetic  style,  as  he  bounced  up  the 
stairway  three  steps  at  a time,  leaving  Uncle  Hank  to  min- 
gle with  the  crowds  that  were  constantly  arriving  for  the 
public  reception  that  was  shortly  to  take  place  in  the  Blue 
Room. 

Visitors  to  the  White  House  are  divided  by  sharply 
drawn  lines  of  distinction.  For  instance,  if  you  occupy 
an  exalted  sphere  in  life  and  your  name  is  prefixed  with 
Sen.  or  Gen.,  or  equally  distinguished  marks  of  importance, 
you  may  have  access  to  the  inner  portals  to  the  lair  of  the 
Chief  Executive.  But  if,  on  the  other  hand,  you  are  but 
one  of  the  common  herd,  with  nothing  more  distinguished 
than  Mr.  with  which  to  prefix  your  name,  the  East  Room 
is  as  far  as  you  will  likely  get. 

This  is  the  great  public  room  of  the  White  House. 
Here  crowds  of  visitors  usually  congregate  as  soon  as  they 
reach  the  mansion,  and  lose  no  time  in  proceeding  to 
inspect  its  attractive  features. 

The  first  thing  to  attract  the  attention,  is  the  large  paint- 
ing of  George  Washington,  which  was  believed  to  have 
been  painted  by  Gilbert  Stuart ; but  it  has  since  been  dis- 

264 


THE  ARMY  AND  NAVY  CLUB. 

Admiral  Schley  taking  a stroll  on  Connecticut  Avenuo. 

S<)5 


AROUND  THE  CAPITAL. 


covered  to  be  the  work  of  a comparatively  obscure,  English 
artist.  This  is  the  painting  that  was  hastily  removed  from 
the  White  House,  on  the  arrival  of  the  British  soldiers,  in 
1814,  by  Vk'ashington's  nephew,  Mr.  Custis,  who  hastened 
over  from  Arlington  for  that  purpose. 

A fine  full-length  portrait  of  Mrs.  Martha  Washington, 
as  well  as  portraits  of  Thomas  Jefferson  and  Abraham 
Lincoln,  also  adorns  this  room. 

This  East  Room  is  probably  the  best  known  room  in 
the  White  House,  as  no  visitor  thinks  of  leaving  the  city 
without  seeing  it.  Here  Maine  rubs  elbows  with  Cali- 
fornia, and  plain  Mrs.  Oklahoma  marvels  at  the  wonder- 
ful elegance  of  the  imported  costume  of  Miss  New  York. 

Adjoining  this  room  is  the  Green  Room,  the  prevailing 
tone  of  which  is  a pale  green  tint ; and  close  by  it  the 
famous  Blue  Room,  where  the  President’s  receptions  are 
held. 

At  every  large  public  reception  the  guests  are  received 
with  appropriate  style  and  dismissed  with  a “stile,”  since 
the  halls  could  not  be  cleared  without  passing  the  guests 
out  by  means  of  steps,  with  which  the  window-sill  is 
bridged  on  such  occasions. 

These  public  receptions  are  notable  affairs.  A line  is 
usually  formed,  extending  as  far  as  Seventeenth  Street. 
After  crossing  the  threshold  of  the  White  House,  the  line 
is  single  filed  through  the  vestibule,  the  corridor  and  the 
Red  Room  to  the  Blue  Room,  where  the  President  shakes 
hands  with  every  visitor.  A great  many  of  thes^  visit- 

266 


2G7 


AROUND  THE  CAPITAL. 


m 

JU4TICC  r.Cu.fniM4*JR, 


ors  think  this  is  the  main  function  of  a President  and  act 
accordingly. 

Often  the  smile  on  the  President’s  face  will  indicate 
more  than  his  kindliness  of  feeling,  for  the  studied  effort 
of  the  visitor  to  be  impressive — (as  in  the  case  of  a for- 
eigner who  bowed  very  low,  before  he  deigned  to  take  the 
proffered  hand) — is  often  amusing.  Occasionally  a horny- 
handed  Westerner  will  grip  the  President’s  hand  with  a 
vise-like  grasp  that  will  make  him  wince,  but  not  often ; | 

for  President  Roosevelt  has  acquired  a trick  of  getting  i 
“first  hold,’’  which  precludes  the  possibility  of  a disastrous  | 
“squeeze.’’ 

From  the  small  hall  between  the  East  Room  and  the 
vestibule,  a stairway  ascends  to  a wide  middle  hall,  on  either  ^ 
side  of  which  are  the  offices  of  the  President.  At  the  head 
of  these  stairs  is  the  Cabinet  Room.  Closely  adjacent,  is 
the  room  devoted  to  the  private  secretary.  It  is  a nar- 
row apartment  and  often  crowded  to  the  limit.  It  is  a well- 
known  fact  that  more  accommodation  for  the  President  is  i 
a pressing  necessity;  but  the  historic  White  House,  from 
the  point  of  tradition,  is  one  of  the  relics  of  our  past,  which 
should  not  be  immolated  upon  the  altar  of  progress. 

The  removal  of  the  business  offices  from  the  White  House 
will  make  it  more  truly  a home  for  the  President,  but  a 
new  Executive  Mansion  is  a necessity  that  cannot  much 
longer  be  deferred.  At  present  it  is  entirely  inadequate 
to  the  necessities  of  an  ordinary  Chief  Executive,  not  to 
mention  a strenuous  one. 


268 


THE  WHITE  HOUSE  AT  THE  HEIGHT  OF  THE  SEASON. 

2G9 


L. 


AROUND  THE  CAPITAL. 


CHAPTER  XXII. 

A STRENUOUS  WALK. 


CHERE  was  a great  crowd  of  sight-seers  congested 
about  the  main  entrance  to  the  White  House,  bent 
upon  gaining  admittance  to  the  building,  to  idly 
prowl  about  its  interior  in  pursuance  of  idle  curios- 
ity. Suddenly  there  was  a great  commotion  in  the  center  of 
the  mass,  and  immediately  after  a stalwart  figure  shot  out, 
hurling  them  right  and  left  after  the  manner  of  a Brooklyn- 
ite making  his  way  through  the  mass  of  humanity  which 
usually  congregates  at  the  entrance  to  the  Brooklyn  Bridge 
during  rush  hours. 

As  the  wellbuilt  figure  bounded  along  the  asphalt,  many 
were  the  exclamations  of  admiration  that  emanated  from 
the  crowd,  as  it  proceeded  to  retrieve  the  various  bits  of 
head-gear  that  had  been  unceremoniously  dislodged  by  the 
strenuous  exit  of  the  Chief  Executive ; for  it  was  none 
other  than  he,  who  was  about  to  take  his  regular  walk 
into  the  bucolic  regions,  where  the  fields  are  broad  and  the 
vista  is  unobstructed. 

Uncle  Hank,  mindful  of  the  request  of  the  President  to 
take  a walk  with  him  into  the  country,  was  waiting  in 
readiness  for  his  advent,  and  as  soon  as  he  perceived  the 

270 


AROUND  THE  CAPITAL. 


Hoar 


athletic  figure  of  the  Chief  Executive,  he  hastened  to  join 
him. 

The  wind  was  blowing  sharply,  so  the  old  man  took 
a firm  grip  at  his  tall  hat  and  pulled  it  down  tighter  on 
his  head  to  prevent  it  blowing  off  at  the  quick  pace  they 
were  now  moving. 

The  old  man's  gait  was  somewhat  ungainly,  when  com- 
pared with  the  elastic  and  springy  stride  of  his  companion, 
and  it  was  a rather  difficult  matter  for  him  to  keep  step,  as 
he  had  an  awkward  habit  of  throwing  his  heavily  l)0oted 
foot  too  high  in  the  air,  so  that  when  it  reached  the  ground 
it  did  so  with  a resounding  whack  on  the  extreme  end 
of  the  heel,  which  seemed  to  jar  the  old  man  from  stem 
to  stern  at  every  step. 

As  the  pair  reached  the  gate,  the  President  leaped  grace- 
fully over  the  imbedded  cannon  that  serves  as  a bulwark 
to  encroacbing  carriage  wheels.  Uncle  Hank  endeavored 
to  do  likewise,  but  his  effort  ended  in  disaster;  the  heel 
of  his  boot  catching  on  the  rim  of  the  cannon’s  mouth, 
threw  him  unceremoniously  in  a heap  on  the  sidewalk. 

He  soon  gathered  himself  up,  however,  and  they  were 
again  on  their  way. 

The  President  seemed  to  be  in  an  abstracted  mood : his 
eyes  were  focused  on  distant  objects  and  he  seemed  obliv- 
ious to  his  surroundings.  He  was  evidently  thinking  of 
some  intricate  matter  of  state.  As  for  the  old  man,  his 
mind  was  chiefly  concerned  with  the  idea  of  how  long 
he  would  last  if  this  gait  was  kept  up. 

272 


FROLICKING  IN  TIIK  Vv’HITIi:  LOT. 


.tO 


AROUND  THE  CAPITAL. 


Every  one  seemed  to  recognize  the  President  as  the 
pair  rushed  by,  and  on  one  occasion  an  over-zealous  police- 
man tried  to  arrest  Uncle  Hank,  thinking  that  he  was  fol- 
lowing the  Chief  Magistrate  for  the  purpose  of  doing  him 
bodily  harm.  But  he  successfully  explained,  that  being  un- 
able to  keep  up  with  his  more  lusty  companion,  he  was 
merely  putting  on  more  steam  to  enable  him  to  accelerate 
his  pace. 

The  pedestrians  were  soon  out  in  the  country,  and  as 
they  dashed  along  the  dusty  roads,  the  farmers  would 
stop  their  work  in  the  fields  to  watch  them. 

Suddenly,  as  they  came  to  a bend  in  the  road,  the  Pres- 
ident’s eye  caught  sight  of  a herd  of  cattle  being  driven 
to  pasture.  His  eyes  brightened  perceptibly,  as  the  lowing 
herd  approached. 

Redoubling  his  steps,  he  was  soon  in  the  midst  of  the 
scampering  cows,  and  seizing  the  horns  of  one  of  the  larg- 
est, he  was  soon  astride  of  her  back,  yelling  like  an  In- 
dian boy  on  his  first  pony. 

Into  the  pasture  field  the  thoroughly  frightened  cow 
dashed  with  her  unusual  burden.  After  encircling  the  field 
several  times,  she  quieted  down,  when  her  rider  dismounted 
as  gracefully  as  an  expert  circus  equestrian  would  do  on 
the  completion  of  a particularly  graceful  performance  in 
the  ring. 

This  boyish  prank  seemed  to  please  the  President  huge- 
ly, and  he  was  all  smiles  when  he  regained  the  roadway. 

“That’s  the  best  fun  I’ve  had  since  I was  out  in  Yellow- 

276 


AROUND  THE  CARITAL. 


stone  Park,  chasing  the  mountain  lions!"  he  exclaiinch 
with  enthusiasm. 

“Thet’s  the  way  tew  handle  th’  publick  questshuns  ov 
th’  clay — take  em  by  th’  horns  en  ride  em  daown  till  ye 
master  ’em!”  replied  the  old  man,  joining  in  the  enthusi- 
asm of  the  moment. 

They  now  concluded  to  return  to  the  city,  as  the  clouds 
were  lowering  for  a storm.  As  they  sped  down  the 
avenue  to  the  White  House,  it  was  all  the  old  man  could 
do  to  keep  up  with  his  distinguished  companion,  and  he 
was  thoroughly  tired  cut,  as  their  trip  had  extended  sev- 
eral miles  into  the  country. 

Turning  the  corner  of  Seventeenth  Street  so  as  to  enter 
the  Executive  Mansion  at  the  rear,  they  passed  the  White 
Lot.  Here  they  encountered  a youthful  equestrian  on  a 
beautiful  piebald  pony,  riding  furiously  around  the  cir- 
cular park.  Occasionally  he  would  stand  erect  in  his  stir- 
rups and  emit  a war-whoop  as  he  chased  another  youth 
on  a bicycle. 

“That  boy,  Quentin,  is  going  to  make  a fine  rider!” 
exclaimed  the  President  in  admiration  at  the  fearless  man- 
ner in  which  his  little  son  managed  the  pony. 

“Thar  may  be  another  San  Juan  Hill  tew  charge  up 
when  he  gits  tew  be  a man,”  remarked  the  old  man. 

“And  another  troop  of  Rough  Riders  to  organize  some 
day,”  rejoined  the  President. 

“Like  father,  like  son,”  commented  the  old  man,  as  the 
President  disappeared  in  the  direction  of  the  White  House. 

278 


AROUND  THE  CAPITAL. 


CHAPTER  XXIII. 


A CLIMn  OF  NINF  HUNDRED  STEPS. 


M « E had  come  all  the  way  from  California  to  scatter  his 
wife's  ashes  from  the  top  of  the  Washington  Monu- 

^ He  was  tall  and  spare  of  frame  and  his  prominent 
nose  was  bridged  with  antique  spectacles,  over  the  rims  of 
which  he  had  a curious  habit  of  looking  quizzically,  when 
spoken  to.  His  countenance  was  of  the  mournful  kind,  like 
unto  one  who  saw  naught  hut  woe  on  this  side  of  the  grave. 
And  he  had  come  thousands  of  miles  to  carry  out  the  dying 
wish  of  the  partner  of  his  life’s  joys — or  was  it  woes? 

As  he  approached  the  imposing  shaft  of  white  marble, 
with  his  eyes  uplifted  to  heaven,  towards  which  the  obelisk 
eloquently  pointed,  he  gave  vent  to  a sigh  that  attracted 
the  attention  of  Uncle  Hank,  wdio  was  standing  at  the 
base  of  the  noble  structure. 

“My  friend,"  exclaimed  the  old  man  after  the  manner  of 
one  who  was  about  to  render  a favor,  “they  won’t  let  ye 
carry  yer  lunch  box  tew  th’  top  ov  th’  monnymint." 

“My  dear  sir,"  replied  the  one  from  the  Pacific  slope, 
“this  is  not  a lunch  box.  It  is  all  that  remains  of  my  dear 
consort,  who  departed  this  life  less  than  a month  ago, 
and  whose  request,  that  after  cremation,  I should  scatter 

270 


AROUND  THE  CAPITAL. 


the  resultant  ashes  to  the  four  winds  of  heaven,  from  the 
top  of  the  Washington  INIonumcnt,  I am  about  to  com])ly 
with.” 

This  was  said  with  an  elevation  of  the  eyebrows  that 
told  more  eloquently  than  his  words  expressed,  the  respon- 
sibility he  felt  for  the  faithful  execution  of  his  wife’s 
dying  petition. 

“My  friend,  ye  han’t  do  et,”  sententiously  remarked  the 
old  man,  shaking  his  head  negatively. 

“And  why,  might  I ask?”  he  inquired,  raising  his  eye- 
brows still  higher. 

“Ye  see,  et’s  agin  th’  rools,”  explained  the  old  man. 

“I  was  not  aware  there  was  any  rule  governing  such 
a case,”  replied  the  mournful  one. 

“In  th’  fust  place,”  said  the  old  man,  “et’s  agin  th’  law 
tew  throw  anythin’  from  th’  top  ov  th’  monnymint.  En 
th’  next  place,  thar’s  alius  lots  ov  peeple  lookin’  up  et 
th’  monnymint,  en  ther  so  estonished  et  et,  thet  they  alius 
hev  ther  mouths  wide  open ; so  thet  ef  ye  shud  throw  yer 
wife’s  remains  daown  frum  th’  top ” 

The  man  from  California  waited  to  hear  no  more,  but 
grasping  his  precious  box  with  a firmer  grip,  he  hastened  to 
the  Potomac  river,  where  he  could  throw  his  affectionately 
remembered  wife’s  ashes  into  the  water,  and  not  risk  the 
danger  of  having  them  swallowed  by  a lot  of  open-mouthed 
sight-seers. 

As  for  Uncle  Hank,  after  quietly  smiling  to  himself  at 
the  man  who  wished  to  turn  the  park  into  a cemetery,  he 

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proceeded  to  walk  about  the  grounds  to  get  a more  com- 
plete view  of  the  beautiful  monument. 

“Over  five  hundred  en  fifty-five  feet  high !’’  he  said  to 
himself,  “en  th’  highest  structur’  en  the  land — a fittin’ 
monnymint  tew  th’  man  thet  stood  higher  en  th’  esteem  ov 
hiz  fellowmen  then  eny  man  b’fore.” 

“Admiring  the  monument,  uncle?”  said  a voice  at  his 
elbow. 

On  turning  around,  he  beheld  his  nephew,  Harry,  who 
had  made  an  appointment  with  him  to  climb  the  stairs  to 
the  top  of  the  structure,  to  more  leisurely  examine  the 
interesting  interior,  which  is  lined  with  memorial  stones 
from  various  sources,  as  tributes  to  the  immortal  Wash- 
ington. 

“I  waz  jest  thinkin’,  Harry,”  said  the  old  man,  “thet 
et  stands  thar  like  a gauge  tew  measur’  th’  charactur’  ov 
th’  greatest  man  that  ever  lived.” 

“Quite  right,  uncle ; and  very  fittingly  expressed,”  re- 
plied his  nephew.  “Now  for  a climb  to  the  top.” 

The  pair  then  proceeded  to  the  task  of  slowly  mounting  to 
the  top  of  the  monument,  by  means  of  the  nine  hundred 
steps  within.  As  they  passed  through  the  entrance  to  the 
interior,  they  were  looked  upon  with  wonder,  by  the  crowd 
in  the  elevator,  as  they  started  to  laboriously  climb  the 
iron  stairs,  ignoring  the  more  comfortable  means  of  reachr- 
ing the  top. 

“Forty  States  and  sixteen  cities  are  represented  in  these 

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AROUND  THE  QVPITAL.- 


memorial  stones,”  said  Harry,  as  they  readied  the  first 
landing  and  commenced  to  scrutinize  the  inscriptions. 

“Here  is  a stone  contributed  by  a lodge  of  Odd-Fellows, 
and  adjoining  is  one  from  a lodge  of  Free  Masons.” 

“Wall,  I don’t  know  ez  haow  they  could  hev  built  et 
without  them  masons,  seein’  ez  haow  et’s  built  ov  stone 
en  mortar,”  remarked  the  old  man,  jocosely. 

On  the  second  landing  they  stopped  to  examine  some 
sculptured  representations  of  antiquated  machines  donated 
by  fire  departments  of  forty  years  ago. 

“Th'  longer  this  monnymint  lasts  th’  more  curius  them 
skulptur’s’ll  look,”  remarked  the  old  man,  as  he  examined 
the  old  fire  engines. 

As  they  climbed  from  one  landing  to  another,  they  came 
across  numbers  of  curious  stones.  There  were  stones  from 
Braddock’s  Field,  the  Battlefield  of  Long  Island,  Otter’s 
Summit,  (a  lofty  peak  in  Virginia,)  the  Temple  of  ^s- 
culapius,  the  ruins  of  ancient  Carthage,  the  Tomb  of  Napo- 
leon at  St.  Helena,  the  Parthenon  in  Greece,  and  the  Alex- 
andrian Library  in  Egypt. 

“Th’  Sons  ov  Noo  England  en  Canady,”  read  Uncle 
Hank,  on  one  of  the  stones.  “Thet  looks  suspishus !”  he 
exclaimed.  “What  did  they  go  tew  Canady  fer?” 

They  had  now  reached  an  altitude  of  three  hundred  and 
ten  feet,  which  they  readily  determined  by  the  large  fig- 
ures which  were  painted  at  every  landing  in  the  stairway. 

“We  have  now  reached  the  height  of  the  Capitol,”  said 

282,. 


•■ET  STANDS  THAR  LIKE  A GAUGE  TEW  MEASUR'  TH’  CIIARACTUR  OV  Til’  GREATEST  MAN 

THET  EVER  LIVED.” 

283 


AROUND  THE  CAPITAL. 


Harry,  pointing  to  a sign  painted  on  the  wall,  indicating 
that  fact. 

i At  different  altitudes,  as  they  ascended,  they  noticed 
signs  marking  the  heights  of  various  lofty  structures 
throughout  the  world.  For  instance,  when  the  five  hun- 
dred and  twenty  foot  mark  was  reached,  a sign  indicat- 
ing this  to  be  the  height  of  St.  Peter’s  Church  at  Rome, 
was  painted  immediately  under  it. 

i|  This  was  found  to  be  a very  vivid  way  of  impressing 
upon  visitors  the  magnitude  of  the  monument. 

( After  resting  several  times  on  convenient  steps.  Uncle 
Hank  and  his  nephew  at  last  found  themselves  at  the  top ; 
a grateful  discovery,  as  the  lack  of  ventilation,  combined 
with  the  physical  exertion  necessary  to  climb  so  many  steps, 
served  to  make  them  over-heated  and  considerably  ex- 
hausted, and  when  the  free  air  above  was  reached,  it  proved 
to  be  very  exhilarating. 

It  would  be  hard  to  imagine  a more  beautiful  spectacle 
than  the  scene  from  the  top  of  the  monument  on  this  oc- 
casion. The  sun  was  shining  brightly,  and  the  atmosnherc 
was  singularly  clear,  rendering  the  most  distant  objects 
plainly  perceptible. 

“There  is  no  city  in  the  world  that  would  look  so  well 
from  so  great  an  elevation,”  said  Harry,  who  had  traveled 
in  every  clime.  “This  is  due  to  the  fact  that  its  large  pub- 
lic buildings  are  constructed  of  marble  or  granite,  and  are 
usually  surrounded  by  the  rich  green  foliage  of  parks,  which 
contrasts  beautifully  with  the  stone  work ; also  there  is  an 

284 


ON  VERMONT  AVENUE. 


Ji85 


AROUND  THE  CAPITAL. 


utter  absence  of  the  smoke  and  steam  that  pervades  the 
atmosphere  of  all  other  cities.” 

"Thar’s  th’  famous  Potomac  Flats — with  all  th’  mod- 
ern emproovmints,”  remarked  Uncle  Hank,  as  he  looked 
out  of  the  first  port-opening,  or  window,  which  looked 
southward. 

"That  is  the  famous  long  bridge,  constructed  over  sixty 
years  ago,”  explained  Harry,  who,  being  familiar  with 
the  surrounding  country,  constituted  himself  a guide  to 
his  uncle. 

“Right  over  there,”  he  continued,  “is  a number  of  re- 
mains of  fortifications  that  were  hot  places  during  the 
Civil  War.  A little  farther  along  is  the  disastrous  field  of 
Manassas ; those  hills  in  the  distance  are  in  Virginia.” 
“Th’  rebs  got  purty  close  tew  Washin’ton,”  commented 
the  old  man,  as  he  contemplated  the  scene. 

“That  prominent  bridge  you  see  yonder,”  pursued  the 
nephew,  “is  called  the  Aqueduct  bridge,  and  back  of  it  lies 
the  old  town  of  Georgetown,  while  over  on  the  Virginia 
side,  is  plainly  seen  the  Arlington  mansion,  surround- 
ing which  is  the  National  Cemetery  with  its  many  monu- 
ments, showing  like  little  white  specks  among  the  foliage !” 
Then  moving  over  to  the  next  window,  he  continued : 
“And  there’s  the  White  House,  easily  the  most  con- 
spicuous object  from  this  window;  on  the  left  is  the  State, 
War  and  Navy  building.  A little  nearer  is  the  Corcoran 
Art  Gallery.  That  distinctly  marked  avenue  extending 


280 


AROUND  THE  CAPITAL. 


beyond  the  White  House,  is  Connecticut  Avenue,  Washing- 
ton’s most  fashionable  thoroughfare. 

“We  now  come  to  the  most  beautiful  view  of  all,”  re- 
marked Harry,  looking  from  the  next  window  in  line. 
“There  is  the  beautiful,  white  Capitol  nestling  in  a bed 
of  green.  I don’t  know  where  you  can  match  that  for 
beauty,”  said  he,  with  the  enthusiasm  of  an  artist.  “Over 
its  right  wing  you  can  clearly  discern  the  Congressional 
Library,  with  its  gilt  dome  glistening  against  the  distant 
Maryland  hills.  A little  farther  to  the  right  is  the  Ana- 
costia  river ; — follow  the  stream  up  with  your  eye  and 
you  will  come  to  the  Navy  Yard.” 

And  thus,  every  object  of  interest  was  discerned  in  the 
beautiful  panorama  that  lay  stretched  below  the.m  like  a 
huge  painting  by  a master  hand,  but  far  more  beautiful 
than  any  painting  could  be. 

“Right  above,  is  the  capstone,”  further  related  he,  “on 
the  top  of  which  is  a tip,  or  point,  of  aluminum,  selected 
because  of  its  freedom  from  oxidation.” 

When  the  pair  started  to  descend  by  way  of  the  ele- 
vator, Harry  recounted  to  his  uncle  some  of  the  interest- 
ing details  of  construction  connected  with  this  wonderful 
pile  of  masonry. 

“At  the  five  hundred  foot  level,”  said  he,  as  the  elevator 
passed  the  mark,  “the  walls  are  only  eighteen  inches  thick ; 
at  the  base  they  measure  fifteen  feet.” 

Then  dropping  into  the  history  of  the  structure,  he  con- 
tinue^’ ’ 


2S8 


SENATOR  JOHN  F.  DRYDEN.of  New  Jersey.  Is  the  astute  President  of  the  Prudential  Insur- 
ance Company  of  Newark.  N.  J.,  which,  it  is  claimed,  is  as  solid  as  the  rock  at  Gibral- 
tar. As  a consequence  Its  President  is  well  supplied  with  “Rocks.”  Early  in  life  he 
was  taught  that  “Honesty  was  the  best  Policy” — he  believes  differently  now— “No  Policy 
can  equal  the  “Prudentiars.” 


289 


AROUND  THE  CAPITAL. 


“This  monument  is  the  realization  of  a popular  senti- 
ment for  a memorial  to  Washington,  which  had  its  in- 
ception before  his  death,  so  that  his  wishes  in  regard  to 
its  site  were  known  and  acceded  to,”  said  he,  reeling  off 
his  information  like  a walking  encyclopedia.  “But  the 
corner-stone  was  not  laid  until  1845,  the  monument 
was  not  completed  until  1885.  So  you  see  they  were  not 
very  energetic  in  building  it.” 

As  the  elevator  reached  the  botto.m  they  took  occasion 
to  look  up  into  the  enormous  shaft. 

“This  is  said  to  be  the  finest  and  best  piece  of  masonry 
in  the  world,”  pursued  the  nephew.  “It  has  been  found 
that  a plumb  line  suspended  from  the  top  inside  did  not  de- 
flect three-eighths  of  an  inch  from  a perpendicular 
line.” 

“Perfec’ly  upright,  like  th’  charactur’  ov  th’  immortal 
George,”  said  the  old  man,  as  he  took  a last  look  at  the 
superb  monument. 


390 


AROUND  THE  CAPITAL. 


CHAPTER  XXIV. 


THE  WORLD  IX  GLASS  CASES. 

“I  bequeath  the  whole  of  my  property  to  the  United 
States  of  America,  to  found  at  Washington,  under  the  name 
of  the  Smithsonian  Institution,  an  establishment  for  the 
increase  and  diffusion  of  knowledge  among  men.” 

CHUS  read  tlie  bequest  of  James  Smithson,  a son  of 
the  English  Duke  of  N'ortliumherland,  who  died  in 
1829.  By  tliis  legacy,  which  was  brought  to  this 
country  in  gold  sovereigns  and  recoined  into  gold 
eagles,  five  hundred  and  eight  thousand  three  hundred  and 
eighteen  dollars  and  forty-six  cents  was  made  available  for 
the  establishment  of  the  now  world  famous  Smithsonian 
Institution  and  National  Museum. 

Curious,  indeed,  has  been  the  development  of  this  won- 
derful museum.  Containing,  as  it  now  does,  over  three 
million  objects,  it  was  at  first  merely  a ragged  collection 
of  “curiosities"  which  had  been  given  to  the  institution 
principally  for  want  of  a better  place. 

The  Smithsonian  building  was  completed  in  1855,  and 
step  by  step  it  has  increased  in  .scope  and  importance. 
The  original  bequest  has  increased  to  one  million  dollars. 
The  National  IMuseum  is  under  the  direction  of  the 

291 


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shall. 


Smithsonian  Institution,  but  is  supported  by  Uncle  Sam. 
This  museum  is  made,  by  law,  the  authorized  place  of 
deposit  for  “all  objects  of  art,  archaeology,  natural  history, 
ethnology  and  geology  belonging  to  the  United  States  when 
no  longer  needed  for  investigation  in  progress.’’ 

Thus  it  happens  that  after  every  World’s  Fair,  or  Ex- 
position, a considerable  number  of  exhibits,  for  which  there 
is  no  further  use,  finds  its  way  to  this  unique  collection 
which  has  become  so  great,  that  to  attempt  to  mention  in 
detail  one  in  a hundred  would  be  an  almost  impossible  task. 

The  bulk  of  visitors  are  attracted  to  the  museum  building 
in  preference  to  the  older  Smithsonian,  which  is  poorly 
lighted  and  not  so  well  fitted  for  exhibition  purposes  as  its 
more  commodious  neighbor. 

As  Uncle  Hank  appeared  early  one  morning  at  the  main 
entrance  to  the  museum,  he  deliberately  surveyed  the  in- 
terior for  some  time.  Running  his  eye  rapidly  over  the 
multitude  of  objects  to  examine,  he  nonchalantly  exclaimed: 
“Ye  kan’t  see  this  museum  en  five  minutes !” 

Walking  over  to  the  first  glass  case  on  the  right  he  ex- 
amined curiously  the  life  and  death  masks  of  Lincoln. 
Reading  carefully  the  appended  card,  which  contained  the 
words  “MASK  OF  LINCOLN,’’  he  indignantly  snorted: 
“Hah!  et’s  a mistake — he  never  wore  a mask!’’ 

A little  farther  along  he  came  to  some  relics  of  President 
Madison  carefully  arranged  in  a large  case,  which  he  scruti- 
nized closely.  At  length  his  face  .seemed  to  take  on  a serio- 

292 


TIIK  SMITHSONIAN  INSTITUTION. 

‘^93 


AROUND  THE  CAPITAL. 


J>.H.  .SMITH.  M.C. 

K'r. 


comic  expression,  as  he  gazed  intently  at  one  of  the  objects 
witlhn. 

“I  alius  hed  a great  respekt  fer  James  Madison,  but  sum- 
times  aour  ideels  git  a rude  shock.  He  waz  a great  states- 
man, a great  skollar  an’  a man  ov  integritty,  but — he  played 
a flute !”  And  the  old  man  walked  off  like  one  who  had 
made  a disagreeable  discovery. 

Several  cases,  devoted  to  the  display  of  General  Wash- 
ington’s uniform  and  camp  outfit,  next  attracted  his  atten- 
tion. 

‘‘George  Washington ! I’m  ashamed  ov  ye,”  he  exclaimed. 
“Pewter  dishes  en  sech  common  knives,  en  them  clothes ! 
They  wudden’t  bring  much  et  a seckund-hand  store.” 

He  was,  however,  much  better  pleased  at  the  showing 
made  by  General  Grant’s  relics,  which  included  some  beau- 
tiful swords,  presents  and  testimonials  received  by  the  Gen- 
eral in  his  trip  around  the  world. 

Passing  into  the  rotunda  his  attention  was  riveted  to  the 
colossal  plaster  model  of  Crawford’s  statue  of  “Armed 
Liberty,’’  which  adorns  the  top  of  the  Capitol  Dome.  This 
statue  is  nineteen  feet  six  inches  high  and  looks  very  im- 
posing under  the  subdued  light  of  the  rotunda. 

“Liberty  cums  high,  but  we  must  hev  et,”  said  the  old 
man,  as  he  gazed  up  at  the  statue.  “En  they  call  et  Armed 
Liberty?  Wall,  thet’s  right.  Et’s  armed  with  money.  En 
th’  lielmet  hez  a big  dollar  mark  ontew  et,  en  thet  looks  like 
a money  bag  en  th’  left  hand — en,  by  ginger ! she’s  winkin’ 
with  thet  left  eye ! But  p’r’aps  et’s  all  immaginashun,  en  my 

294 


» 

I 


AROUND  THE  CAPITAL. 


XA.BUTLER 
JPE.N  NT. 


old  eyes  ez  deceivin’  me.”  And  the  old  man  laughed  at  the 
idea.  He  then  entered  the  hall  devoted  to  mammals,  some  of 
which  are  so  remarkahly  well  mounted  that  they  simulate 
life  to  an  astonishing  extent. 

This  department  is  also  very  rich  in  geological  specimens, 
as  it  is  the  depository  of  the  United  States  Geological  Sur- 
vey. 

■‘Sermons  en  Stones!”  remarked  the  old  man  as  he 
stooped  over  a large  I'ock  on  which  were  plainly  to  be  dis- 
cerned the  footprints  of  birds  that  must  have  lived  thou- 
sands of  years  ago.  “We  think  we’re  livin’  fer  tew-day, 
only,  en  don’t  stop  tew  think  we’re  leavin’  aour  tracks  be- 
hind.” 

Wandering  into  the  next  hall  he  noted  with  curiosity  the 
exhibition  of  cutting  implements. 

“Frum  th’  stone  hatchit  tew  th’  fine  steel  knife.  Et’s  like 
followin’  th’  progress  ov  th’  human  race.” 

And  then  the  Egyptian  mummies  claimed  his  attention. 
A long  row  of  mummy  cases,  decorated  with  Egyptian 
hieroglyphics,  painted  in  all  sorts  of  fancy  colors,  presented 
anything  but  a funereal  aspect.  One  particularly  fine  speci- 
men was  stood  on  its  feet,  propped  up  against  the  wall,  with 
a small  portion  of  its  dried  up  visage  showing  through  the 
bandages.  As  the  old  man  peered  into  the  face  of  the 
mummy,  he  pondered  long  as  if  in  deep  thought. 

“Four  thousand  years  ago,”  he  said,  “ye  lived,  en  I reckon 
ye  waz  a good  church  member,  fer  I see  they  giv’  ye  what 
passed  en  them  days  fer  a decent  Christian  burial.  En  I 

296 


SOME  PROMINENT  REPRESENTATIVES. 

297 


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hain’t  no  doubt  ye  waz  a deekon,  fer  ye  look  like  old  Deekcn 
Snodgrass.  En  like  ez  not  ye  waz  a member  ov  Congress 
them  days,  fer  tbet  looks  like  one  ov  yer  speeches  they’ve 
buried  ’long  with  ye.” 

So  saying,  he  designated  a roll  of  papyrus  that  was 
fastened  to  one  side  of  the  sarcophagus.  And  carefully 
adjusting  his  spectacles,  he  stooped  over  in  an  endeavor  to 
decipher  the  hieroglyphics. 

“Et  looks  tew  me  like  a speech  on  th’  Trust  questshun  ; 
fer  thar’s  a row  ov  figgers  standin’  b’fore  a man  with  a lot 
er  pots  back  ov  him.  Et’s  easy  tew  see  thet  means  a strike 
of  a Labor  Union  agin  a Trust — fer  I reckon  them  jars  ez 
money  jars,  en  th’  man  en  front  ez  th’  preserdent  ov  a 
Trust  en  them  days.’’  And  the  old  man  ruminated  over 
what  he  considered  the  probable  status  of  the  man  four 
thousand  years  ago. 

Then  slowly  walking  along,  carefully  noting  everything 
of  interest,  occasionally  stopping  to  examine  some  exhibit 
of  more  than  ordinary  importance  from  his  point  of  view, 
he  at  length  found  himself  in  the  midst  of  a fine  display  of 
nautical  craft,  embracing  everything  that  would  float  on 
water,  from  a dugout  canoe  to  the  latest  design  of  ocean 
steamship.  Of  particular  interest  to  his  ingenoius  Yankee 
mind  was  the  display  of  models,  showing  the  evolution  of 
the  propeller. 

“Et’s  so  simple  en  construeshun,”  said  he,  “thet  et’s  hard 
tew  realize  thet  et  waz  only  discuvered  a few  years  ago,  en 
thet  th’  v/orld  lied  tew  do  so  long  withaout  et.”  And  lean- 

298 


1 


rr 


JOHN  PIERPONT  MORGAN,  the  Fieli  Marshal  of  Industry.  His  wonderful  grasp  of  public 
affairs  is  marvelous.  His  hand  can  be  seen  in  schemes  that  reach  around  the  globe. 
Like  A exander,  his  plans  of  conquest  embrace  the  entire  world,  but  where  the  Grecian 
conqueror  drew  his  sword,  the  American  draws  h'S  check.  It  is  rumored  that  he  is  en- 
deavor'ng  to  form  the  thrones  of  Europe  into  a Trust,  with  offices  in  a Broadway  sky- 
scraper. 


299 


AROUND  THE  CAPITAL. 


M.C. 

TE/X. 


ing  over,  he  ran  his  fingers  over  the  fin-like  model  of  the 
first  propeller.  Then  turning  around,  he  espied  a number  of 
skeletons  in  another  hall.  It  was  not  long  before  he  was 
deeply  immersed  in  the  intricacies  of  skeleton  lore. 

“H’vars  th’  place  fer  bare  facts.  Thar’s  no  conseelmint. 
Ye’  kin  git  inside  infermashnn  en  this  departmint !”  he  ex- 
claimed, ,'is  he  scanned  the  multitude  of  skeletons  that  filled 
tile  hall. 

" V-E-R-T-E-P-R-A-T-E  P-A-L-E-O-N-T-O-L-O-G-Y,” 
read  he,  deciphering  the  large  gilt  sign  designating  the 
contents  of  the  room. 

“Vertybrat  Palintolegy?  I kan’t  say  ez  haow  I kno  what 
thet  means — et’s  sun’thin’  about  ’brats’  en  palin’-fences, 
I reckon.” 

As  he  was  about  to  leave  this  hall  after  having  spent 
considerable  time  in  examining  the  curious  little  bones 
that  constitute  the  vertehrie  of  the  reptile  species,  his  at- 
tention was  attracted  to  a series  of  skeletons  ranging  from 
the  small  monkey  to  the  human  being. 

Scrutinizing  each  skeleton  carefully,  he  finally  came  to  the 
culminating  example  of  the  evolution  of  the  species,  man. 

Standing  before  this  product  of  the  evolutionary  scheme, 
with  his  arms  folded  and  his  chin  resting  on  his  hand,  he 
gave  vent  to  the  train  of  thought  that  had  been  forming 
in  his  mind.  “Th’  lord  ov  creashun  ! Th’  proud,  hawty 
en  arrygant  master  ov  th’  world !”  soliloquized  he.  “When 
yer  stripped  tew  th’  bone,  ye  don’t  look  tew  hev  sich  a 
great  advantage  over  th’  rest  ov  th’  animal  creashun.” 

300 


^.V/.  M?  0\LL.M.C. 


C.A  PUG.i'LE.Y.  M C 


^7.  H J”TE.PHENX  M C. 
TEX. 


J.R.WILL  I A M J'.M  C 
ILL. 


W.n.VAN DIVER  M-C 
MO. 


C.RTHOMA^.M.C 

KY. 


m.amoody.m.c. 

ORE. 


c.N. fowler,  m c 
IV  a. 


R.B.  J'CARBOROUC.H  M.c 


AN  INFLUENTIAL  GROUP  OF  CONGRESSMEN. 


AROUND  THE  CAPITAL. 


J.J.nTZf.E-RALD.M.C. 

iv.v; 


Tlie  more  the  inquisitive  Yankee  investigated,  the  more 
he  found  to  interest  him.  There  were  cases  filled  with  gems 
and  precious  stones,  Alaskan  relics,  ores,  meteorites,  Indian 
pottery,  idols,  casts  of  reptiles  and  fishes,  botanical  speci- 
mens and  geological  curiosities. 

After  he  had  exhaustively  searched  through  the  mass,  he 
repaired  to  the  Smithsonian  building  close  by.  Here  he 
found  practically  the  same  sort  of  exhibition,  only  on  a 
much  smaller  scale. 

It  has,  however,  one  feature  that  places  it  in  the  front 
rank  of  the  scientific  institutions  of  the  world.  This  is  its 
magnificent  library  of  two  hundred  and  twenty-five  thou- 
sand volumes. 

As  the  old  man  had  about  concluded  his  tour,  and  was 
preparing  to  leave  the  building,  a short  fat  man  with  a very 
heavy  beard  and  a very  bald  head  stopped  him  to  inquire 
if  he  could  direct  him  to  the  Entomological  Department. 

“What  dew  they  hev  en  thet  departmint  ?’’  he  inquired. 

“Insects,  bugs,  et  cetera,”  replied  the  seeker  after  informa- 
tion. 

“Wall,  right  over  yonder,”  answered  the  old  man,  point- 
ing his  finger  in  the  direction  of  the  bug  exhibit,  “thar’s 
everythin’  en  th’  world  en  th’  shape  ov  bugs,  ’ceptin’  one.” 

“Excepting  one !”  exclaimed  his  interrogator  in  surprise 
at  the  thought  that  the  famous  collection  should  be  found 
incomplete  in  any  particular.  “What  variety  did  you  find 
missing?” 

“Th’  hum-bug,”  responded  the  practical  joker. 

302 


J.A.  COMRY.M.C. 


AROUND  THE  CAPITAL. 


CHAPTER  XXV. 

THE  CURBSTONE  MARKET  PLACE. 

CWO  barrels  supporting  a couple  of  wide  boards 
on  which  were  placed  sundry  baskets  of 
eggs,  apples,  carrots  and  sweet  potatoes, 
comprised  the  nucleus  of  Abraham  Lincoln 
White’s  stand  just  outside  of  Center  Market.  Ranged 
around  this  nucleus  were  several  open  boxes  containing 
corn  on  the  cob.  parsnips,  onions  and  walnuts.  In  addition 
to  this  was  an  old  tub  containing  a small  quantity  of  butter 
in  pound  lumps. 

Mr.  White  was  black;  so  black,  indeed,  that  it  was  diffi- 
cult to  discern  the  intensely  black  pipe  he  held  in  his  mouth. 
Furthermore,  he  was  an  exceedingly  picturesque  personage 
in  many  respects.  His  coat  had  been  patched  so  often,  that 
the  patches  seemed  to  constitute  the  greater  part  of  the 
garment. 

In  regard  to  his  nether  extremities,  it  was  rather  a hard 
matter  to  tell  where  they  started  or  where  they  left  off, 
as  his  feet  were  encased  in  coarse  bagging  secured  in  place 
by  pieces  of  twine  wrapped  round  and  round.  This  served 
the  double  purpose  of  keeping  Mr.  White’s  feet  free  from 
the  snow  that  lightly  covered  the  sidewalk,  and  also  to 

303 


L.  I'O’WER*  M.C. 
ME. 


AROUND  THE  CAPITAL. 


keep  them  warm ; for  it  was  only  in  the  mildest  weather  that 
this  son  of  Africa  did  not  feel  cold. 

If  Mr.  White  was  picturesque,  Mr.  White's  market  wagon 
was  spectacular — repaired  again  and  again  until  there  was 
not  left  a single  stick  of  wood  or  iron,  or  a solitary  stitch 
of  canvas  that  constituted  its  original  make-up.  In  order 
to  ease  the  strain  on  some  of  the  weaker  parts  of  the 
wheels,  strips  of  wood  were  bound  with  wire  diagonally 
across  the  spokes,  in  such  a manner  that  at  every  rotation 
of  the  wheel  the  ends  of  the  homely  splint  would  strike 
the  ground  with  a Jar  that  would  momentarily  threaten 
disaster. 

The  sidewalk  along  the  Mall,  fronting  the  market  house 
proper,  was  lined  with  similar  ramshackle  market  vehicles 
as  far  as  the  eye  could  reach,  and,  as  it  was  Saturday 
morning,  business  was  brisk. 

Uncle  Hank — who  had  been  advised  to  visit  the  “Mar- 
ket” on  market  day,  if  he  wished  to  see  one  of  the  most 
interesting  sights  of  Washington — was  sauntering  along 
this  curbstone  market  place  when  he  chanced  to  see  the 
unique  Mr.  White. 

“Haow  much  ez  butter  this  mornin’?”  inquired  he,  more 
for  the  purpose  of  “drawing  out,”  the  darky,  than  with 
any  intention  of  purchasing. 

“Buttah?” 

“Yes.” 

“Well,  they’se  gittin’  twenty-seben  cents  inside  dar,”  in- 
dicating the  IHarket  House  across  the  way  by  a jerk 

304 


JAMES  WILSON.  Secretary  of  Agriculture,  Is  one  of  the  we  l-hnown  figures  of 
Washington  Offlcia  life.  Born  in  Eco'.land,  he  shares  with  that  other  great 
Scotchman,  Andrew  Carnege.  the  distincfon  of  being  a great  "give  away”  — 
giving  away  great  packages  of  seeds  to  needy  farmers  throughout  the  land 
with  as  lavish  a hand  as  h'.s  famous  fellow  countryman  does  libraries.  Is 
author  of  many  valuable  works  on  agriculture,  chief  among  which  is  his 
great  treatise  entitled:  "Do  gold  bricks  make  good  building  material? 

305 


AROUND  THE  CAPITAL. 


of  his  thumb  over  his  shoulder,  “but  ah  reckon  ah  kin  let 
yo’  hab  sum  fo’  twenty-foah  cents.’’ 

As  the  old  man  did  not  make  an  immediate  response 
to  this  offer,  the  darky  added : “Bar’s  anoder  tub  in  de 

‘fix’  dat  p’haps  yo’d  like  bettah !’’ 

“En  why  d’ye  call  thet  a ‘fix’?’’  inquired  the  old  man 
with  some  curiosity. 

‘ Ef  yo’  look  right  close  yo’  won’t  hab  to  ax  dat  ques- 
t’shun,’’  replied  the  proprietor. 

“I  guess  ye’ll  hev  tew  ’xplain,’.’  replied  the  old  man  after 
looking  over  the  rig. 

“Don’t  yo’  see?’’  explained  the  darky,  “we  calls  em 
‘fixes’. cos  we  fixes  ’em  so  often.’’  And  the  grin  that  spread 
over  his  black  face  was  a revelation. 

“Whar  on  airth  did  ye  git  thet  boss?’’  exclaimed  the 
old  man,  as  his  eye  caught  sight  of  the  old  nag  that  stood 
with  head  bowed  down  almost  to  the  ground — a most 
dejected  looking  animal,  with  legs  swollen  by  old  age,  and 
hide  roughened  and  toughened  by  exposure  to  rain  and 
wind. 

“Dat  boss  am  good  fo’  many  yeahs  yit,’’  doggedly  re- 
plied the  colored  farmer. 

A little  farther  down  the  line  the  old  man  encountered 
a rig  so  remarkable  in  make-up  that  he  was  forced  to  stop 
and  examine  it.  What  had  once  been  an  old  family  coach 
was  now  doing  service  for  an  old  “mammy”  who  had  just 
arrived  from  Charles  County,  Maryland.  As  the  old  ne- 
gress  removed  the  baskets  of  vegetables,  poultry,  fruit  and 

306 


AROUND  THE  CAPITAL. 


A.C  ..ffHAl.l.ENBEBt,I:R.nt 

J«£B. 


'V.8..SHATTUC.M  £. 
O. 


garden  truck  that  filled  the  recesses  of  the  old  coach,  it 
creaked  and  groaned  as  if  in  thankfulness  at  the  relief 
of  the  burden  its  old  frame  seemed  too  feeble  to  sustain. 

Attached  to  this  quaint  old  market  contrivance,  by  a 
net-work  of  strings,  ropes  and  straps  for  a harness,  was 
an  undersized  ox  of  uncertain  age. 

“Thet  must  be  th’  erriginal  hoss-liss  kerridge !”  exclaimed 
the  old  man,  as  he  stood  contemplating  the  most  remark- 
able rig  he  had  ever  seen. 

Closely  packed,  these  sidewalk  merchants  stood  eagerly 
importuning  passers  by  to  ptirchase  their  sundry  offerings ; 
and  while  the  business  is  not  particularly  lucrative,  it  en- 
ables them  to  support  little  places  in  the  country,  and 
er.j'oy  a life  that  is  far  from  being  unhappy. 

This  market  place  was  originally  called  the  Marsh  Market, 
from  the  fact  that  it  was  located  in  an  old  marsh  or  bog, 
and  long  before  the  present  Market  House  was  built,  was 
a noted  place. 

Daniel  Webster,  Chief  Justice  Taney  and  General  Wil- 
liam H.  Harrison  are  said  to  have  come  in  person  to  do 
their  marketing  in  the  old  Marsh  Market.  Times  are  dif- 
ferent nowadays.  Imported  English  butlers  perform  that 
necessary  service  for  the  Depews,  Hannas  and  Clarks 
of  to-dav. 


308 


AROUND  THE  CAPITAL. 


CHAPTER  XXVi; 

A PEEP  AT  THE  IIUTELS. 

Reclining  comfortal)ly  on  a large,  luxurious 
leather-covered  arm-chair,  sat  Lmcle  Hank  with 
his  legs  crossed  and  his  tall  hat  resting  easily  on 
his  knees. 

‘‘Et’s  th’  finest  tavern  I ever  sot  eyes  ontew !”  he  ex- 
claimed with  enthusiasm,  as  he  gazed  with  open-mouthed 
wonder  at  the  magnificence  of  his  surroundings. 

“Eve  ben  watchin’  thet  feller  behind  th’  caounter  with 
th’  big  di’mond  en  bis  shirt,  en  I’ve  cum  tew  th’  conclushun 
thet  he  owns  th’  buildin’.” 

“What  makes  yon  think  so?’’  inquired  his  nephew,  look- 
ing at  the  individual  in  question. 

“He’s  callin’  on  everybody  tew  admire  et.’’ 

“I  don’t  quite  understand?’’ 

“Jes’  listen,  en  ye’ll  soon  hear  him  call  aout  ‘front!’  cz 
tho’  he  wanted  every  one  to  go  aout  en  admire  th’  front  ov 
his  buildin’.’’ 

“Oh,’’  laughed  the  nephew,  “he’s  the  clerk,  and  that’s  his 
way  of  calling  for  a porter  to  take  a new  arrival  to  a room.’’ 
They  were  seated  in  the  lobby  of  the  New  Willard  Hotel, 
Uncle  Hank  and  his  nephew. 

309 


t>.J. FOSTER.  M.C. 
Vr.R. 


AROUND  THE'  CAPITAL. 


U.S  SENATOR.  UTAhL 


The  luxuriously  upholstered  chairs  and  sofas  were  all 
occupied,  and  little  groups  of  men  in  evening  dress  stood 
about  conversing  in  low  tones ; the  elevators  were  busily 
engaged 'in  discharging  their  burdens  of  richly-gowned 
ladies  with  their  escorts,  who  hastily  sought  the  carriages 
that  were  waiting  to  convey  them  to  a reception  at  the 
White  House,  or  some  other  equally  prominent  affair. 

General  Grosvenor  stood  in  the  center  of  the  lobby,  look- 
ing even  more  distinguished  than  he  usually  does  on  the 
floor  of  the  House,  his  white  hair  and  beard  contrasting 
finely  with  the  rich  black  of  evening  dress.  Closely 
grouped  about  him  were  Representatives  Showalter,  Dick 
and  Ruppert. 

Sercno  Payne,  the  brilliant  leader  of  the  “majority  in 
the  House,  was  the  center  of  another  group,  composed 
of  Senators  Scott  and  Millard,  and  Representatives  Cousins, 
McClellan  and  Overstreet. 

“Et  looks  like  en  evenin’  sesshun  ov  Congress,”  remarked 
the  old  man,  looking  around  at  the  well-known  faces  about 
him. 

“With  this  exception— there  is  no  presiding  officer.” 

“Yer  mistaken,  Harry.” 

“How  so?” 

“He’s  behind  th’  caounter  callin’  ‘front !’  ” 

Uncle  Hank  was  making  a tour  of  the  principal  hotels 
of  Washington  with  his  nephew,  who  assured  him  that  an 

evening  so  spent  would  not  be  lost. 

“By  way  of  contrast  we  will  now  go  to  the  Riggs  House, 

310 


J.B.SHOWALTER.nCPA.  PArAte  aI'C  n V-  V.WARNER  M f. 

■ C H.GROSVtNOR.M  t,  0 F?. &.  C OUSINS.  AA.C  I A.  Ov£R5TIFt(T  /vi  l. ' 


AT  THE  NEW  WILLARD  HOTEL. 

311 


AROUND  THE  CAPITAL. 


said  Harry,  as  they  walked  up  the  avenue,  “ ‘The  Riggs,’ 
— as  it  is  affectionately  known  to  all  the  old-timers, — al- 
though one  of  the  oldest  hotels  in  the  city — has  lost  none 
of  its  popularity.” 

As  they  entered  the  lobby,  the  old  man  remarked  that 
he  felt  more  at  home. 

“Swaller-tail  coats  en  patint  leathers  hain’t  en  my  line,” 
he  said,  as  he  observed  a less  pretentious  gathering  in 
the  lounging  room. 

‘‘These  Washington  hotels  are  sharply  divided  into 
classes,”  said  Harry,  as  they  walked  across  Lafayette  Park, 
on  their  way  to  the  Arlington.  “A  most  exclusive  class 
patronizes  this  group  of  hostelries,”  waving  his  hand  so  as 
to  include  the  Arlington,  Shoreham  and  Chamberlin’s. 

Entering  the  first  named,  the  pair  proceeded  to  make 
themselves  at  home  by  taking  possession  of  a couple  of 
easy-chairs  in  a corner  of  the  lobby,  where  they  could  “size 
up  them  big  men  abaout,”  as  Uncle  Hank  expressed  it. 

“Thar’s  Teddy  talkin’  tew  that  German  Minister — en 
they’ve  got  four  glasses  between  ’em.” 

“I  don’t  see  them  drinking.” 

“Not  drinkin’ — lockin’.” 

“Oh,  you  mean  looking-glasses,”  remarked  Harry,  still 
juggling  with  the  intricate  English  language. 

“And  there  sits  Vulcan,  the  god  of  labor,  holding  a con- 
ference with  Mars,  the  god  of  war,”  continued  Harry,  point- 
ing to  Senator  Hanna  talking  to  Secretary  Root  over  in 
the  corner. 


313 


A SKETCH  AT  THE  AKLINGTON  HOTEL. 

313 


W.H.DRAPHR.n.C 

iSTi'. 


I 


AROUND  THE  CAPITAL. 

At  this  juncture  a neatly  attired  gentleman  entered  the 
lobby.  He  was  apparently  known  to  everybody,  as  be 
bowed  to  every  one;  It  was  Admiral  Dewey  ; and  be  was 
soon  the  center  of  an  animated  group  of  acquaintances, 
among  whom  could  be  discerned  Senators  Spooner,  Fair- 
banks and  Kean. 

“This  hotel,”  said  Harry,  “is  noted  for  the  many  elegant 
entertainments  given  here  during  the  season  ; the  one  given 
by  Mrs.  Hanna,  a few  weeks  ago,  is  said  to  have  cost  ten 
thousand  dollars.” 

“Thet’s  a lot  ov  money,”  commented  the  old  man. 

“Casting  bread  on  the  political  waters,”  was  the  reply. 

“Not  bread,  Harr}^ — cake !”  And  the  old  man  chuckled, 
shooting  a glance  at  the  Ohio  Senator  over  in  the  corner, 
as  they  passed  out  of  the  corridor  on  their  way  to  resume 
their  tour. 

As  they  passed  the  “Shoreham,”  several  florists’  wagons 
were  seen  unloading  the  most  beautiful  creations  in  the 
florist’s  art. 

“A  big  reception  to-night,”  remarked  Harry. 

“Washin’ton  ez  sartinly  a gay  place  durin’  th’  sesshun.” 

“This  hotel  is  owned  by  ex-Vice-President  Morton,  who 
named  it  after  his  birthplace  in  Vermont.  Yonder  is  the 
famous  ‘Chamberlin’s,’  and  on  the  opposite  corner  is  ‘La 
Normandie.’  ” 

As  they  reached  the  corner,  Harry  produced  a couple 
of  cigars  which  they  lighted,  and,  as  they  continued  their 
walk,  talked  “hotel”  in  all  its  phases. 

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a.W.WAD-JWORTlI.M.C. 


‘‘The  average  Congressman,”  said  the  nephew,  “lives 
at  the  best  hotel  during  his  first  term — he  is  so  elated 
at  his  elevation.  During  his  second  term,  (should  he  be 
so  fortunate  as  to  be  elected  a second  time,)  he  generally 

select  .1  an  hotel  with  a high  reputation,  but  not  the  usual 

selects  an  hotel  with  a high  reputation,  but  not  the  usual 

ly  at  some  boarding-house,  where  the  expense  of  living 

does  not  make  such  serious  inroads  into  his  salary. 

“ ‘La  Fetra's  Hotel,’  over  there,  on  the  next  corner,”  said 
he,  “is  the  famous  Temperance  Hotel  kept  by  Mrs.  La 
Fetra,  the  former  president  of  the  Woman’s  Christian  Tem- 
perance Union.” 

As  they  approached  the  palatial  Raleigh  Hotel,  Harry 
gave  a short  sketch  of  its  history.  Said  he : “This  was  for- 
merly the  Kirkwood  House,  where  the  attempt  was  made 
to  assassinate  Vice-President  Johnson,  on  the  night  of  April 
14th,  1865.  The  next  day,  in  this  hotel,  he  took  the  oath 
of  office  that  made  him  President  of  the  United  States.” 

Entering  the  lobby,  the  pair  selected  a couple  of  easy- 
chairs  where  they  could  readily  survey  the  interior. 

As  soon  as  they  were  seated  they  noted  a restless  looking 
individual  seated  on  an  adjacent  chair,  a wide-brimmed, 
black  slouch  hat  on  his  head,  and  a long  black  cigar  in  his 
mouth.  With  an  easy  familiarity  he  leaned  over  to  Har- 
ry, as  he  remarked : 

“This  place  makes  me  tired.  Everybody  you  meet  is 
either  a Senator,  or  a General,  or  an  M.  C., — and  gee-whiz, 
what  a dead  slow  town  it  is  after  dark ! My  doctor  told 

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MBS.  ROOSEVELT  AND  HER  DAUGHTER  ALICE. 


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F.vJ.  KERN.  M.C. 
ILL. 


me  to  break  away  from  business  and  take  a trip  to  Washing- 
ton to  see  the  fine  buildings; — why,  there  isn’t  a sky-scraper 
in  the  lot.  And  theaters — you  could  put  ’em  all  inside 
of  the  Auditorium.” 

“You’re  from  Chicago,  I presume?”  ventured  Harry, 
somewhat  amused  at  his  tirade. 

“Yes,  sir’ee ! the  finest  town  in  the  country!  The  very 
air  is  charged  with  electric  energy.” 

“En  smoke,”  interjected  Uncle  Hank. 

“The  smoke  is  only  an  evidence  of  superabundant  en- 
ergy.” 

“Have  you  seen  the  parks?”  inquired  Harry. 

“The  parks ! bah — don’t  compare  with  She-co-go’s  parks. 
“I’m  going  to  leave  on  the  next  train,  and  when  I get 
back  to  ‘God’s  country,’  I’ll  never  leave  it  again.”  And 
he  jumped  up  abruptly  to  search  for  a railway  time-table 
in  the  bar-room. 

A broad  smile  sufifused  the  faces  of  Uncle  Hank  and  his 
nephew,  as  he  disappeared. 

The  scene  in  the  “Raleigh”  was  closely  akin  to  that  of  the 
“Willard.”  The  surroundings  were  as  elegant  as  a lib- 
eral expenditure  of  money  could  make  them ; and  the  soft, 
tuneful  music  from  a fine  orchestra  served  to  lend  an  air 
of  refinement  to  the  large,  brilliantly  lighted  lobby,  that 
was  very  pleasing. 

“We  will  now  walk  down  the  avenue  to  see  what  the 
older  hotels  have  to  oflfer  in  the  \vay  of  attraction,”  said 
Harry,  as  they  emerged  from  the  Pennsylvania  Avenue 

318 


FOnD’f?  THKATUR. 

“Whar  honest  Old  Abe  waz  assassinated.** 

3H* 


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exit,  after  having  passed  through  the  elegant  dining  room 
which  was  filled  to  repletion — for  it  was  the  fashionable 
dining  hour. 

“The  ‘St.  James’  opposite,’’  said  he,  as  they  reached  the 
corner  of  Sixth  Street,  “is- the  stranger’s  hotel.  Situated 
opposite  to  the  principal  railway  station,  by  reason  of  its 
rather  attractive  make-up,  it  attracts  many  visitors,  who 
arrive  without  having  any  prearranged  place  to  go  to.” 
Grouped  about  the  entrance  to  the  “New  National”  were 
knots  of  men  in  frock  coats  and  slouch  hats  that  proclaimed 
them  to  be  Members  of  Congress — principally  from  the 
South. 

As  the  old  man  and  his  nephew  walked  up  the  long 
corridor-like  lobb.y,  the  latter  remarked : 

“This  building  is  nearly  one  hundred  years  old.  Here 
Thaddeus  Stevens,  Henry  .Clay,  James  Buchanan,  and  many 
other  eminent  men  lived  while  in  Washington.  James 
Buchanan  went  from  Here  to  be  inaugurated  President  of 
the  United  States,,  arid,  in  a room  directly  above  us,  on 
the  second  floor,  the  great  Henry  Clay  died.” 

“Hotel  life  en  a great  city  ez  very  fine  en  ets  way ; but 
ez  fer  me,  giv’  me  th’  leetle  attic  room  tew  hum  en  pref’r- 
ence  tew  th'  finest  room  en  th’  grandest  hotel,”  remarked 
the  old  man,  as  his  thoughts  reverted  to  his  dear  old 
New  England  home. 


3;>o 


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CHAPTER  XXVII. 

A VISIT  TO  THE  POSTAL  CEMETERY. 


<1^.  M C* 


€T’S  estonishin’  haow  they  giv’  everybody  en  every- 
thin’ a titel  here  en  Washin’ton,”  exclaimed 
Uncle  Hank  as  he  stood  on  the  corner  of  Twelfth 
Street  and  Pennsylvania  Avenue  and  amusingly 
contemplated  the  handsome  building  opposite.  “Thar’s  th’ 
‘Gineral’  Post-Offis !’’ 

The  broad  avenue  was  a mass  of  vehicles.  It  was  ten 
o’clock  and  the  swirl  of  traffic  was  at  its  height  and  it  was 
all  the  old  man  could  do  to  cross  without  being  run  over ; 
finally  after  dodging  a couple  of  automobiles  going  in  differ- 
ent directions  and  barely  escaping  death  from  a swiftly  mov- 
ing trolley  car,  he  managed  to  reach  the  opposite  sidewalk. 

“Young  man,”  said  he  as  he  finally  reached  the  elevator 
in  the  Post  Office  P>uilding  and  caught  sight  of  the  youth 
that  manipulated  the  affair,  “I’ve  kum  tew  inspect  yer 
Buildin’.” 

“Step  right  inside  and  I’ll  take  you  up  to  the  top  and  then 
you  can  walk  down,  inspecting  as  you  go.” 

“Much  obleeged,”  replied  the  old  man  as  he  stepped  into 
the  cage.  “Be  yew  one  ov  th’  offishels?” 

“Oh,  yes,”  replied  the  youth  as  he  gave  the  guide  rope  a 

333 


■■ET'S  ESTONISniN’  IIAOW  THEY  GIV’  EVERYnonV  EN  EVERYTHIN'  A XITEL  HERE  EN  WASH- 
IN'TON— THAR'S  TH'  '(HNERAL'  POST  OEFIS!” 

:v.r.i 


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jerk  and  the  elevator  slowly  ascended,  “you  see  I’m  the  four 
hundredth  Assistant  Postmaster  General.’’ 

“I  want  tew  kno’ !’’  cried  the  old  man  looking  quizzically 
at  him. 

“Oh,  yes,’’  continued  the  youth,  “I  assist  the  Postmaster 
General  to  his  office  on  the  Fifth  floor;  and  the  Post  Master 
General  has  repeatedly  assured  me  that  while  there  are 
other  assistant  Postmaster  Generals  in  the  department,  my 
position  is  by  far  the  most  elevating  one.” 

“Yer  a risin’  young  man,”  retorted  Uncle  Hank  as  he 
stepped  off  the  elevator  at  the  top  floor. 

Walking  around  the  gallery  he  came  to  the  Dead-Letter 
Museum.  Here  he  found  numbers  of  clerks  busily  engaged 
in  opening  piles  of  misdirected  letters  and  packages.  A 
little  further  along  he  noticed  little  piles  of  money  which 
had  been  taken  from  some  of  the  letters.  At  another  place 
a lot  of  jewelry,  and  on  one  table  was  piled  a lot  of  kid 
gloves,  lace  collars,  corsets,  drawing  instruments,  telescopes, 
opera  glasses  and  manicure  sets. 

“Fifty  thousand  photographs  go  astray  in  the  mails  every 
year,”  explained  a polite  official  to  the  old  man. 

“Et’s  growed  tew  sech  proporshuns  thet  ye  hed  ought  tew 
call  et  th’  Postel  Cemiterry,”  remarked  the  Yankee. 

“It  isn’t  as  dead  as  it  looks,”  replied  the  official.'  “The 
other  day  we  took  out  of  one  of  the  packages  a live  snake 
and  two  crawling  alligators.” 

“Sum  folks  ez  mighty  keerless  abaout  sendin’  money  en 


3‘M 


POSTMASTIOIl  GENERAL  HENRY  C.  PAYNE  AT  HIS  DESK. 
A Sketch  from  Life, 

3-.'5 


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J D.BELLAM'j^, M c 

fsr.c. 


th’  mails,”  observed  the  old  man  looking  towards  the  con- 
stantly augmenting  pile  of  money  on  one  of  the  tables. 

“Over  fifty  thousand  dollars  is  found  every  year  in  these 
letters,”  replied  he. 

After  examining  the  curiosities  in  the  museum,  consist- 
ing of  coins  in  frames,  war  time  photographs,  envelopes  with 
“blind”  addresses  which  have  been  deciphered  by  experts. 
Uncle  Hank  continued  his  rambles  around  the  different  gal- 
leries that  surrounded  the  big  open  court  in  the  center  of 
the  building.  Coming  suddenly  upon  the  Postmaster  Gen- 
eral’s Office  his  attention  was  directed  to  a large  portrait 
of  former  Postmaster  General  Wanamaker  which  adorned 
the  wall. 

“There  is  the  man  who  did  more  to  make  the  Post-Offis 
the  perfect  organization  it  is  to-day  than  any  chief  it  ever 
had,”  exclaimed  an  old  gray-headed  official  who  had  ob- 
served Uncle  Hank  looking  at  the  portrait. 

“Et’s  a tarnel  shame  thar’s  not  more  Wannymakers  en  th’ 
puhlick  sarvace — ef  th’  people  waz  smart  they’d  send  th’ 
polytishuns  tew  th’  rear,  en  bizness  men  tew  th’  Senit  en 
tew  th’  Departmints.” 

“If  they  did  there  would  soon  be  an  end  to  the  abuse  of 
the  franking  privilege  that  is  now  so  prevalent,”  signifi- 
cantly replied  the  official. 

“Haow  so?”  inquired  Uncle  Hank  curiously. 

“A  well-known  politician  franked  a book-case  containing 
his  entire  library  the  other  day.  The  official  looked  indignant 
at  the  thought  that  the  Post  office  should  be  put  to  such  use. 

326 


STORY’S  marshall. 

"EX’S  FACIN’  Tir  WRONG  W’AY— THEM  LAW- MAKERS  OVER  YONDER  NEEDS  WATCIIIN’  ” 

327 


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CHAPTER  XXVIII. 

SCULPTURES  AND  PAINTINGS. 

“For  the  Venus  of  Milo  1 do  not  care, 

Though  I own,  she  may  have  charms, 

The  dearest  girl  beyond  compare, 

Is  the  girl  zvith  encircling  arms.” 

CHUS  warbled  Harry  who  stood  with  his  unde  in 
the  Corcoran  Gallery  in  front  of  the  reproduction 
of  the  celebrated  armless  statue  that  was  un- 
earthed on  the  island  of  Milo  in  1820. 

“I  see  ye’ve  got  an  eye  fer  female  beauty,”  laughingly 
remarked  his  uncle. 

“Well,  that  kind  is  perfectly  ’armless,”  replied  he. 

At  this  juncture  an  antiepe  specimen  of  femininity  ap- 
proached. She  was  of  the  long,  attenuated  type,  possess- 
ing none  of  the  attractive  features  of  her  sex.  After  scru- 
tinizing the  statue  closely  she  was  heard  to  murmur  in  sin- 
cere admiration ; “How  lovely  is  female  beauty !” 

Moving  over  to  another  part  of  the  gallery  Harry  and  his 
uncle  halted  in  front  of  Powers’  “Greek  Slave.” 

“Now  contrast  this  statue  with  the  ‘Venus  of  klilo,’”  said 
Harry.  “How  far  the  work  of  the  AArmont  sculptor  falls 
below  that  of  the  ancient  artist  who  lived  four  hundred  years 

328 


IN  THE  CORCORAN  GALLERY. 
ANTIQUE  TEMALE— "How  lovely  Is  female  beauty! 

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before  Christ.  How  devoid  of  expression  the  face  is ; how 
lightly  she  bears  the  chain  of  slavery  which  encircles  her 
wrists.  And  yet  this  statue  created  a great  sensation  in  this 
country  fifty  years  ago,  being  exhibited  in  every  large  city 
and  extolled  as  one  of  the  greatest  masterpieces  of  sculpture 
in  the  world.” 

“Wall,  they  didn’t  know  much  abaout  Art  en  this  country 
fifty  years  ago,  Harry.” 

“The  American  people  know  precious  little  about  it  to- 
day, or  they  wouldn’t  tolerate  the  monstrosities  in  Art  that 
pass  for  public  monuments  to  their  great  men,”  replied 
Harry  as  the  pair  moved  along  to  another  gallery. 

“H’yar’s  whar  they’ve  got  tew  cum  tew  larn.” 

“Yes,  and  Banker  Corcoran  rendered  the  city  a great  serv- 
ice when  he  erected  such  a beautiful  temple  to  Art,”  said 
the  nephew  as  he  contemplated  the  elegant  Art  Gallery. 

Entering  the  section  devoted  to  modern  paintings  the 
large  canvas  of  Jerome’s  entitled  “Ceesar  Dead”  attracted 
their  attention. 

An  old  colored  man  stood  before  this  strikingly  dramatic 
picture,  with  an  exceedingly  puzzled  countenance.  Turn- 
ing around  as  Uncle  Hank  approached  he  appealed  to  him 
for  information  respecting  its  meaning. 

“Ye  see,  Joolius  Ceesar  waz  a Roman  statesman — th’ 
leader  ov  th’  Senit — sum  ov  th’  Senitors  thot  he  waz  gettin’ 
a swelled  head  an’  abaout  tew  declare  himself  boss.  So 
they  formed  a conspiracy  to  block  hiz  game.  One  day  ez 
he  waz  goin’  daown  th’  avenoo  tew  th’  capitol  he  waz  warned 

330 


WASHINGTON  FROM  ARLINGTON  HEIGHTS. 

UJs'CLE  HANK— "Over  yonder  stands  th*  moniment  erected  tew  th'  man  who  couldn’t  tell  a Uo,  au* 
it's  liifib  enul  £er  everybody  tew  see  Ui'  pint.” 


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M.IC  I-i. 


tew  beware  ov  th’  fourth  ov  March — hut  he  heeded  not ; en 
when  he  reached  th’  Senit  Chamber  he  waz  set  upon  Ijy  a 
lot  ov  anarchists  frum  Paterson,  Noo  Jersey,  en  stahhehd 
twenty-nine  times.  One  ov  th’  anarchists  he  reckonized  ez 
Mr.  Brutus  en  ez  he  did  so  very  properly  called  him  a brute. 
Then  after  throwin’  a double  summersalt  he  expired  et  th’ 
foot  of  Pompey’s  pillar.  Pompey  waz  a cullered  white 
washer  frum  daown  South.” 

This  vivid  description  impressed  the  old  darky  very 
much  and  he  examined  the  painting  with  redoubled  interest. 

As  for  Uncle  Hank  he  held  his  head  tightly  over  his 
mouth  to  repress  his  feelings  as  he  moved  away. 

This  gallery  was  found  to  be  very  interesting  from  the 
fact  that  it  contained  many  originals  made  familiar  by 
popular  engravings  taken  therefrom,  among  the  more  notice- 
able of  which  was  Miller’s  "Charlotte  Corday” — that  pa- 
thetic face  behind  the  prison  bars.  Also  some  very  fine  ex- 
amples of  Corot  and  Troyon. 

After  wandering  around  the  galleries  for  some  time,  stop- 
ping occasionally  to  scrutinize  a particularly  attractive  sub- 
ject, the  pair  halted  abruptly  before  the  beautifully  modelled 
statue  of  Napoleon  by  Vincenzo  Velas.  This  statue  repre- 
sents the  great  soldier  in  his  last  days.  Seated  in  a large 
chair  with  his  back  propped  up  with  a pillow  and  his  lap 
covered  by  a large  map  on  which  was  outlined  the  scenes 
of  his  memorable  campaigns,  the  old  commander  was 
fighting  his  battles  over  again.  It  is  an  exceedingly  effec- 
tive bit  of  sculpture. 


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IN  AKLINUTON  (’EJIETICUY. 

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Descending  the  broad  stairway  to  the  gallery  containing 
the  Tayloe  Collection,  the  pair  came  to  a painting  of  an- 
other great  soldier  who  did  not  end  his  days  as  an  exile  on 
a lonely  island  the  captive  of  a hated  foe ; but  who  ended 
his  days  honored  and  revered  in  his  native  land — George 
Washington.  This  painting  is  by  Gilbert  Stuart  and  is  cer- 
tainly a masterpiece. 

As  Uncle  Hank  and  his  nephew  concluded  their  tour  of 
the  beautiful  building  they  voted  the  Corcoran  Art  Gallery 
one  of  the  very  attractive  features  of  Washington. 


334 


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CHAPTER  XXIX. 

THE  STATUES. 


$EE  here,  Harry ! I’ve  bin  standin’  here  half  an 
hour  tryin’  tew  make  aout  who  en  thunder  thet 
statoo  ez  erected  tew,”  said  Uncle  Hank  to  his 
nephew  as  they  stood  on  the  corner  of  Si.xteenth 
Street  and  Massachusetts  Avenue. 

“That’s  the  Hahnemann  Statue.” 

“Thet’s  what  th’  policeman  told  me — Et  waz  th’  Hanna- 
man  Statoo — but  what  Hanna  Man?” 

“Uncle,”  said  Harry,  detecting  a smile  on  the  old  man’s 
face,  “this  statue  is  no  joke.  It  is  one  of  the  fine.st  specimens 
of  the  plastic  art  in  America.  It  was  modeled  by  Niehaus, 
and  cost  seventy-five  thousand  dollars.” 

“What’s  th’  meanin’  ov  them  Latin  words  on  th’  pedes- 
tal?” 


“Similia — Similibus — Curantur — Like  cures  Like.” 

“Er  Thief  tew  ketch  a Thief.” 

“Practically  the  same.” 

“What’s  thet  statoo  yoinder?”  inquired  the  old  man  point- 
ing to  a large  equestrian  statue  of  the  hero  of  the  Mexican 
War. 


335 


r.  c. 

Mr^Nt 


STATUE  OF  GENERAL  ANDREW  JACKSON. 

"ET  WOULD  AMOOSE  TtU  CHILDREN  A HEAP  SIGHT  MORE  EF  THEY'D  PUT  ROCKERS  UNDER 
ET  EN  MAKE  ET  ENTO  A HOBBY-HOSS.” 

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“That  is  the  Scott  statue  wliich  gives  name  to  this  circle; 
suppose  we  walk  over  to  e.xamiue  it  at  closer  range. 

“Great  Scott!”  ejaculated  the  old  man  as  they  reached 
the  base  of  the  majestic  piece  of  sculpture. 

“Great  statue,  too,”  replied  Harry.  “One  of  the  most  re- 
markable features  of  this  monument  is  the  fact  that  its 
pedestal  is  composed  of  five  of  the  largest  blocks  of  stone 
ever  quarried  in  the  United  States.” 

“Thar’s  th’  statoo  ov  an  expoogilist,”  said  Uncle  Hank  as 
they  approached  the  next  piece  of  statuary  on  the  circle. 

“I  don’t  know  that  it  is,”  replied  his  nephew  looking  in- 
quiringly into  his  face  for  an  explanation. 

“Thar  et  ez  on  th’  base — Ex-pounder  an  Defender  ov  tb’ 
Constitooshun ” 

“That’s  Daniel  Webster — and  by  tbe  way,  these  three 
statues  are  said  to  represent  the  three  Departments — Web- 
ster the  Department  of  State,  Scott  the  Department  olf  War, 
and  Hahnemann  the  Department  of  the  Interior.” 

“Thar’s  one  more  statoo  needed  tew  complete  th’  circle.” 
“What’s  that?” 

“.V  figger  ov  Senitor  Hanna  et  th’  foot  of  Labor.” 

“And  wdiat  would  that  signify?” 

“Mark-Down.” 

“And  what  Department?” 

“Departrnint  Store.”  And  the  pair  laughed  aloiid  as 
they  locked  arms  and  marched  away  in  search  of  other 
statues. 


337 


J.P.K.HALL.MC 

PEj>rrr. 


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After  viewing  the  beautiful  Logan  monument  in  Iowa 
Circle  and  Ward’s  Equestrian  Statue  to  Gen.  Geo.  Thomas  in 
Thomas  Circle,  they  finally  arrived  at  the  base  of  that  won- 
derfully strenuous-looking  piece  of  sculpture  by  Clark  Mills  ; 
the  statue  of  General  Andrew  Jackson  in  Lafayette  Square. 

“The  remarkable  part  of  this  statue  is  the  way  in  which 
the  sculptor  has  maintained  the  center  of  gravity  by  making 
the  head  hollow  and  the  tail  solid  so  that  the  horse  is  en- 
abled to  stand  on  its  hind  legs  without  any  other  support,” 
said  Harry. 

“ ’Tain’t  a good  idee — tew  reprisent  Gineral  Jackson  ez 
an  empty  head.  Et  would  amoose  th’  children  en  th’  park 
a heap  sight  more  ef  they’d  put  rockers  under  et  en  make  et 
ento  a hobby-hoss.”  i 

“Well,  here  is  a far  more  artistic  piece  of  work,”  said 
Harry  as  they  reached  the  Lafayette  Memorial.  Upon  a 
lofty  pedestal  a beautifully  modeled  figure  of  the  graceful 
Marquis  de  Lafayette  stood  with  hand  outstretched,  while 
at  the  base  the  figures  of  De  Grasse,  D’Estaing,  Rochambeau 
and  Duportail  were  posed  as  fitting  auxiliaries ; the  whole 
constituting  a very  artistic  monument. 

“About  every  other  statue  in  Washington  should  be  taken 
from  its  pedestal  and  remodeled  by  the  more  competent 
artists  of  to-day,”  remarked  Harry. 

“We’re  tew  busy  makin’  money,”  retorted  the  old  man. 


318 


AROUND  THE  CAPITAL. 


CHAPTER  XXX. 

THE  NAVY  YARD. 

TT  was  early  morning  at  Uncle  Sam’s  Navy  Yard. 
Small  groups  of  workingmen  were  coming  in  all 
directions  to  engage  in  their  respective  tasks  for 
the  coming  day.  As  the  hour  for  commencing  ap- 
proached, the  hurrying  groups  increased  in  size  until  the 
streets  leading  to  the  entrances  were  crowded. 

Iron  workers,  brass  workers,  wood  workers,  machinists, 
moulders — bright,  intelligent  looking  men,  all. 

These  w'ere  the  men  who  made  it  possible  for  the  “Man  on 
the  Bridge,’’  and  the  “Man  behind  the  Gun’’  to  do  the  work 
that  evoked  the  applause  and  aroused  the  enthusiasm  of  the 
nation  in  time  of  war. 

As  the  stream  of  workers  poured  through  the  gateway,  it 
might  have  been  noticed  that  there  was  one  who  was  pal- 
pably not  a worker — at  least,  not  in  this  field.  His  step  was 
too  leisurely  and  he  evinced  no  particular  desire  to  reach  any 
one  of  the  numerous  shops  in  a hurry,  as  did  the  others  in 
the  skurrying  throngs. 

It  was  the  figure  of  Uncle  Hank  that  seemed  so  utterly 
out  of  place  amid  these  swarms  of  busy  bees  hastening  to 
their  respective  hives  of  industry — a drone  among  the  work- 

339 


E.B.VREELA.NDJ*< 


AROUND  THE  CAPITAL. 


O.B.^VHITE 

K>r. 


ers.  But  nevertheless  an  appreciative  idler  for  the  day  only, 
who  had  come  to  see  and  marvel  at  the  work  done  by  these 
skilful  craftsmen. 

The  first  thing  to  catch  his  eye  as  he  walked  down  the 
principal  avenue  in  the  yard  was  the  famous  cannon  known 
as  Long  Tom. 

“That’s  the  gun  that  created  such  a sensation  in  the  war 
of  1814,”  explained  an  old  marine  to  Uncle  Hank.  “It  was 
originally  cast  in  1786  in  France  for  a French  man-of-war, 
and  captured  by  the  British  in  1798,  and  sold  to  the  Ameri- 
cans. Subsequently  it  formed  one  of  the  battery  of  the  brig, 
“General  Armstrong,”  that  so  valiantly  engaged  single- 
handed  in  a battle  with  three  ships  of  the  British  squadron 
which  were  on  their  way  to  New  Orleans,  and  so  disabled 
the  fleet  that  it  failed  to  reach  that  city  for  the  great  fight 
there  when  Jackson  won  the  day.” 

“Wall,  I take  off  my  hat  tew  et  fer  thet  day’s  work,”  re- 
plied the  old  man  as  he  thanked  the  old  soldier  for  his  in- 
formation. 

Continuing  on  his  way  he  Anally  reached  the  foundry 
where  the  workmen  were  just  in  the  act  of  opening  the 
sluiceways  of  the  furnaces  containing  the  molten  metal  that 
spluttered  and  sparkled  as  it  gushed  forth. 

“Thet’s  a hot  furniss — Gineral  Sherman  seel  ‘WUr  waz 
Heir — Wall,  gittin’  ready  fer  war  doesn’t  remind  ye  ov 
heavin,”  said  the  old  man  as  he  left  the  building. 

The  gun  shop  was  the  next  building  to  attract  his  atten- 
tion. This  building  was  a bewildering  maze  of  machinery. 

340 


UNCLi:  HANK  IN  TtlK  GUN  SllUi*  AT  THE  NAVV  YARD. 


F.M.S»^rtMONS 

dr 


J.R.V^OUJSrG  . r^.C 
PENN. 


AROUND  THE  CAPITAL. 

Monster  guns  were  being  turned,  bored,  rifled  and  jacketed 
by  the  most  powerful  and  approved  machinery,  as  well  as 
myriads  of  smaller  guns  for  supplementary  batteries  for 
cruisers  and  other  vessels  of  war.  But  the  most  incongruous 
thing  to  Uncle  Hank  was  a large  sign  that  hung  in  a most 
conspicuous  place,  and  read  as  follows ; 

WORKMEN  MUST  NOT 
TALK  TO  VISITORS. 

“En  lookin’  et  them  cannons  I never  saw  so  many  open- 
mouths  en  my  hull  life,”  said  he  with  a smile. 

For  several  hours  he  interested  and  amused  himself.  Fin- 
ally as  he  was  about  to  leave  the  “Yard”  he  was  accosted 
by  a couple  of  very  handsome  young  ladies,  who  wished  to 
know  if  there  was  anything  to  particularly  interest  ladies, 
as  “they  took  no  pleasure  in  walking  through  greasy,  dirty 
machine  shops,”  as  they  expressed  it. 

“Ladies,  thar’s  a buildin’  jest  araound  th’  corner  thar 
thet’ll  interest  ye.  I’m  sure.”  And  the  old  man  pointed  down 
the  avenue  in  the  direction  he  wished  them  to  go. 

As  they  reached  the  corner  designated  their  eyes  caught 
sight  of  a large  sign  on  which  was  painted  the  words: 

PATTERN  SHOP. 

And  when  they  looked  for  the  practical  joker  he  was 
safely  aboard  the  trolley  car  on  his  way  back  to  the  city. 

342 


AT  TIIK  NAVY  YARD -CASTING  CANNON. 

UNCLE  H.\NK— "Thct'B  a hot  funiacc— Giiieral  Slicrni.in  scil  'war  was  licH' — Wall,  sittiu’  raady  ti-r 
war  doesu't  remind  yc  ov  hcavin.” 

3!3 


9 


UNCLE  SAM  GREETS  CUBA. 

U.  S.— “ How’dy,  Cuby! — prepared  to  go  it  alone,  eh?— When  ye  git  tired  of  the  job,  remember  my 

door’s  alhvays  open.’’ 

344 


AROUND  THE  CAPITAL. 


CHAPTER  XXXI. 

ADIEU. 

Down  Pennsylvania  Avenue  strode  Uncle  Hank,  his 
grip-sack  in  one  hand  and  his  ever  faithful  um- 
brella in  the  other.  His  face  wore  a benignant 
expression,  his  step  was  buoyant  and  his  whole 
manner  betokened  one  who  was  on  the  best  of  terms  with 
himself  and  all  the  world  as  well. 

He  had  about  concluded  his  trip  and  was  on  his  way  to 
the  train  that  was  to  take  him  back  to  his  dear  old  New  Eng- 
land home. 

Washingten  had  proved  a source  of  infinite  delight  to  the 
old  man,  wdio  had  keenly  enjoyed  its  humorous  side,  at  the 
same  time  fully  appreciating  its  attractive  features. 

As  he  turned  the  corner  of  Sixth  Street  he  encountered 
his  nephew  who  was  w'aiting  to  accompany  him  to  the  rail- 
way station  to  see  him  off. 

“Harry,”  iie  exclaimed,  “I've  bed  a good  time,  an’  I thank 
ye  fer  more’n  half  ov  et.” 

“Uncle,  I’ve  noticed  that  you  seemed  to  intcnselv  enjoy 
every  part  of  your  trip  and  I think  I've  discovered  the  secret 
of  it — you  kept  looking  for  the  bright  side  of  Washington 
life  and  it  proved  the  most  satisfactory.” 

345 


H.BRI-i'TOW.  M.C« 
MY. 


T-J-  CREAMER. M.C 
N-Y. 


i^  B.ftoiiDON  JVT.C- 
OMJO. 


AROUND  THE  CAPITAL. 

“Harry,  molasses  ’ll  ketch  more  flies  then  vinegar — a 
pretty  gal'll  ketch  more  votes  fer  a Bill  then  a sour  old 
lawyer.”  And  the  old  man  and  his  nephew  laughed  in 
unison  as  they  cordially  shook  hands  at  the  rear  end  of  the 
slowly  departing  train. 


THE  END. 


315 


GETTY  RESEARCH  INSTITUTE 


3 3125  01498  5499 


